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To wonder why having a bed is a cp issue?

(79 Posts)
BrittaPerry Thu 08-Nov-12 21:21:04

I keep reading that one of the main things checked when ss visit is if the child has a bed and what state it is in.

Would they be upset if the child shared a bed with a sibling or the parents, or had a mattress on the floor?

(My two have their own beds, but both regularly sleep in my or each others beds - it isn't a huge leap to imagine this happening so much that someone wouldn't bother with wasting the space for another bed. Me n my sister shared a bed when we were under 5 in the late 80s, because my mum was worried I would hurt her climbing into her cot every night for a cuddle and we turned out fine.) (we are also thinking of getting that Ikea bed where the bottom mattress is on the floor to reduce the possibility of the kids hurting themselves falling out of the top bunk) (we have just started HE and I have a history of mental health problems that have led to a surprise SS visit in the past, so there is the slight possibility of the wrong end of the stick being got)

Jamillalliamilli Fri 09-Nov-12 11:24:50

I grew up being passed from one bad situation to another. I didn't have my own bed, or often any form of bed, mattress, or sofa. I ranged from newspaper and what I was wearing, to my closest stab at normality; an extendible deck chair (teen in an adult’s bedroom who couldn't possibly be let sleep anywhere else!) with proper blankets, that tipped up and threatened to catapult you, or drop you in a crumpled heap if you moved and your bum wasn't in exactly the right place.

My existence was always temporary, my life a problem to be solved rather than lived or even enjoyed. Where and often how, I slept, wasn't a matter of any concern, including in fairness, to me.

With hindsight I can see that while I’d have thought it the least of my problems at the time, and one of the least obvious, it really was quite a good indicator of what was happening to me, depreciating status from an already low one, and lack of importance or permanence to anyone, which in turn left me open to natural predation.

A child without a ‘natural’ place to sleep, can be taken off by anyone, to anywhere, at any time, to anyone’s car or bed, quite reasonably, it’s not like it ‘should’ be somewhere else, or something abnormal’s happing.

There’s a huge difference between a well-loved child in an unconventional situation, (one of mine was allowed to live and sleep in a cardboard box that he’d decorated and denned for a weekend because he was having soooo much fun) and a child who’s unvalued, a problem, and has no place, permanence, or right to a space to call it’s own anywhere, drifting through life uncared about.

I've little faith in SS, knowing them (as an adult) to be a post code lottery of good, bad and indifferent, and range from intelligent, educated, and caring, to shockingly dim with poor literacy, and self serving, but honestly, any worried co-sleepers, happy mattress on the floor lot (and my cardboard box dweller) have little to worry about in terms of ‘do they have their own bed,’ in itself, it’s really not the actual issue.

RainbowsFriend Fri 09-Nov-12 11:27:22

Thanks justgettingonwithit - that's a great reassurance as I do worry. And I want to take home and cuddle your younger self sad

YerMaw1989 Fri 09-Nov-12 11:31:07

That 'protecting our children' shocked me when the parents had a bed but the child didn't. I think it depends what context it is in.

Spero Sat 10-Nov-12 00:30:04

Justgettingonwithit, that is a brilliant post and says it all. I am sad for your younger self and sad that no one rescued you. I hope you are a case of 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.

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