Well AIBU(454 Posts)
Im asking for advice and opinions on how you would handle this situation
My son, 19, left college earlier this year and eventually signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job applications were unsuccessful
Since then he has been sanctioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group session at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his attitude of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you attitude
They then after the sanction recommended him for a work placement and he went to the company (JHP) for an initial interview and the guy there told him your here and youve been put on a work placement as a punishment
He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said something along the lines being punished for being 3 mins late to a group whos best advice on how to find a job was look on the internet for vacancies
He also asked if work placements were the great government scheme to help people into work why are you admitting you are putting me on this for punishment (his thinking here was if he hadnt been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work placement)
. he also asked If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a charity shop for a month do you really think Id put that on my CV when I have skills and qualifications already , what does that say about me other than I was unemployed and put on a workscheme
They then sanctioned his job seekers again. .then suspended it indefinitely . Then sent him p45 form saying he was obviously not entitled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!
We now have Alasdair Darling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edinburgh council involved too but , but this is my point. . . . . . .
I created in part his attitude towards the DWP, Job Centres and work placements so should I just suck it up and continue paying for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hobbies etc) or should should I say . ..youre unemployed and until you get the means to support yourself your going have to suck it up and play ball with whatever they want you to do for £56 a week
Id really appreciate some views , thanks coz Im torn between going gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and Ill support you and Well you need to stand on your two feet
He sounds a bit workshy and stroppy. Was he really only 3 mins late, or is that what he told you? And how was it not his fault he was late?
He left college bcaus h course came to an end and he graduated
Workshy? This appears to be a Workfare-type placement - why wouldn't he resent it?
sticking labels on stuff in a charity shop does not scream 'im umemployed and have been put on a work scheme'. To me it woukd show there is a person who is willing to work to gain as much experience as possible.
to be honest, from what you have written his attitude stinks.
I think he sounds really entitled, to be honest. Did he think everyone would be falling over themselves to employ him when he left college early? It sounds as though he has a bad attitude.
If you now 'reward' him financially for this cock up, then you are authorising him to continue with his attitude.
You should tell him to sort himself out immediately and not give him money in the meantime unless it's to get to an interview.
Sorry to be harsh; I have a son that age and I think if you're soft, you are literally ruining them.
It's a conundrum. On one hand he needs to learn to deal with how things work and consequences. On the other hand, Workfare stinks. He needs to apply for everything, treat that like a full-time job. If he does that, could you sub him as long as he does?
Why have you got an MP and the council involved? I'd har told him to get a grip. And what do you mean you created his attitude?
It seems from the OPs second post he did not leave college early!!!
He does need to put his head down and get on with it.
Was the 3 minutes really not his fault?
As I always think getting somewhere early just in case is a good idea.
I'd give him nothing and be lecturing him constant about how he can turn working in a charity shop to his advantage - there are plenty of transferable skills.
He sounds entitled and pissed off - and I'd have him out the house every morning at 9am looking for work.
I'm an experienced and highly qualified IT professional. When I was made redundant I worked in a warehouse sorting widgets for a few days because it was a job. I didn't consider myself too good to do it and I'm massively better qualified than your DS. He needs a good dose of humility and to learn that nothing gets handed to you on a plate. He also needs to learn that sometimes you just have to work with the system even though you think it's stupid. I signed on when I was made redundant and jumped through all the hoops even though I knew they'd never find me a job.
Deborah Meaden off Dragons' Den was talking on the radio a few months ago. She said that she had interviewed loads of new graduates who'd left university a year or two ago and had looked for management jobs since then. They wanted to go in at that level because they thought they were worth it, that their degree was enough to tell an employer they were special enough.
She said she wanted hard workers. She was asked what she'd say if someone had worked for the last two years at McDonald's cleaning the toilets and she said she would think they were fantastic, that they were really hard working and independent. She said it's those who sit there applying for jobs and living off their parents that she couldn't stand.
Your son needs to get any experience he can.
He has to play ball. But the staff are under tremendous pressure to give out sanctions (because they save money).
Walking out of a placement on the grounds of what one person said to him is pretty stupid. Sticking labels on stuff at the back of a charity shop says that he is willing to knuckle down and do anything. It would also give him experience of being in a working environment and forming relations with other volunteers. I don't understand why your son can't see that skills and qualifications aren't enough. You need experience.
He needs to get to appointments on time, allowing extra time for delays, and see things through.
I think Workfare stinks and the groups to get you back to work are hopeless and the people who stop your benefit at the drop of a hat are VVVunreasonable.....but if you're unemployed and claiming benefits then you have to suck it up. that's not to say he can't continue with complaining to MPs and whoever else about how bad the system is but in the meantime he has to knuckle down and do what everyone else on benefits
who doesn't have the luxury of a Mum to sub them if they don't fancy the work placement
I do think that you would be encouraging a very unhelpful attitude in your son, I having principles and taking a stand is all very honourable and admirable but doing it when funded by the bank of Mum does make it somewhat easier. Would he take the same very firm stance about these schemes and be so outspoken if it meant he couldn't afford to pay his gas bill or buy his food for the week
What does he want to do?
It seems like you and he are stuck in a combative relationship with the JS people which at best will be resolved and he will get put back on JSA, and at worst will continue as it is.
But either way they are probably not in a position to help him get the job he wants - as both you and he recognise -So it is up to you and him to come up with a plan to do that, rather than focus your energy on the fight with with the JS.
His attitude will do him no favours with future employers. They can pick and choose, and they're not going to choose those who are late or arrogant. Sorry
His attitude absolutely stinks IMVHO.
My DS1 lost his weekend job earlier in August because the business went bankrupt. He'd love to work, he is actively looking for another part time job, whilst studying really hard for his A levels. We live in the smallest county in England where jobs are few and far between, but he keeps trying, he narrowly missed out on two jobs last week.
I would be giving him nothing and I would be sending him out of the door every day at 9am looking for work!
the 3 minuties really wasn't his fault.
He was in good time with 20 mins to spare (I can vouch for this as he left the house 1 hour before for what normally be a 20 min Jourey .
There was an an accident on the main road Princes Street Edinburgh and the bus man would not let him of the bus the bus because they ere not at a valid 'bus stop'
At which point he explained and profusely apologised...?
He's 19 and an adult and needs to sort himself out. Sounds like he's got some hard lessons to learn, one of which being that flouncing doesn't get you very far in life.
Sometimes, even tho you have been treated unfairly you jus have to suck it up and jump through some hoops with a good attitude for long term gain.
Your son sounds like a right twat, walking off the placement like that. Really immature and stroppy.
No whois he is not a right twat ,,,,,,,,just a 19 year old boy scared skint and unemployed
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