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to feel that this was possibly bullying?

(6 Posts)
grumblinalong Thu 08-Nov-12 18:20:02

Don't know if I'm being over sensitive because I'm under the weather but someone made me cry at work today, never happened in the 2 years I've been there and I'm not usually a blubberer (I'm on prozac so usually very even emotionally, thanks to the drugs).

The background is: I am temporarily managing until they recruit my new boss and this means I have to lead on a programme that involves 2 teams working together, the other team have their own manager who is above me in my normal (non managerial) job. At the start of our whole team meeting this week I said in a cackhanded way that is was good for us all finally to get together as I feel there have been some issues (with communication breaking down etc) between teams. I knew I'd worded it badly and tried to say this but I was running on very little sleep (due to having 3 dc's who were waking due to being ill simultaneously) and was nervous because there were about 20 people looking at me.

So today the other team manager took me to a room to 'have a word' and basically told me in no uncertain terms that she was gobsmacked by my comment, that she didn't think there was any bad feeling between the teams (I never said there was, even though there is) and I needed to unpick it with her and apologise to her team and mine. I apologised to her and said perhaps I had worded it badly but no one in my team had raised it. She continued pushing so I said I'd (humiliatingly) email both teams, explain what I meant and apologise. This is where it gets into bullying I think...she continued to push it saying 'What are you going to do? We are not used to this grumblin, what are you going to do?' For literally 5 minutes until I eventually said 'Look I've told you what I'm going to do, what else are you getting at?' She then shut me down and walked out. I sent the email reluctantly (copying in my line manager, who has said nothing so far) because I just wanted it to go away but the whole thing has left me feeling uncomfortable and demeaned. She obviously pulled rank and wanted to put me in my place but I think forcing a very public humiliating email to people I am also trying to manage is going too far and over the top? AIBU (sorry it is so long, very cathartic to get it out there though).

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 08-Nov-12 18:29:02

I don't think it's bullying but I can't see what her problem actually is. I really can't. You said articulated yourself a bit badly,but,unless you're missing out something massive, everyone would have got the gist of what you meant surely.

Well done not tell her to get a fucking grip btw,must have been terribly tempting!

grumblinalong Thu 08-Nov-12 18:40:58

ok. thought I was being a bit sensitive. I was totally thrown. It was like we were talking different languages. She was just being a bitch she would have never spoken to my old manager like that!

MummytoKatie Thu 08-Nov-12 20:21:04

Seems to me that she hasn't had sex since 1995 and needs to start getting some!

Or maybe she has big enormous spots on her bottom and they were bothering her.

Or maybe the reason she hasn't had sex since 1995 is because of the spots on her bottom!

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 08-Nov-12 20:49:10

OP - I'm not surprised!

Thought not bullying (because it implies it's happened more than), ,she was definitely being unpleasant and perhaps trying to intimidate you.

Have you sent the email? If not,tell her you're not going to "apologise" in it.

Instead phrase it along the lines of "as it was my meeting time holding the meeting,any feedback would be welcome" whilst summing up what was said during it.decisions made etc etc.

That way if anyone was bothered they can say so privately. Plus everyone likes to think their opinion counts.

YouSeveredHead Thu 08-Nov-12 20:53:41

I disagree, she spoke to you in a manner which you found intimidating and humiliating and has made you apologies to two teams who probably didn't even have a problem with what you said.

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