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To be sick of people trying to tell me how to care for my newborn?

(61 Posts)
Revelsarethebest Fri 09-Nov-12 08:41:53

My newborn is 3 weeks old. Im 25, married and a first time mum (although have qualifications and alot of experience in babies and children so not clueless).

My baby has terrible wind and really struggles with it. I ve spent hours winding her, changed to anti colic bottles etc, use infacol etc, nothing has helped.

I went to see a friend yesterday (shes much older than me and has a daughter whos 30). All the time i was there, she spent the whole time trying to wind my baby, baby was settled and this was unsettling her.

She spent the whole time trying to tell me what to do with her, said i should change her milk as it was obvious it wasnt satisfying for her (she has 5 ounces every 3 hours) and that as she will take a dummy after a feed that was a sign that it was filling her up!

Tried to explain that i wasnt changing her milk as shes never sick and therefore i could end up with problems if i start messing with her milk etc also HV as advised not to change it.

She tried to convince me to give my baby water with sugar in to get her wind up shock

Theres no way im giving her sugar hmm

There was plenty of other stuff too

I came out of there feeling like a shit mum :-(

My mum also makes comments too.

BreeVanDerTramp Fri 09-Nov-12 09:09:33

I still keep getting told I'm rubbish at winding and I'm on DC3, to be fair I am rubbish at it grin

Tummy tubs are fab for getting wind out, it like a little jacuzzi when it comes out!

Mrsjay Fri 09-Nov-12 09:10:49

p (to sma gold .. the comfort ones were awful and made his colic worse) but that's just my

I changed to sma gold with dd1 and colic went and she winded like a good un with her baby man burps grin

deakymom Sun 11-Nov-12 13:41:25

happens all the time my daughter is 12 and im still getting unasked for advice and if you ask for it..............well you obviously cant cope! (according to the ones who always advise you anyway) so its a no win situation by the way sugar and water are for constipation not for problems with wind! try the tiger in the tree it worked for my odd baby she held on to her wind like a pauper with a penny my aunt also popped her face down (not with her face smothered!) on her lap and rubbed her back she said she did that with one of hers the advantage was you could still watch the tv! and it worked eventually and my dad would sit her on his knee and you know when you get a trapped nerve your leg jiggs? he would do that till she burped! you will find your own way

lisa1968 Sun 11-Nov-12 20:42:49

my kids are 14 and 9-and I still get 'advice' thrown at me!
FIL is the best one-great at giving advice considering he left the upbringing of his 3 kids to their mum-he didn't even sit with them at mealtimes cos he wanted to eat in peace after being at work all day!!
The latest is how much food DS eats-he's 14 so he consumes the contents of Tesco 6 times a day-but if we don't keep an eye on things he'll have a weight problem.....
thanks for that.....

BinksToEnlightenment Sun 11-Nov-12 21:15:36

Oh god it's annoying isn't it? People won't stop giving advice but you'll stop giving a shit.

Smile and nod. I'm two years into it now and you could tell me to turn my son into a marionette and get him to dance to la cucaracha. Same smile and nod.

mmmnoodlesoup Sun 11-Nov-12 21:23:17

Bree I was thinking of getting one of those for when ds arrives. Is it ok to use from newborn?

BreeVanDerTramp Mon 12-Nov-12 09:07:44

mmm you can use from new born but it takes two of you and is a bit nerve racking to start.

DD could sit well from 6 weeks smile

pinkdelight Mon 12-Nov-12 09:20:28

another vote for cranial osteopathy here. sorry, know you don't want advice!

mmmnoodlesoup Mon 12-Nov-12 09:22:15

Wow 6 weeks! I've got a normal one now so will use that until he's big enough for it. Bit shocked that's its 20 quid though

mercibucket Mon 12-Nov-12 09:35:47

Mumsnet would grind to a halt if we all stopped giving advice!!
Sometimes it's hard cos the advice is obviously crap, outdated or dangerous (leave baby crying at bottom of garden, strap a coin to an umbilical hernia - my personal faves) but it's really hard when you see someone with what could be a problem and they don't want to know. Been there myself, thought I knew it all and din't listen, but turned out my friend was right after all

mercibucket Mon 12-Nov-12 09:35:48

Mumsnet would grind to a halt if we all stopped giving advice!!
Sometimes it's hard cos the advice is obviously crap, outdated or dangerous (leave baby crying at bottom of garden, strap a coin to an umbilical hernia - my personal faves) but it's really hard when you see someone with what could be a problem and they don't want to know. Been there myself, thought I knew it all and din't listen, but turned out my friend was right after all

blackeyedsusan Mon 12-Nov-12 09:37:38

oh yes... every man and his dog has aan opinion and think it is their right to let you know... repeatedly...

Queenofsiburbia Mon 12-Nov-12 09:50:23

My MIL already giving out 'advice' to people with newborns who she hardly knows. I'm due in 3 weeks & dreading the deluge!!!

