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Never picked for school team

(59 Posts)
kimlek Fri 09-Nov-12 17:12:10

My dd is 9 years old (yr5) and a half decent netball player. She goes to all the practice sessions at lunchtime & without fail at the weekly after school sessions. She loves playing sport. She's not amazingly good but she's certainly ok! The thing is, after putting in the effort she's getting quite disheartened that she's never chosen to play against other schools. Even when they have a B team she's overlooked - and without being rude, some of the girls in the B team are VERY obviously B standard!! If it wasn't bothering her then I wouldn't care but she's going on and on about it. Every Friday she comes home saddened because she hasn't been chosen yet again. Am I being unreasonable?

adeucalione Fri 09-Nov-12 17:15:55

Both DD and DS tried out for every single team throughout their four years at junior school - tag rugby, hockey, football, cricket, cross country, badminton, tennis, chess (off the top of my head) and neither of them ever got picked for any of them. So that's both of them, every year, eight failed attempts. DS took it well but DD used to get very upset about it - she tried too, went to all the training sessions etc. Not sure what my point is tbh - it's rubbish for them, but probably character building or something?

Doodlez Fri 09-Nov-12 17:17:43

Man, this drives me crazy. It puts children off sport and puts them off for good IME. I really would have a word with the teacher about this - ask her if she could be 'subbed' if nothing else, so she feels part of the team. Really, high-light it with school - it's so important that all children who pitch up to practice get a chance of a game. Some might think I'm advocating @pushy parenting' but I'm truly not. Give her some support with this - please.

kimlek Fri 09-Nov-12 17:33:19

Thanks Doodlez
My dd's upset and is saying that she doesn't see the point of always practicing and never getting a proper game. So far I've agreed with her and suggested she says something to the school council but she won't. I'm reluctant to make a fuss about it at school as I'm sure they'll think I'm being pushy and just want MY dd to be in the team - but I actually think any child that wants & puts in an effort should be given a chance - even the ones that are butter fingers. Or is winning really important to a school??? I'd like to know from any PE teachers on here why schools play other schools?

frogspoon Fri 09-Nov-12 20:10:53

It may hurt to hear this, but if your DD has not been picked to play competitive netball, it is simply because she is not as good as the others, including the B team.

All schools should be ensuring that there are opportunities for all children to get involved in sport, regardless of ability. As the school has an open for all lunchtime and after school netball activity which your daughter already takes part in, I think they are doing their job just fine.

It's a competition, there is a focus on winning, and your DD would hinder the performance of the rest of the team.

ClareMarriott Fri 09-Nov-12 22:48:35

Frogspoon I think you are being a little harsh to Kimlek to say that her " DD would hinder the performance of the rest of the team " You know nothing about her daughter and cannot say whether she would be the weak link in a team playing another school in competition.

There are thousands of sons and daughters who have slogged up and down hockey, netball, rugby and football pitches over the years , never to be picked for school teams so much so that being disheartened and disallusioned sometimes becomes second nature as you see the same people being chosen. For example, the only British tennis players I can name are Roger Taylor, Virginia Wade, Tim Henman and Andy Murray. Virginia won Wimbledon in 1977 and Andy Murray the US open this year . Only a 35 year wait in between wins !!! Kimlek. Is there any way you could find a coach or someone to provide an opinion of how good your daughter is ? I for one hope she gets her break soon !!!

alcofrolic Fri 09-Nov-12 22:55:51

In a competitive sport, you choose the team that you think (know) will win.

Everyone needs to accept that.

whois Fri 09-Nov-12 22:59:18

There is no harm asking the coach in a non-con way f she thinks your DD has a shot of getting into the B team, even as a reserve. There will be some matches where it's ok to sub in a not so good player. Although it is nice to play with the same team every match, as long as its not too random or too much swapping its ok.

Come secondary school they will most likey be desperate for players when the girls become too cool for sport, and a committed player who trains every week will be a god send.

Or send her to an expensive public school where there are enough teams for the entire year to play and have matches. And it's compulsory.

I was very upset in junior school. I was one of the better players in Y5. I broke my arm the summer between Y5 and Y6. When my arm was better and I was back playing sport I wasn't allowed to play netball as the team had already been chosen.

Moved away from that school for secondary (it went up to 18) and was selected by my new school to go for u14 city trials in Y7. My old teacher was one of the people who picked the city squad. I got in, no one from Y7 of my old school did. Made me feel that I was right in thinking my old school were knobs about the team!

I still play now, feel sad your DD is getting disheartened as its such a fun game.

sosotiredagain123 Fri 09-Nov-12 23:00:23

do your children excel in other ways though ??? one of mine is sporty and always chosen other is not but very academic swings and roundabouts

whois Fri 09-Nov-12 23:01:30

I forgot to add that when I brok my arm I was worried about not being able to play on the netball team. Mum asked the teacher and she said the team wouldn't be set in stone. Cow.

Brycie Fri 09-Nov-12 23:02:26

I agree with Doodlez, she's right.

Firstly, if there are enough players they should have A b C D teams - as many as you have players to fill, with matches in a school league.

Secondly, most/all players should get matchplay and be subs. All the best school team coaches make their best players sit on the bench or play them out of position to give others a chance or test abilities. They are SCHOOL players and school sport is about finding the best in the children - sometimes match play and the adrenaline can bring something amazing out of the children.

Thirdly, much school selection is dominated by laziness or favouritism. This doesn't need explaining.

