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AIBU to not fake the orgasm my DP knows I'm not having?

(25 Posts)
happyclapper Fri 09-Nov-12 19:46:18

Having never been able to orgasm with a partner my DP actually asked if I could fake it to add to his enjoyment!
I almost agreed till I realised that was just a bit selfish. WWYD?

Autumnalis Fri 09-Nov-12 19:47:40

If it's a kind of role play?

catgirl1976 Fri 09-Nov-12 19:48:19

Ummmmmmm

Given he knows you are not it wouldn't hurt to "fake fake" from time to time, it I suppose.

But not instead of the two of you working on achieving you orgasming.

RonnyJotten Fri 09-Nov-12 19:49:11

errm ...do you orgasm when you go 'solo'? If yes then you both need 'the chat' and show him what you like so you will orgasim

SantyClaws Fri 09-Nov-12 19:50:17

yy to getting him to learn how to actually make you come, rather than honing your acting skills

fuzzpig Fri 09-Nov-12 19:50:53

No, don't fake. Very weird of him to ask you (IMO)

When you say you don't orgasm with him, are you saying you have with other partners/on your own?

RubyrooUK Fri 09-Nov-12 19:50:58

Or you could suggest DH practices very hard at giving you one to add to your enjoyment? smile

Kundry Fri 09-Nov-12 19:51:41

Umm NO!

How can it add to his enjoyment if he knows you're faking it. Unless it's giving him some twisted ego boost that you'd do it for his benefit.

What exactly does he do for your benefit - such as working on your orgasm?

fuzzpig Fri 09-Nov-12 19:51:44

oh sorry I misread that - thought you just meant dp rather than any partner

fuzzpig Fri 09-Nov-12 19:52:10

if you can come on your own you need to teach him what to do!

lovebunny Fri 09-Nov-12 19:55:21

go for it, in a big way. your brain will forget you're faking and take your body along for the ride.

if anyone asks, i made no comment on this thread whatsoever.

fuzzpig Fri 09-Nov-12 20:06:02

do you know why you can't get there with him, btw?

HecatePropylaea Fri 09-Nov-12 20:11:04

Is he working with you to make it happen for real?

I wonder how exactly you faking it would make it nicer for him?

He'd know you were faking it, so the best he could think was ooh, she's so nice, faking orgasms for me hmm

Unless it's just the noise he wants? Like the OTT shrieks in a porno? And the fact that you don't actually feel it isn't so important?

fuzzpig Fri 09-Nov-12 20:16:11

Oooh good point about the porn screamage.

GhostShip Fri 09-Nov-12 20:24:18

I was like this until I met DP. Not one of my sexual partners could make me orgasm, including my ex who I was with for 4 years. I faked everytime. I think he must have known.

If you want to, do it. But I think you should address why he isn't making you orgasm.

YuffieKisaragi Fri 09-Nov-12 20:46:09

Weird. I wouldn't have thought a man would want to know his partner was faking, I would have thought it would dent the ego!
I wouldn't, I would explore why you are unable to climax and see if you can work on it together.

happyclapper Fri 09-Nov-12 20:50:48

Thanks ladies for all your replies. Oddly enough I agree with you all but I'm really so far past the whole orgasm thing I just can't be arsed, if you'll pardon the expression, to put the time in.
Can go solo if I Feel the need.
Am happy with the closeness when with DP.
Suppose I could put my acting skills to the test. Could give Meg Ryan a run for her money in my prime.
Also, Lovebunny, hope to god no one recognises me on this. Wanted to do a namechange but couldn't be arsed.....is there a theme here?

LadyKinbote Fri 09-Nov-12 21:03:22

Even if you don't orgasm, do you still make appreciative noises? Because I can imagine hearing NOTHING from your partner could be a little off-putting. That said, the other posters have a point - faking it doesn't really address the real issue...

happyclapper Fri 09-Nov-12 21:12:02

We have had counseling at Relate but Im 'a difficult case' apparently.
We generally just take a light hearted approach and have a bit of a giggle rather than going for passion.
DP then gets regular nookie and I dont feel pressured.

tinkertitonk Fri 09-Nov-12 22:36:52

Your orgasms are your responsibility, not his.

Buy yourself a range of toys and go to town.

A friend confessed (boasted?) of buying a Hitachi Magic Wand and then being unable to think of anything at work except going home to play with it. Her DP didn't mind one bit apparently.

GhostShip Fri 09-Nov-12 22:54:45

I'd say they're somewhat his responsibility.

lovebunny Fri 09-Nov-12 23:18:40

still in favour of some acting on your part - but on reflection, to make it fair, sometimes you should act out fantasies of your own - like 'auditioning for the x factor' or 'winning the bake off'....

happyclapper Sat 10-Nov-12 00:21:41

Maybe that's my problem Lovebunny. I'd rather be watching the Great British Bake Off.
Have just lost my mo Jo.

PrincessSymbian Sat 10-Nov-12 00:28:44

Well, if your not cumming, of course you'd rather be watching the great bake off! Any chance of bringing a vibe into the proceedings? Teach him to use it on your clit and perhaps even penetrate you with it?
I find the hardness/length gets me there quicker than a penis, though I imagine it is quite hard work for the person doing it.
But he loves you so he must want you to enjoy it as much as you can?

djelibeybi Sat 10-Nov-12 00:31:43

If he can convincingly fake an orgasm for you, then maybe you could return the favour. Obviously real ones wouldn't count, neither would unconvincing fakes.

Once he has come up with the goods, then you could reciprocate.

Alternatively, he could work out how to give you a real one.

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