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To expect RSVP within a week?

(85 Posts)
Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 18:11:25

We are arranging a party for DS in a few weeks. There are very limited numbers and there are many more DC that he would like to invite than can be accommodated. I have asked for an RSVP by the end of next week. I have no idea whom the parents are and have no way to get in touch.

20 invites were given out on Monday - first day back after half term. I have had 3 x yes and 1 maybe; any acknowledgement is very much appreciated.

DS doesn't always bring invitations home. I saw the class teacher about something else tonight and she mentioned that invitations went in bookbags on Monday.

I get an invitation, check the diary and send a response by text the same day. If things change I let hosts know. I have assumed that most people will check a book bag at least weekly. Is it unreasonable to expect a prompt responseconfused; any RSVP at all would be good angry.

CrikeyOHare Fri 09-Nov-12 18:15:20

People are amazingly rude about this, I have found.

Problem is, you can't assume the non-responders won't come, because a lot of them will. So you're stuck having to cater for a party with no real idea of numbers.

Bloody annoying. So glad my party days are over.

YANBU at all. But I am not surprised.

Enfyshedd Fri 09-Nov-12 18:29:55

We sent out invitations for DSS2's birthday party last year - all the mums knew I was heavily pregnant (was 2 weeks from due date the day of the party). Out of 7 invites given out on the Monday before the party (party on Sunday), we had one RSVP at the school on the Friday afternoon because the child had just been diagnosed that day with a ton of allergies so they didn't want to risk it (fair enough), one RSVP by phone on the Saturday to say they couldn't make it due to a sports tournament, no other replies and only 1 child turned up. Luckily, it was DSS2's best friend and they had a brilliant time, but I felt so sorry for him and a bit miffed that DP & I had slaved over the cooker all morning making the food for 8.

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 18:33:23

Thanks Crikey . Only 4/20 responded within a week shock

After invitations went out, two additional children asked to be invited and invitations were given to them the next day. Radio silence on whether they can come.

This is an organised party and so I will have to pay for play and food even if they don't come and this is obvious imo. I have no idea if siblings will attend or if children will be accompanied or left. We had a non-rsvper that sent their 4 yo DC on his own and was late picking him up (no contact number left for emergencies).

When do parties stop?

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 18:35:50

Enfyshedd I am angry at your behalf. thanks wine 5 out of 8 didn't respond and didn't come. shockIgnorant fuckers.

CrikeyOHare Fri 09-Nov-12 19:14:22

My DS had his last party at 11, I think. He was "far too cool" of course for parties once he was 12.

Nowadays, it's pizza & gaming for a few mates (16). Won't be long till it involves alcohol, I suppose shock.

Maybe your DS could ask at playtime whether people are coming to his party or not - might give you a slightly better idea.

People can be so thoughtless. I always filled in the little slip AND called asap to let parents know.

Hope he has a wonderful day whatever happens smile

Fakebook Fri 09-Nov-12 19:26:57

That's abysmal! We sent out 28 invitations to the class on Monday and I've had 14 replies already. All have been in person or by text. It's Dd's foundation class though, so maybe we are all new to this party thing and get excited by it? Do people become lazier as their child progresses through school?

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 19:35:54

Y1. RSVP in person or by text is absolutely fine.

I'll get DS to ask. I'm not convinced the information will be reliable but it is better than nothing.

FFS it's an invitation not a subpoena; you can say no.

yummumto3girls Fri 09-Nov-12 19:50:21

Do you have absolutely no contact with the other kids? If someone else does the school run for you can you not ask them to chase? If parents leave a child then do not let them leave without leaving contact information! People are very rude and as others say you can't assume they won't come. When do parties stop? My DD1 is just planning her 12th, they seem to get bigger as the years go on!

poozlepants Fri 09-Nov-12 19:53:56

It is a nightmare. I invited 16 to DS's birthday- 4 weeks in advance and half way through the week before the party I only had 5 replies despite sending out a reminder. I got the rest 2 days before the party. I still haven't heard from 3 of the parents.

LeeCoakley Fri 09-Nov-12 20:01:18

You've asked for replies by the end of next week so I can't understand why you are fretting already. If it was this time next week then, yes, I'd be pretty annoyed with only 4 replies. Also you say that you respond quickly but then 'if things change' you let the host know. I would rather you left it until later with a definite reply myself. So you see we are all different!

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 20:05:55

There are a number of different entrances and exits and so I don't see a lot of parents and I don't have contacts numbers.

The norm here if for at least one parent to attend; sometimes the whole family. The little boy last year was dropped off outside and just arrived in the hall. confused.

This is the second party and I am really not keen on doing one next year.

Step 1 Receive invite
Step 2 RSVP by your chosen means
Step 3 Take invited guest to the party

If anyone doesn't RSVP or leaves it to the last minute, please explain your reasons.

stella1w Fri 09-Nov-12 20:10:11

Am about to embark on dd,s fifth bday. To avoid the op,s dilemma shd i put rsvp to x number for venue.. Then at least nonresponders can,t just turn up.

