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WIBU to comment on friend's choice of baby food?

(77 Posts)
Caitycat Fri 09-Nov-12 17:09:28

A bit of background: her baby is ten months old, mine is only three months so I have no experience at all of trying to wean a baby and how realistic or otherwise my ideas are. She has been a rock for me in these early weeks - always on the end of the phone with sane advice and support - so I would hate to upset or offend her.

Last weekend we stayed with her and her family and I was really surprised at what she fed her little girl. Every meal had an element of chocolate in it and there wasn't much that seemed immediately healthy. On Saturday for example she had toast with nutella for breakfast, a mid morning snack of quavers, lunch was pieces of cheese and ham with bread followed by a chocolate yoghurt and evening meal was more quavers and two jsffa cakes. I didn't want to sound critical but asked whether she ever did the mushed up fruit and vegetables I usually associated with weaning (yes I do know about blw but thought I would seem less critical phrasing it like that than just saying "wot no veg") she said that was the old-fashioned way and hers is the modern approach.

So my question is wibu to suggest her choice of food isn't great and suggest some more healthy alternatives or should I leave her to make her own decisions about her baby?

SpottyTeacakes Fri 09-Nov-12 17:11:17

Yes YWBU leave her to it she won't appreciate your advice

MrsCantSayAnything Fri 09-Nov-12 17:13:28


I do understand your frustration though. I have a mate with a 2 year old DD who can't poo and she keeps asking me for advice...and I ask what the DD eats and my mate lists all this crap like cheapo, sugary cereal, sausage rolls etc.

ZillionChocolate Fri 09-Nov-12 17:13:39

She's not asking for your opinion so I think it would be unwise to give it.

TheSkiingGardener Fri 09-Nov-12 17:14:09

That's an awful diet for a baby. It's not a madden approach, it's a crap approach.

Whether you say anything though? Depends if you think it would make any difference?

Fairylea Fri 09-Nov-12 17:14:45

I wouldn't say anything. Maybe that weekend was a bit exceptional and she offers different things most of the time.

If you say she's been good with advice I'd guess she probably knows what she should be doing.

I'd just keep quiet and when it's your turn to wean your dc give her a shining example !

Unacceptable Fri 09-Nov-12 17:17:30

If she asks for your advice give it-if she doesn't don't.

We all make different choices with our children and not one of us are perfect.

I get that you find it a concern and it doesn't sound like a nutritious diet or healthy introduction to me but I can't imagine your friend would take you 'having a word' as anything more than insulting criticism.

Another thought...are you there for every single meal? Perhaps it was chocolate day?

BluelightsAndSirens Fri 09-Nov-12 17:18:57

She won't appreciate your advice but I would be concerned as well, how about inviting them over for dinner and letting her DD try some fresh veg, salad things and fruit?

Kalisi Fri 09-Nov-12 17:20:43

Ywbu to say anything but you have my permission to quietly wear your judgey pants grin No, that is not a good diet but until a child gets health problems, what they eat is unfortunately nobodies business but the parents.

Caitycat Fri 09-Nov-12 18:02:47

Thanks for the advice, really glad I didn't say anything. I just hope I can live up to my own expectations when the time comes to wean my pfb!

CrikeyOHare Fri 09-Nov-12 18:10:11

Dinner was Quavers and 2 Jaffa Cakes?

Blimey - that's really terrible. Is it possible that she was just really skint that weekend and that's all she had? I really, really hope that's not a standard dinner for her baby.

I don't blame you for being horrified (I am, and I wasn't even there) but it's not something you could really say anything about though.

She won't thank you, no matter how "helpful" you tried to sound.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 09-Nov-12 18:16:32

That's shit.. However, I know a couple of babies with very good-eating parents, well-meaning and trying whose DC will not eat any fruit or veg at all in any form. Needs must...

PamelaSwynfordDeBeaufort Fri 09-Nov-12 18:19:25

Its a terrible diet.

but don't say anything. its not really your business and if she doesn't fall out with you, you leave yourself open to her making any comment she wishes about your parenting.

Sirzy Fri 09-Nov-12 18:20:04

If her diet was like that every day I would be worried, if you only saw one day when they had guests so things werent normal I wouldn't be overly concerned.

What did everyone else eat?

socharlotte Fri 09-Nov-12 18:26:09

How much milk is she taking.She will presumably be getting much of her nutrition from that at the moment

Mousefunk Fri 09-Nov-12 18:42:28

I hate that bs of 'my kid just won't eat fruit or veg' er who is the parent? And maybe i'm just hard nosed but if my kids don't want what's offered then tough cookies- I won't just cave in and go 'aw you don't want this lovely healthy meal i've prepared? Aw ok darling well have some quavers instead' Don't be so silly.

I don't think you were being unreasonable at all tbh. Its hardly like you sat there saying what a crappy mum she was and how disgusting it was that she was giving her kid that crap. You simply enquired as to whether she ever eats healthy food which I suspect she doesn't seen as the mother considers that 'old fashioned' hmm

socharlotte Fri 09-Nov-12 19:57:34

hate that bs of 'my kid just won't eat fruit or veg' er who is the parent?

what do you suggest? force-feeding.Or standing hands on hips delivering a stern lecture to a 10m old baby?

rhondajean Fri 09-Nov-12 20:05:44

Well certainly not offering chocolate or crisps if fruit and veg is refused Charlotte.

slowgin Fri 09-Nov-12 20:09:28


awful diet, who would think that it is fine to feed a 10mth old quavers?

I agree with Mousefunk, my parents would never have let me eat that, where will it stop?

noblegiraffe Fri 09-Nov-12 20:13:20

My kid isn't offered quavers and he still won't eat fruit and veg. I'm not going to force it into his mouth while he gets hysterical, that doesn't sound like good parenting to me.

Sirzy Fri 09-Nov-12 20:21:16

I remember talking to a pediatrican treating DS once about childrens diets and he commented "I always struggle to believe parents who say that children won't eat ANY fruit or ANY veg as they are all so different"

And on the whole I do agree with him, of course there are going to be some extremely fussy eaters who won't eat anything but the vast majority of children will be able to be persuaded to eat something resembling fruit or veg in some form.

rhondajean Fri 09-Nov-12 20:22:31

What does he eat noble?

Sargesaweyes Fri 09-Nov-12 20:22:42

Ds wouldn't eat much veg at 10 months. 14 months old and eats anything. I certainly didn't make him eat it though. Also didn't give him crisps. I'm not perfect (ds loves the odd slice of nutella and toast) but it does sound like a hell of a lot of salt. Not much that you can do though-all that i can think is to have them round to your house and you provide the snacks. Alternatively get her a cheap copy of BLW as a thank you for her support?

Laquitar Fri 09-Nov-12 20:29:12

Don't 2 packs Quavers have too much salt for a 1yo? shock --i never gave them to dcs because i didn't want to share them--i bloody love them!

Still, you can't say anything imo. There is so much available information these days that if a parent wants to know he/she will know.

Yika Fri 09-Nov-12 20:30:21

YWNBU. I think it's fine to make a gentle remark. You are friends after all.

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