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To be sick of people trying to tell me how to care for my newborn?

(61 Posts)
Revelsarethebest Fri 09-Nov-12 08:41:53

My newborn is 3 weeks old. Im 25, married and a first time mum (although have qualifications and alot of experience in babies and children so not clueless).

My baby has terrible wind and really struggles with it. I ve spent hours winding her, changed to anti colic bottles etc, use infacol etc, nothing has helped.

I went to see a friend yesterday (shes much older than me and has a daughter whos 30). All the time i was there, she spent the whole time trying to wind my baby, baby was settled and this was unsettling her.

She spent the whole time trying to tell me what to do with her, said i should change her milk as it was obvious it wasnt satisfying for her (she has 5 ounces every 3 hours) and that as she will take a dummy after a feed that was a sign that it was filling her up!

Tried to explain that i wasnt changing her milk as shes never sick and therefore i could end up with problems if i start messing with her milk etc also HV as advised not to change it.

She tried to convince me to give my baby water with sugar in to get her wind up shock

Theres no way im giving her sugar hmm

There was plenty of other stuff too

I came out of there feeling like a shit mum :-(

My mum also makes comments too.

Fairylea Fri 09-Nov-12 08:44:52

Nod and smile. You'll suffer years of this with everything from weaning to potty training. Everyone has an opinion. If you are content you are doing the best you can then everyone else can fuck off.

EricNorthmanIsMyMaker Fri 09-Nov-12 08:45:33

Hugs. There will always be someone who thinks they know better.
Just remember that she's your baby & Mummy knows best. If you are happy & she is happy then just tell people to mind their own!

valiumredhead Fri 09-Nov-12 08:46:39

Sorry but you need to toughen up and get used to it - this goes on forever when you have a child - just learn to shrug it off. People have pearls of wisdom ALL the time, with babies, toddlers, teens...

Water with sugar used to be recommended for constipation that's prob why she suggested it.

Congrats btw! smile

Fairylea Fri 09-Nov-12 08:46:43

As a side note ds had terrible colic and reflux and we found that changing his milk did help (to sma gold .. the comfort ones were awful and made his colic worse) but that's just my experience... you don't have to listen to me ! smile )

Revelsarethebest Fri 09-Nov-12 08:50:15

Shes on SMA gold now. But is never sick (never have to change her during the day etc)

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood Fri 09-Nov-12 08:51:36

Yes, this is normal when you have a baby smile
Congratulations on your little one!

YDdraigGoch Fri 09-Nov-12 08:52:03

You won't just get advice up to weaning and potty training - you will continue to get advice up to (and after) they go to university! Say "oh good idea" - and carry on as you were.

Iggly Fri 09-Nov-12 08:54:26


Although I wonder if its reflux/intolerance to milk. Infacol is not proven to work. <runs, as giving advice>

Fakebook Fri 09-Nov-12 08:54:48

5 oz every 3 hours is very good for a 3 week old IMO. I can't see how she would be dissatisfied with that.

Just ignore. You know your baby better than a stranger, so carry on as normal.

nannyl Fri 09-Nov-12 08:56:49

Craniel osteopthy worked wonders when my (BF) baby was suffering the same

colief was also far more effective for us than infacol

Revelsarethebest Fri 09-Nov-12 08:58:38

nannyl whats colief?

iggly if it was an intolerance wouldnt she be sick?

pictish Fri 09-Nov-12 09:00:14

Better get used to it OP. Everyone and their dog has an opinion about how to raise your baby, but it doesn't matter, because you'll suit yourself anyway.

It certainly isn't intended to upset or devalue you.

It's no biggy. Smile and nod.

VodkaJelly Fri 09-Nov-12 09:01:54

Just ignore, nod polietly and ignore. The unwanted advice never stops. I am due to have DC4 next month and I am getting advice on how to bring up a baby, normally from people who have only had 1 young child!

It does amaze me how much unsolicited advice is given.

mysteryfairy Fri 09-Nov-12 09:02:00

Blimey she is taking a lot of milk for such a young baby

Sorry wink

Raspberrysorbet Fri 09-Nov-12 09:03:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly Fri 09-Nov-12 09:04:58

No not necessarily.

You get silent reflux - no vomiting and it seems like there's wind but you can get it out. But they're wriggling because of the acid coming up to the throat then down again.

Both of mine had this - they reacted to cows milk.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Fri 09-Nov-12 09:05:52

Water and sugar hmm maybe just a "ahh its all different nowadays" with a non commital shrug every time someone gives you frankly awful advice like that.

Your dd sounds like she is doing fine. Mine always needed more time spent on winding than feeding.

missymoomoomee Fri 09-Nov-12 09:06:00

There was a thread on parenting not long ago about a lady wanting to track down a mum in the supermarket to report her to SS due to the mum not picking him up when he was crying. The person went over and suggested to the mum that he needed feeding and said she would push the trolley or carry the baby, at which point the granny appeared and picked the baby up.

People love to get involved whether its their business or not. I wish people would only give advice when its asked for. Just ignore.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Fri 09-Nov-12 09:06:14

My son is 6 and apparently I'm still not doing it right.... Smile and nod, that's what I say.

mameulah Fri 09-Nov-12 09:06:16

OP, my baby is due in two days and I have no idea or any advice about what you are doing with the milk. I am sure you are a brilliant Mum and you have my total empathy with finding it difficult to cope with other peoples 'helpful advice'.

I look like the size of a house and if ONE MORE PERSON says to me 'have you not had that baby yet?' I think I am going to scream!!! It takes every effort in the world not to turn round and scream 'DOESITLOOKLIKEI'VEHADTHEBABY??????????'

Don't let those 'helpful' people spoil this special time for you.

starfishmummy Fri 09-Nov-12 09:06:41

I'm sure it is all well meant, but obviously things change - 30 years ago, what your friend is suggesting, was probably normal.

BUT in a few years time, you will probably end up being the annoying person; we all say we won't and then go ahead and do it! grin

BackforGood Fri 09-Nov-12 09:08:18

Yes YABU - as you chose to put it in here.
You are allowed to be if you have a new baby though.
People don't like to see a baby who is crying, and kindly offer their suggestions. You don't have to get into a bit debate / explanation of why you are/aren't doing it, you just say "thanks, I've not heard of that before" or something similar, and ignore all the bits you don't want to do, and just take on board any idea that sounds worth a try to you.
By listening to others (not just now, you'll still need support when they are 18+) you hear all sorts of things that you think are pretty ridiculous, but every now and then you hear a little nugget that just makes your life sooooooooooo much better. Just don't get into arguements with friends as you'll always find people have different ideas on what you consider to be quite crucial things.

Mrsjay Fri 09-Nov-12 09:08:30

really nod and smile and say oh maybe and then people are pleased that they have passed on some good experienced mother advice and calm down about it

I am sure in 30 years time you wil be passing on advice about bottles and winding,to some other new mum
your friend has good intentions honestly she doesn't want to harm your baby, oh and sugar water is an ancient remedy for constipation and it works Gps and HV used to recommend it , anyway remember and smile and nod smile

Mrsjay Fri 09-Nov-12 09:09:13

your friend isn't your mil in disguise is she wink

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