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To be gutted that the school just told me DD is moderately to severely dyslexic.

(42 Posts)
Whatnowffs Thu 08-Nov-12 09:56:16

Unreasonable because I already knew (she is 7) and she is actually very bright so with the right help we should be able to do well, her best, its all i want really.

But now i have this "diagnosis" I feel a bit overwhelmed by all the information (that i stuck my head in the sand and ignored really up until now) that is out there.

The teacher said i "could" have a private assesment done but it would cost £350 and be a waste of money as it woudlnt change their approach. I can't actually afford it anyway but may qualify for help???

We are to have an official meeting with the SENCO as this was the teacher taking me to one side and letting me know, she is to have an individual education plan? This is a good thing i think?

I know i shouldn't be gutted really, I now have confirmation of what i have known all along but maybe i was hoping that DD was just a "slow developer" and would catch up without intervention. Now i know that she is going to face significant difficulties with her learning and I am at a loss as to how to help her.

Looking for a kick up the bum really

Musomathsci Thu 08-Nov-12 10:02:55

Of course it's a shock and you need some time to get your head round this, but do try to focus on the positives - instead of struggling on, hoping for things to somehow sort themselves out, you now have a diagnosis and a plan and help coming your way.

mischiefmummy Thu 08-Nov-12 10:10:22

Feel for you, I was in the same boat in June. DD3(7) is very dyslexic, which I had suspected but it is always a big blow to have it confirmed.

I was all for selling the house and moving her to a school for children with dyslexia but I did see sense in the end!! She is on SchoolAction + and so is getting a lot of additional 1:1 support at school and obviously her own IEP (Individual Educational Plan). We also do Hornet at home which she enjoys and it definitely makes a difference.

I also remind myself that DD2 (11) (also dyslexic) is now a fabulous reader and that is a result of three years of Toe-by-toe every night (which I prefer to Hornet)

Hornet (supports spelling too is designed for younger readers) and Toe by Toe are both available on Amazon, and I will be introducing TbT once DD3 is more established with Hornet.

She will be fine, because you want to help her and because it's been spotted early. Let me know if you need any more info.

LadyRainicorn Thu 08-Nov-12 10:13:17

I can sympathize with how you feel, but I don't have any words of wisdom of how to get over it other than try to put it to one side while you sort out praticalities.

It is worth having a formal document setting out the level of your dd's dyslexia. This will aid her later in life - it gives higher educational bodies and employers 'permission' as it were, to give/spend money on extra time in exams, alternative means of presenting info, extra equipment to aid her learn new things. It counts as a disability so they are legally obliged to make reasonable adjustments. The formal assessment will count as proof of the disability and kick start stuff into gear. You may be able to claim the money back for the private assessment - I remember a number of people at uni doing this and getting the money back if it came back stating that they were dyslexic.

EdsRedeemingQualities Thu 08-Nov-12 10:14:39

It's normal to feel upset when given a diagnosis. It's also a Good Thing imo - better than our scholl that steadfastly refuses to admit ds might have a problem, despite our having a private assessment done outside school. And he has had hardly any help, and now faces an 11 plus he'll probably fail because the blooming school can't stand the idea of having to up their percentage of SN children by admitting that they have some.

I'm ranting I know, sorry - but take whatever they offer, it could make all the difference to your DD's confidence and progress.

Best of luck xx

BearPear Thu 08-Nov-12 10:25:02

At least they noticed! I mentioned a few things at my DD's final parent's night when she was 16, and the teacher organised testing which concluded that DD is mildly dyslexic. She had got through all her formal education without a single teacher spotting an issue - I only picked up on the signs after talking to a friend who had a dyslexic daughter and she said that my DD had some of the classic symptoms! My DD was good at keeping her head down and just scraping through her classes.

Now you can go ahead and get the support your DD will need. Good luck.

sashh Thu 08-Nov-12 10:27:08

She will be fine.

