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More a WWYD, should I say something?

(23 Posts)
paddlepie Thu 08-Nov-12 12:49:15

DS is 3.8yrs and attends nursery every morning. He is the youngest in his class. Most of the others are 4.5ish.

On Monday walking home a few of the kids had run on ahead and when we got to where we turn into our street I said "come on DS" to him, only to have another boy say "yes go away" and push DS over. This boys Mum didn't see it and I just ignored it and carried on home with DS (with him crying the rest of the way home that X had pushed him).

Then today coming home the kids run ahead as usual, one of the girls fell off a scooter so DS goes over to her and says "are you ok", to which this same boy runs over and shouts "shut up stupid" at him. Again I never said anything, just walked off with DS. The boys Mum didn't see it again.

I'm annoyed at myself for not saying anything, but really, what is appropriate for me to say?? I don't feel it's my place to say anything to this boy, but he is so horrible to DS for no reason! Is this just one of those things that I need to get used to or should I mention it to the boys Mum or nursery teacher? I really don't want to come across as being precious (even though I'm well aware I probably am!)

Crushinginevitability Thu 08-Nov-12 12:51:41

Yes, FGS say something, both to the child AND his mum! Otherwise your boy will think that even you can't protect him or stand up for him even when you see it happening!
Couldn't you have said "Hey! That's not very kind/nice way to talk, let's find your mum whilst we chat about it."

Everlong Thu 08-Nov-12 12:51:54

I think in this situation I would speak to school first.

I wouldn't shy away from bringing this up either.

Whatnowffs Thu 08-Nov-12 12:53:07

Have a chat to the nursery teacher - they will want to know if there are any issues so they can keep an eye on it. Id avoid talking to the mother about it, because if SHE is precious then she wont thank you for it smile You on the other hand are absolutely not being precious.

Crushinginevitability Thu 08-Nov-12 12:53:23

And stop thinking about how YOU feel, what people might think of YOU! Jeez! Why isn't it your place to defend your child? Honestly I'm shock

Everlong Thu 08-Nov-12 12:55:48

crushing in these situations it's better not to rush in all guns blazing.

The op is thinking about the best way to go about it. That's a good thing.

You're a long time at those school gates.

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Nov-12 12:56:24

If it's not your place to stick up for your 3yr old, then whose place is it FGS? shock

Tell him firmly, "That's not nice and if I see you doing it/saying it again, I'll tell your Mum".

paddlepie Thu 08-Nov-12 12:57:28

Thanks everyone. I genuinely didn't know if I should say anything or not. DS doesn't really realise whats going on tbh, he's young and far to naive to think this boy is being horrible on purpose. I'm going to speak to the nursery teacher tomorrow when I drop him off.

Thanks so much for reassuring me that I'm not being OTT, I'm rubbish at this kind of thing and avoid confrontation normally. Will need to give myself a kick up the backside for this though!

Everlong Thu 08-Nov-12 13:01:19

OP your ds might not have noticed this boy right now because he's only 3, but in a years time he will. In any case this other boy shouldn't be behaving like that, it needs sorting.

DeWe Thu 08-Nov-12 13:02:43

I would have a chat to the teacher, and just let them know that there could be either an issue with this other lad, or possible friction between your two.

Having said that the boys in ds's reception year (a year ago) thought that "shut up, you idiot" was terribly funny and would use it as a greeting. I've no idea why, I guessed it might be something from TV (we don't have one).

I clamped down on him saying it initially, which seemed to make it very desirable hmm. So I ignored it and he stopped saying it within a week of that. Although some of the other boys still use it occasionally, if they do to ds, he usually looks at me, and I give him the look back and he doesn't say it back.

Floggingmolly Thu 08-Nov-12 13:13:38

Your DS "cried all the way home that X had pushed him". Of course he realises what's going on confused
What Crushing said in the first reply. It wouldn't occur to me to do anything else. Have you thought the boy may be continuing to do this as he feels emboldened by the fact that you don't defend your son?

Tenderisthenight Thu 08-Nov-12 13:32:48

Say something loudly and clearly to the other boy if it happens again. I would say something like 'you have really upset ds by saying/doing that. It was very unkind.' Choosing words like that means that if the child's mother does hear you then she can't be annoyed with you as you are only sating the facts rather than active,y telling her child off. Actually my aim would be to send a clear message to my own child that I found it inappropriate and also to make him feel better, knowing that I was on his side and fighting for justice. It will depend on how authoritative you sound how much impact it will have on the other child.

Crushinginevitability Thu 08-Nov-12 13:35:20

Everlong there's a huge difference between rushing in all guns blazing, and being assertive on the spot! Behaviour like that in children so young needs dealing with calmly, fairly but most of all, instantly.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 08-Nov-12 13:45:04

I would have said something to the boy at the time - both times. I can't understand why you didn't - he pushed your DS over and made him cry and all you did was walk off? 'Oi, what do you think you are doing? Say sorry now and do NOT push people around. I'm sure your Mum will not be happy to hear what you have done'. YOU are the adult, stop acting as if you have no power here.

I would mention it to the teacher, but only in a 'We've had a bit of hassle from x on the way home, I've dealt with it, but could you please keep an eye on DS t make sure it's not happening here as well'.

sue52 Thu 08-Nov-12 14:40:07

Say something to the other boy's mum, she hadn't seen either incident and she should be given the chance to correct her son's behaviour herself.

MadameCastafiore Thu 08-Nov-12 14:42:56

Blimey I would have said something to the child and to their mother - we are here to protect our and what sort of message are you giving him letting other kids shout at him and push him over. And he would have realised what was going on he is young not stupid.

FannyFifer Thu 08-Nov-12 14:46:03

I would and have told of children that are not mine for similar.
No big deal, stick up for you child.

Everlong Thu 08-Nov-12 14:52:29

I would still say something to school.

So they know that you are aware of the problem.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 08-Nov-12 14:53:19

I don't think this is a matter for the teacher...its out of nursery.

I would say something to the little boy at the time&if it happens again,speak to the mum.

Everlong Thu 08-Nov-12 14:54:14

But he will no doubt be behaving like that in nursery.

paddlepie Thu 08-Nov-12 14:59:21

I will 100% be saying something to the boy if anything happens again, I can't believe I didn't before, think I was just shocked. If it happens again I'll say to his mum at the time too. I'm going to mention to the nursery teacher tomorrow morning so she can make sure it's not happening there as well.

AThingInYourLife Thu 08-Nov-12 15:08:04

I would really want to know if my child were the one behaving like that.

Not that you have to tell her.

Floggingmolly Thu 08-Nov-12 17:33:40

If he's a nursery child, why is he always so far away from his mum that she can't see him pushing other children / hear him shouting at other children?
Are you sure she's unaware?

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