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Angry that my son heard a woman slagging us off

(30 Posts)
queencat Thu 08-Nov-12 23:18:51

Today has not been the best of days. My middle child has ASD and today she was particularly high maintenance.

We stop in at the supermarket on way back from dancing. Middle child hits youngest in supermarket so youngest is wailing. All hell breaks loose. The oldest decides to disciple his sister my grabbing her arms. So middle child now starts screaming.i shout at both of them to stop it.

I get my things and go to the till, where the youngest is still hysterical, and it was a bloody self service jobby.

I tell the eldest child to sit on the bench next to a young couple with a baby in a pram.

Youngest is still screaming and middle child is now arsing around with the bags. So again I raise my voice to stop it.

We leave and are back to the car and my son burst into tears that those people said we were a horrible family and what a terrible mother I was that I couldn't control my children.

First of all I'm really bloody upset that he is upset and second of all I'm angry that someone would talk that way in front of him.

Aibu

dolcegusto123 Thu 08-Nov-12 23:22:02

No yanbu. Thats horrible and very judgey. Not right that they would say that infront of your son.

Fuchzia Thu 08-Nov-12 23:23:19

I'd be upset too. So totally understand its not fun hearing ignorant judgy people mouthing off and worse when it's heard by your son sad however that is how some people are and your son will need to realise that and find a way of dealing with it.

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Nov-12 23:23:21

YANBU

I can understand them thinking you're all a bit of a nightmare...because they know nothing about you all...therefore they think what they see.

But nothing should have been said in front of your child.

Mind you, it might make him think twice about grabbing his sister's arms when he's been told to behave?

Fakebook Thu 08-Nov-12 23:23:55

Wait till their sprog grows up and she pops out a few more.

McChristmasPants2012 Thu 08-Nov-12 23:24:00

i always gets this when out shopping with my ASD son.

i have grown a thick skin and even used MN infamous line "did you mean to be so rude" once i had someone then tell me to sort out my kid to which i replied "well he has austism and he is having a bad day" which she went red and scurried along.

fanoftheinvisibleman Thu 08-Nov-12 23:24:40

Yanbu.

Take comfort that one day karma will bite them on the arse when their pfb is old enough to create.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you all.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 08-Nov-12 23:25:08

You poor thing. I am 'that' mother all the time with DD. I try but end up flustered, loud, end-of-tether and she is just one child.

For anyone, particularly a couple with a baby (who will learn, mark my words) to be that mean in front of a child is awful. They don't get an opinion.

queencat Thu 08-Nov-12 23:25:19

I feel really sorry for him, he has taken on the role of man of the house as I'm a single mum. I tell him to ignore his sister, but she just winds him up no end!

McChristmasPants2012 Thu 08-Nov-12 23:26:59

I bet you have alot of advice, but one thing that works for DS is having DH iphone and playing the apps, could something like that work for you.

blackeyedsusan Thu 08-Nov-12 23:27:53

give you son some strategies for difficult situations. there may well be a few at school about how his younger sibling is "naughty" or whatever and he needs some swift one liners to put the other children in their place.

here, I have chocolate, come and join the terrible mother bench.

queencat Thu 08-Nov-12 23:29:30

No if I give her the iPhone she won't move, it's like talking to a brick wall.

She shouted she hated me at dancing in front of the other mums and she wished I was dead. I'm so embarrassed, I just feel so out of control. Especially as to look at her you would think butter wouldn't melt (not when she's having a meltdown clearly)

UltraBOF Thu 08-Nov-12 23:30:14

I feel for you. It doesn't matter how many witty comebacks you have stockpiled, there is just something about the criticism of strangers that renders you helpless. I've been there, honestly.

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Nov-12 23:30:35

Well as an aside...

You'd do well to tell him there's no such thing as a 'man of the house' role.

I'm sure he means well - bless him but he's a child.

Even if he was a man...what does 'man of the house' actually mean to him?

Does he not see you as the authority figure? Does he feel he needs to step into that role for some reason?

queencat Thu 08-Nov-12 23:32:40

I don't know, he is very protective of me, he doesn't like to see me upset. My partner left me three years ago for someone else and the children have seen me at my very worst. I don't know if its that that makes him the way he is.

Tryharder Thu 08-Nov-12 23:35:20

LOL at the young couple. They'll learn....

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Nov-12 23:35:29

I do understand why he'll be very protective...he loves you and he's obviously trying to help.

But I really would try to get this 'man of the house' thing out of his head.

He's a child and he should be free to be one...a protective one but still a child.

tryingsoonflying Thu 08-Nov-12 23:35:41

Sympathy to you and your ds, what a horrible, mean, judgy couple, but the great thing is, we all know karma will bite them on the arse once their pfb is up and running grin! I was in supermarket once and my dd then aged about 3, let her legs go as I was leading her by the hand. So for a micro second she was dragged before I was able to stop IYSWIM. Cue old harpy screaming at me and following me roun d supermarket about me "dragging that child" blush it was so humiliating, I hurried home almost with eyes shut and sobbed my bloody guts out. I feel for you and admire all you're doing in the situation you're in. You sound like a great mum smile thanks

Popumpkin Thu 08-Nov-12 23:37:49

I feel for you. DS1 has Aspergers/ASD and I have had many similar incidents with him over the years. By that I mean DS1 making an exhibition of us somewhere & then having to put up with the comments of random strangers - not that a random stranger upset one of my DC.

This is why, when I see a child having a meltdown in Tesco or a parent clearly at the end of their tether on the bus, I feel nothing but sympathy & instead of judging, assume they are just having a bad day!

queencat Thu 08-Nov-12 23:37:57

I do worra, I tell him not to get involved. I would love for him to have had a 'care and worry free' childhood. Racked with guilt over how it's all turned out for the children. I didn't want this life for them.

TwinkleReturns Thu 08-Nov-12 23:39:18

angry for you OP. I got arsey comments in Costa yesterday when DD 19mo went up and said hello to a mum with a new baby. She wasnt doing anything more than being friendly and I am pg and was juggling buggy, bags and a coffee whilst trying to keep an eye on her. Apparently I shouldnt be having another one if I cant control the one Ive already got angry

Some people are incredibly rude and think they have the right to pass judgement. The thing is they will get the comments one day (dont we all at some point) and then maybe think twice before judging others.

maddening Thu 08-Nov-12 23:40:47

God I couldn't imagine saying something like that about a mum who is clearly just having a bad day let alone in front of her child -what a pair of pricks!

Bunnyjo Thu 08-Nov-12 23:41:15

Oh no YANBU. I remember an incident when I was heavily pregnant with DD - all I heard was a child screaming "Mum, you're hurting me! Ow, ow OW..." and I turned to see a mum struggling with her toddler. I didn't see what had actually happened, but my inner judgy pants were giving me a wedgie and I was thinking poor child. Fast forward 3 years and DD tried to dart into the road, I grabbed her quickly and she said the exact same words I had heard 3 years earlier. I actually heard an old bat dear say to her husband "That poor child..." sad

Now, I do not judge. If I see a mum looking bloody desperate and exasperated, I ask if there is anything I can do to help. Chrisy, we all have bad days and sometimes a nice gesture, or even a smile, can make all the difference...

Bunnyjo Thu 08-Nov-12 23:42:50

Christ, not chrisy bloosy sausage fingers

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Nov-12 23:44:53

Bunnyjo I often find myself looking (natural if there's a sudden loud noise next to you) and I always flash an empathetic/knowing smile if I'm 'caught' looking.

But having read thread after thread on MN by Mothers who have been incredulous about a stranger looking or smiling...it makes me think twice!

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