Butkin Fri 09-Nov-12 20:48:08

If you expected early responses why did you put end of next week for RSVP. You'll find that most parents leave it to the date of RSVP (or near it) because then they know what their committments are.

I've found the structure of parties is:

a) Reception - invite everybody and get quick responses
b) next few years - invited close friends and get responses by RSVP date.
c) Now DD is in Yr 5 and it's 5 or 6 close friends and they sort it out amongst themselves with use being just used as transport.

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 21:46:53

Rsvp date is the last possible date . I don't understand why parents would leave it to that date to respond.
We are all busy, not sure that I agree 16 people need to " check commitments ". Rude enough to wait to see if they get a better offer?
If your child or its siblings has a club/ commitment, if they have another party, if you/they don't want to go; rsvp no.
I rsvp the day I get an invitation. If we do have a party next year, I'll add a note to ask for prompt rsvp and " If don't respond by xyz week, week assume you cannot come". I may try to word it nicer.

witchface Fri 09-Nov-12 22:56:48

My dds birthday party is tomorrow and we had hardly any responses. I finally put a tick sheet into nursery this week and most people are coming. Still not sure on two, one is a dad who is a bit nervous about coming on his own (fair enough i bloomin hate going too) but the other is a good friend of mine who just hasnt bothered to let me know either way.

It's so frustrating, its not a ticket, it's an invitation! Even if it's a no then they should have the manners to tell you.

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 23:05:14

A lot of the DC have been to nursery and YR together and a lot of parents have hosted parties. They should know better imho.

witchface "It's so frustrating, its not a ticket, it's an invitation! Even if it's a no then they should have the manners to tell you". <<< that. Well said.

Happy for people to say they aren't sure. At least I could negotiate further.

Manners are the "unenforced standards of conduct which demonstrate that a person is proper, caring, non-grouchy, polite, and refined".

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 23:05:58

Hope your party goes well witchface. I would love to hear how it went.

midseasonsale Fri 09-Nov-12 23:17:03

Give a shorter deadline? Three or two days? Explain that past this date we will need to assume child cant make it as we need to finalise things.

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 23:21:20

I gave two weeks but hoped people would respond sooner. I don't think people will rsvp. They will either turn up or not.

Loshad Fri 09-Nov-12 23:34:02

Couldn't agree more. youngest Ds is having his last ever (after this!) party for his birthday on sunday doing an event that costs £20/head. It is very obvious from the invite what they are doing, and i know all the parents know how expensive it is. I still have had 2 not reply, 2 only give verbal nos to my child in response to much nagging (including a parent i know reasonably well), and another 2 replied tonight! How hard is it to send a text hmm

Backinthebox Fri 09-Nov-12 23:34:06

Eggrules "Rsvp date is the last possible date . I don't understand why parents would leave it to that date to respond."

Well, here's one reason - I don't have my work roster for in a few weeks time yet, so I wouldn't know if I could take my kids to a party. I often work weekends.

If you give an 'RSVP by' date, I would assume it would be acceptable to reply at any time between receiving the invite and the date given as the latest reply by date. YABU to be frothing already that people have not replied yet. You admit you don't even know what these people look like - which means I am sure you don't know what commitments other than replying to your demands party invites they have.

Eggrules Fri 09-Nov-12 23:54:52

Important fact 9/10 people have a mobile phone.

Loshad that is terrible. Your Ds will be looking forward to it and will have a memorable time. I am in the 'never again' mindset but probably will.

Backinthebox - "I'm not sure, can I let you know?" is an acceptable response. "Thank you for you for the invite. x would love to come but I don't have my work roster, can I let you know?" would be even better. No response is frustrating. Not least because if it is a definite 'no', I could ask someone else and not waste my effort and expense.

I accept I may be unreasonable in expecting a reply with a week. I am busy so I try to reply the day I get the invite so the host at least knows I have received it. I work 7 days a week. I have no idea what other people's family or work commitments are and they have no idea about mine. If they don't respond by a week before, should I assume their DC can't make it?

MidniteScribbler Sat 10-Nov-12 00:35:37

I would RSVP by the date requested by the invitation. If there is no date on the invitation I would RSVP by two weeks before the event. I don't necessarily drop everything to get a response back that same day. I don't think you can be 'frothing' yet when the date you requested people RSVP by hasn't passed. After that, froth away.

My friend includes on her invites "RSVP is required by <date> due to having to finalise numbers with the venue. Unfortunately, we will be unable to accommodate any guests after this date. Thank you."

sleeplessinsuburbia Sat 10-Nov-12 05:23:35

I feel terrible saying this; I'm a non rsvper... I'm divorced and there have been a couple times I've found old invitations at the bottom of bags where I or the ex have put them for the parent who will have them on the date but obviously were never seen. I did text an apology....

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