To wonder why having a bed is a cp issue?(79 Posts)
I keep reading that one of the main things checked when ss visit is if the child has a bed and what state it is in.
Would they be upset if the child shared a bed with a sibling or the parents, or had a mattress on the floor?
(My two have their own beds, but both regularly sleep in my or each others beds - it isn't a huge leap to imagine this happening so much that someone wouldn't bother with wasting the space for another bed. Me n my sister shared a bed when we were under 5 in the late 80s, because my mum was worried I would hurt her climbing into her cot every night for a cuddle and we turned out fine.) (we are also thinking of getting that Ikea bed where the bottom mattress is on the floor to reduce the possibility of the kids hurting themselves falling out of the top bunk) (we have just started HE and I have a history of mental health problems that have led to a surprise SS visit in the past, so there is the slight possibility of the wrong end of the stick being got)
I grew up being passed from one bad situation to another. I didn't have my own bed, or often any form of bed, mattress, or sofa. I ranged from newspaper and what I was wearing, to my closest stab at normality; an extendible deck chair (teen in an adults bedroom who couldn't possibly be let sleep anywhere else!) with proper blankets, that tipped up and threatened to catapult you, or drop you in a crumpled heap if you moved and your bum wasn't in exactly the right place.
My existence was always temporary, my life a problem to be solved rather than lived or even enjoyed. Where and often how, I slept, wasn't a matter of any concern, including in fairness, to me.
With hindsight I can see that while Id have thought it the least of my problems at the time, and one of the least obvious, it really was quite a good indicator of what was happening to me, depreciating status from an already low one, and lack of importance or permanence to anyone, which in turn left me open to natural predation.
A child without a natural place to sleep, can be taken off by anyone, to anywhere, at any time, to anyones car or bed, quite reasonably, its not like it should be somewhere else, or something abnormals happing.
Theres a huge difference between a well-loved child in an unconventional situation, (one of mine was allowed to live and sleep in a cardboard box that hed decorated and denned for a weekend because he was having soooo much fun) and a child whos unvalued, a problem, and has no place, permanence, or right to a space to call its own anywhere, drifting through life uncared about.
I've little faith in SS, knowing them (as an adult) to be a post code lottery of good, bad and indifferent, and range from intelligent, educated, and caring, to shockingly dim with poor literacy, and self serving, but honestly, any worried co-sleepers, happy mattress on the floor lot (and my cardboard box dweller) have little to worry about in terms of do they have their own bed, in itself, its really not the actual issue.
Thanks justgettingonwithit - that's a great reassurance as I do worry. And I want to take home and cuddle your younger self
That 'protecting our children' shocked me when the parents had a bed but the child didn't. I think it depends what context it is in.
Justgettingonwithit, that is a brilliant post and says it all. I am sad for your younger self and sad that no one rescued you. I hope you are a case of 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.
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