Approach? If you get arsy they will have you down as precious and it may not help. However if you suck up to the teacher and basically beg them to give your girl a go, and your girl performs better (as you say she is) than other players, it might be an in for her. Once they're in or on the subs bench - they're in.

Remember that to include your girl now - someone else will have to be dropped. That contributes to coach reluctance to change.

But if you can scrape her a place on the subs bench she can move up from there. Good luck.

Brycie Fri 09-Nov-12 23:06:06

Can I also advise that at the end of term she finds out when the FIRST practice session will be in January. Sometimes they're very early, first week, and take children and parents by surprise so they miss it. If she's at the first practice and others are missing - she could get a match, and she'll have broken her duck. That means a LOT to a coach. It's easier to not select someone who has never beeen selected.

frogspoon Sat 10-Nov-12 00:29:19

Firstly, if there are enough players they should have A b C D teams - as many as you have players to fill, with matches in a school league.

This "everyone can pass just by turning up" attitude is getting ridiculous. Nobody can be good at everything, but everyone can be good at something.

I'm sure your DD has other talents that she will excel in, perhaps, drama, art, music, academics. She has alot more opportunities to take part in extra curricular sport for enjoyment than many other kids, some schools only offer extra-curricular activities to G&T students.

ClareMarriott, I am harsh, but so is the real world. At some point in the OP's DD's life she will not be successful in something she wants e.g. university, job application etc. She needs to become resilient to the occasional disappointment or she may struggle when she is older.

Loshad Sat 10-Nov-12 00:33:09

Brycie
where are all the teachers to come from to supervise four separate teams, let alone the logistics of only playing schools with enough kids to also field 4 teams. Agree with a poster up thread, she is getting an opportunity to train and play, the best kids should be selected to play competitive games, apart from anything else it matters very much to the kids on the team whether they win or not. No harm though in your dd asking coach what else she should be doing to to be in with a chance of being picked for B team, a more positive approach but brings her back under the coaches eye.

Tanith Sat 10-Nov-12 00:40:15

Rather than asking why she's never picked for the team, could she make it positive and tell her coach she's really keen to get into the team: what does she need to do to achieve this?
If her coach then sees her following any tips given, it might improve her chances of getting in.

elastamum Sat 10-Nov-12 00:47:35

I would talk to the teachers. I think sometimes they get into the habit of not picking certain children who are thought to be 'not so good' at sport. It is very difficult for children to break that perception, even when they improve a lot.

This happened to my DS1, he was considered a hard worker in sport, but went through a phase of never getting picked for anything. This went on until they eventually started playing contact rugby, when they realised he was one of the largest and strongest in his year - but as a result not all that fast. He played prop for the first 15 for a season, then they realised he was also good in goal at football, now he trains 3x a week and at senior school is into his sport. It took him about 3 years of rejection before anyone even looked at him.

piprabbit Sat 10-Nov-12 00:54:17

I like Tanith's suggestion for asking what skills your DD needs to improve to be in with a shot. It gives you a chance to remind the coach of the effort that your DD is putting in, without backing the coach into having to justify herself to a 'pushy' parent.

Brycie Sat 10-Nov-12 01:36:04

"This "everyone can pass just by turning up" attitude is getting ridiculous. Nobody can be good at everything, but everyone can be good at something."

It's not about that. What's non-competitive about playing in a competitive team, playing for C, aspiring to B and A? Don't get you.

I don't like prizes for all. This is about competing, not prizes. While competing, getting good coaching and competitive match play. You've got it upside down. If you have a match - teams lose.

Brycie Sat 10-Nov-12 01:47:09

Where do the teachers come from?

You just make it work, because it's desirable. So if there aren't enough teachers to supervise then you have a bigger subs bench, or you play as many competitive matches as possible in PE lessons, so that everyone has competitive matchplay under their belts.

Don't underestimate the laziness often found in team selection.Sometimes it's not even to do with being the best. And this is primary, so their skills aren't fully developed and won't be unless they get to play in matches.

Brycie Sat 10-Nov-12 01:49:31

Anyway doodles you are right.

WofflingOn Sat 10-Nov-12 06:48:03

Tanith's suggestion is likely to be the most effective one, flags your daughter up to the teacher, points out how keen she is and draws positive attention that makes her stand out and requires the teacher to think.
Brycie, as long as primary sport relies on teachers giving up their time for free, it will continue to be patchy as an after-school provision.
When hell freezes over, I'll teach an after school sports club.

Mrsrobertduvallsaysboo Sat 10-Nov-12 07:20:10

Agree with Wofflingon and Tanith.
If they are playing matches against other schools, they will play the team to win. Or should be.

Ds left cricket in the summer (he's 13) because the coach was wishy washy, giving everyone a chance, including boys who cried if they were bowled out. This was competitive league cricket.

exoticfruits Sat 10-Nov-12 07:35:52

I would go with Tanith's suggestion. Competitive sport should be competitive in my view and you play to win, school lessons are about including all, school matches are about picking the best.

exoticfruits Sat 10-Nov-12 07:37:04

The best do leave in disgust if it is more important to include all, regardless of talent.

chocolatespiders Sat 10-Nov-12 07:41:19

I hate this, I know that teams want to win and look to winning but to me it is about everyone who loves playing to have a chance to do so.

This was the reason that my daughter left her football team after being left on the side lines to much. I am not a pushy parent but I do believe in a fair chance for everyone smile

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