So far the best is "of course the absolute worst thing you can do whilst breast feeding us to eat grapes - people brought me lots of grapes after DS2 was born & it was terribly acidic'"
Her DS2 is, if course, my DH. Last year he had an op to fix a dodgy oesophagus valve, having had very bad reflux his whole life. It's genetics, not grapes!!!
(I will obviously be pointing this out to her as kindly & politely ahem as poss when I get that pearl of wisdom offered to me in a few weeks).

All tips in politely telling people to butt out and Foxtrot Oscar when sleep deprived and stressed gratefully received hey OP?!

MerseyMama Mon 12-Nov-12 09:57:00

Really not telling you what to do an just sharing my experience , I have four children youngest is 3 months and the last three have all had terrible wind, they normally grow out of it by 12/15 weeks. However my hv recommended brown sugar in warm water and it really does help. Also my local children's hospital babies are given sugar water when they take blood as studies proved it helps with pain so sugar is not always a bad thing.

mmmnoodlesoup Mon 12-Nov-12 09:58:14

My midwife said not to eat many grapes while breastfeeding too

BaronessBomburst Mon 12-Nov-12 10:12:20

Oh god! The stuff people tell you about what you should and shouldn't eat during BF. And it's all a load of superstitious crap any way, except of course cutting out dairy if your DC is CMP intolerant. Oh, and not getting blind drunk or drinking excessive amounts of caffeine. Milk is made from what's in your bloodstream, not the contents of your stomach.

Rant over! smile

FairiesWearPoppies Mon 12-Nov-12 10:15:38

My ds was exactly the same and was on sma gold. He was never sick either however we changed to aptimil and the colic an wind disappeared it may be worth considering. smile

mmmnoodlesoup Mon 12-Nov-12 10:20:43

Milk is made from what's in your bloodstream, not the contents of your stomach

Erm, what we eats travels into our small intestines and then into our bloodstream. Hence how painkillers work etc so what we eat does affect our milk.

LeBFG Mon 12-Nov-12 10:20:53

Most advice I just nod to and say 'ah yes'...then do my own thing. They are trying to be helpful after all. I look back to those early baby weeks and I think I was being unreasonable in my expectations of others. All I did was complain and all they did was try and help.

However, a bit of me is still very much on your side OP because I've had some ridiculous, completely unsolicited advice from strangers. And this I object to enormously. I was told by one old lady that I would give DS brain damage because I was burping him so much hmm. Lots of comments about how over/under dressed DS was. I now coldly blank this sort of commentary.

milkmoustache Mon 12-Nov-12 10:25:01

Being offered 'helpful' advice when you have such a young baby and are awash with hormones is a pain in the arse... I bit my MILs head off when she asked me if I was going to feed my howling DD, having spent the last hour doing precisely that!Try and let it wash over you...and remember it is mostly well-meant.

Jen547 Mon 12-Nov-12 10:37:34

Every single mum in the world is doing it all wrong according to every other mum they meet. Im confident enough to say that everyone of us has been made to feel like a shit mum by some "helpful" women at some point. But don't totally ignore all advice-givers. I have been given equal parts useless and totally valuable advice from other mums! You will find your own way of doing things and as long as you are consistent and your baby is healthy THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!

Jingleflobba Mon 12-Nov-12 10:37:58

I've been raising our children for 12 years and still get advice...
Our youngest is 8 months old and my MIL still hands out the same advice she gave me when eldest was born... Weetabix in milk at 2 months, don't give dummies (hers never had dummies, neither did she - and she still sucks her thumb at nearly 70!), FF will lead to stomach problems in later life, you know the type.
I second the advice to smile and nod. If necessary a non commital "hmm" works wonders, you can make it sound as polite or as sceptical as you need to.
(Disclaimer: when I had a wobble with DD2's weaning a few weeks ago due to my total fear of her choking my MIL was a bloody rock so she's not totally annoying, just well weaning)

Jingleflobba Mon 12-Nov-12 10:38:39

Ahem. Well Meaning. Not weaning!

BaronessBomburst Mon 12-Nov-12 10:42:52

mmmnoodlesoup Yes, to some extent, but we're down to a cells and molecules by then. Acidic grapes will have no effect on the breastmilk, and neither will wind-producing, undigested carbohydrates in the mother's gut, nor will a fizzy drink give the baby wind.

But this isn't very helpful to the OP, and it's not fair to turn it into a BF thread.

Yes, people interfering and giving unsolicited advice are bloody annoying!
But I have no idea how to help with the wind, sorry. sad

katiecubs Mon 12-Nov-12 10:46:40

I would say, having had a baby like this an having tried various potions, milks and remedies, that they just grow out if it after a while so hold tight and carry on as you were. She sounds like she is feeding great!

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