She is going to get the help she needs. Oh and you can tell her "Welcome to the club".

fosterdream Thu 08-Nov-12 10:47:20

When I was in primary I was told I Was dyslexic and struggled all through school with writing and reading. I was forced to read this did not help one bit and as a result I hated reading up till I was around 17 I started writing to a friend, if I didn't know how to spell the word I would look it up and learn the meaning. I read a book that I loved and have never looked back. I now have a book shelf full of books and read as much as I can.

My advice would not to force the DC to read but to find out what sort of stories she likes and go from there get a love of books build in her and she will willingly want to learn to her best ability.

Looking back now I think I was just been fobbed off as a English girl in Wales that they didn't want to teach. I can remember been treated VERY badly at school. I now know that I was not dyslexic if I was surely I would be able read 700+ page books in less than a week.

Wow I'm ranting I don't know if this post will help but the best advice I can give is simple not to force her to read, find out what stories she loves and go from there. I know she's still young but how about a none judging relative or close friend to be her pen pal? I really do hope this helps her (smile)

Whatnowffs Thu 08-Nov-12 11:05:56

I wonder if this means that DD will get special dispensation for the 11 plus, i had pretty much written off her passing this and wasn't going to get her to enter it (i know is a way off yet) but if it is "just" dyslexia then ruling out grammar schooling is jumping the gun a bit? The provision for non selective schooling in this area is dire.

EntWife Thu 08-Nov-12 13:38:30

OP, try not to fret too much. I was diagnosed as dyslexic at about the same age and have managed to complete my education to university level and be gainfully and lucratively employed.

Dyslexia is a hurdle, not a barrier.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 08-Nov-12 14:14:13

I'm not clear how school knows so precisely how dyslexic she is without a diagnosis. I think that's a bit of a worry, especially if you are looking at 11 plus dispensation, because I think for that she will need an official diagnosis. A proper diagnosis should also help show exactly where her strengths and weaknesses lie - though if the SENCO is good she or he should be able to do some of that.

I think it's good they were on the ball about working out there's a problem - hopefully the meeting with the SENCO will give you lots of strategies to help sort things out. It must be really overwhelming to have them tell you what they think is wrong before they explain what they plan to do to help, but there is a lot out there that can be done. And the good thing is that at 7, she is still so early on, so hopefully she won't have to go through years of struggling without anyone trying to help her.

She can get there. There are lots of us out there, welcome to the club!

Whatnowffs Thu 08-Nov-12 14:34:44

Thanks everyone - obviously will talk to the SENCO about getting the testing done but we are really strapped. Am to be starting a new part time job soon so that might help.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 08-Nov-12 14:36:16

You've got a while, though? See what the SENCO says, but you could always just see how it works out for now, give the school some time to see if what they do works. She's not going to do the 11 plus for ages.

MrsCantSayAnything Thu 08-Nov-12 14:37:27

YANBU of course. My friend who is severely Dyslexic has a very, very succesful career. She's a talented scriptwriter of all things! She's won awards.

Have heart. It will be fine.

woopdiedoo Thu 08-Nov-12 14:40:34

Totally understandable op. I was told at parents evening by DS's horrible teacher that they suspected dyslexia. I burst out crying and it took a long time to sink in. I blamed myself for not trying harder with him (he hated homework because he found it so hard and it became a battle ground.

He was never properly assessed as the school told me similar i.e. that their approach would be the same with it without an official diagnosis. After struggling for several more years, he massively improved in y6 and is doing very well now.

No words of wisdom, just wanted to say YANBU and I understand.

foofooyeah Thu 08-Nov-12 14:48:23

I am in the same position as you as my son aged 8 has just had the same diagnosis - but only after I pushed the school over my concerns and made them act on a proper assessment.

His Dad is also very dyslexic and is so worried as he knows what hell he went through at school and continues to go through today.

however understanding and help are much better now, they seem to have a good plan in place at school and thanks for the mention of toe to toe which I will look into.

There is nothng we can do to 'fix' our children but we can ensure they get the tools and help they need to cope with it

Chandon Thu 08-Nov-12 15:01:55

Well, to look on the bright side:
- your school seem to be supportive, get as much 121 for her as you can as I find that is really effective.
- her reading writing CAN get a lot better with practice.
- you found out at a young age.

Advantages of an Ed Psych report (through the school or privately, but sadly £££) is that it will highlight exactly what the issues are (processing, memory, or other things) and that a report will also highlight her strengths (dyslexics are often more than average good in other things such as spacial awareness, visualising shapes, non verbal reasoning etc.). Also, with a report she will get given extra time in exams (but that is not relevant until she is much older).

I found out having a proper Ed Psych "diagnosis" invaluable. Especially as we found out he has a great ability in maths, and therefore it is not all negative IYSWIM.

My son is 10 now, and he is actually doing o.k. (better than we feared after super disastrous SATs at age 7, followed by diagnosis).

If the school think he is dyslexic, they should really back it up by having her tested properly. Any chance of that? My school would not, but that was because they thought he was NOt dyslexic, just lazy angry

carocaro Thu 08-Nov-12 17:44:08

My DS is 10 and dyslexic, and I was like you (upset, gutted, scared) when he was diagnosed at aged 7, but now 3 years on and wiser it is actually a really good thing!

I would go on, but babysitting two others as well as mine, so please PM and I can help, I promise!

Joiningthegang Thu 08-Nov-12 17:51:38

My son is 6 and I think he is dyslexic but school reluctant to test until he is 7 - it is heartbreaking seeing him struggle and being so behind others in his class.

Totbytoe was brilliant over the summer, but school don't seem to want todo it - but are ensuring he is read with everyday.

He is a bright boy but his problems with reading and writing are really impacting on his self esteem

Op - has your daughter been formally tested then?

Jins Thu 08-Nov-12 17:57:31

We were a little later with the diagnosis but I was relieved once the shock wore off. It explained so much.

DS1 is now completing his A Levels and University beckons. We had a few challenging years in primary but by secondary he'd found his own coping strategies and blossomed.

Don't be gutted. I'm really envious of DS1s memory and ability to visualise problems. Reading and writing issues aside he has not really faced significant difficulties as his school teaches in a very inclusive way.

BCBG Thu 08-Nov-12 18:07:31

My DD is severely dyslexic but we moved her to a school that allowed her to work on a laptop straight away (as per her report recommendation) and she has software (Writeonline) and text to Speech software that supports her writing. Academically she is in the top quartile of her year, but without the technology she would be closer to the bottom. In a way we are so much better off than we would have been even a decade ago, as now there is less reliance on scribes and more on the newer technology. Having said that, I know a lovely Marine Biologist who graduated from Oxbridge a year ago having had a scribe throughout her time there!

Whatnowffs Fri 09-Nov-12 12:24:25

Last night DP came down from reading to DD, he was nearly crying - he said that DD said to him, out of the blue "Daddy, why can't i read, all the other children in my class can read and i am the only one that can't" I coudlnt speak sad

Whatnowffs Fri 09-Nov-12 12:26:56

I think I am going to try and have an independant assesment done (god knows where i am going to find the money hmm) but I want my DD to overcome this like all of you have described yourselves or your DC doing, if i don't get it right it could have implications for the rest of her life sad

Badvoc Fri 09-Nov-12 12:29:50

There a lot you can do to help your dd, don't despair!
Please check out the tinsley house support thread part 2.
Good luck x

Jins Fri 09-Nov-12 12:31:22

See, I wouldn't recommend that just yet. School has carried out and assessment and involved the Senco for an IEP.

Do you have an optician nearby that specialises in dyslexia? The reason I ask is that DS1 had an assessment fairly early on and they discovered that coloured overlays/glasses were useful. It's a small thing but makes a big difference and costs aren't huge even if it has to be a private assessment

Save the cash on the formal diagnosis until you need that piece of paper for something

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