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To stop reminding my dh about things when he interprets it as moaning

(23 Posts)
notnagging Wed 07-Nov-12 18:15:21

Fed up really. I am the only female in my house. I have to organise everything as dh forgets or remind him to do things. This always turns in to 'your moaning'. I find this really disrespectful. I have tried talking to him about it but he says dont moan then. I feel like I can't say anything.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 07-Nov-12 18:16:37

Or, he forgets because he knows you will remind him... DH knows that saying that I am 'nagging' or anything of that kidney is an absolute no no.

CMOTDibbler Wed 07-Nov-12 18:17:47

Don't remind him then. Put stuff on a calendar or whatever (even better if you can sync diaries on your phones - I believe you can do this with iphones and a cloud app), and leave it at that.

FutureNannyOgg Wed 07-Nov-12 18:18:48

Make him a list, show him the list, leave him to it. Make sure the list includes things that will inconvenience him if they aren't done.

Whoknowswhocares Wed 07-Nov-12 18:22:29

I know exactly what you mean! Drives me mad. I've often said to him that if he was that unorganised at work, then he would get the sack!
Let him forget stuff. It's his problem not yours.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Wed 07-Nov-12 18:22:41

Sync your calendars, make sure entries are there and that they have a reminder for anything that concerns you both/kids. Anything that's his responsibility should be put in there by him. Then leave it up to him.

notnagging Wed 07-Nov-12 18:27:38

I reminded him to get ds from school which resulted in 'im moaning' He fgt he also had to get eldest ds & his friend from school because I didn't remind him! I can't win. I can't do this by myself.

notnagging Wed 07-Nov-12 18:29:42

Squishy I've done this. He forgets if he hasn't set a reminder. It's exhausting.

AdoraBell Wed 07-Nov-12 18:35:00

The reason he doesn't remember is because he doesn't need To. Make him need To. Tell him once and then leave him To it. Sorry about capital T's, my phone seems To be having a strop.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Wed 07-Nov-12 18:41:47

That would have me ranting. Sod the moaning, it would be a full scale rant. He forgot his eldest son because you didn't remind him?! wtaf?

AThingInYourLife Wed 07-Nov-12 18:44:38

Tell him to fuck off when he gives out about you "moaning".

Really, he's being a twat.

notnagging Wed 07-Nov-12 19:04:21

He says he understands my frustration with his forgetfulness but I 'moan unnecessarily'. I think he sees me as his mother.

Pilgit Wed 07-Nov-12 19:06:56

You could try explaining the issue with picking up the children and that his reaction is unreasonable as if you don't remind him, the children get forgotten, if you do he strops at you. Then ask him how he thinks you, as a couple should resolve this issue. He might have a solution (although if his solution is you doing it all tell him to eff off). Try to address the problem in a non confrontational manner (this is hard, believe me I know) but that might enable him to see your point of view.
YANBU at all. He is being a bit of a twat and needs to be able to see that without turning it into a bigger argument (or you'll just retreat to your trenches and fight even more - yes,have lots of experience of that!) good luck

reikizen Wed 07-Nov-12 19:10:45

I have this problem too. It is not as simple as leaving him to it as it usually involves the children and they are not to be used as pawns in a silly game. My DH is also very unreliable and this has an impact on my work to an annoying degree, he doesn't see it as a problem though as I don't think he feels the consequences of his actions and his usual response is 'It's not the end of the world'. Obviously it isn't, but I would still like to be able to rely on you to pick the kids up/turn up on time so I can go to work etc etc. It is also not practical to tell your partner to 'fuck off' on a regular basis if you want to remain married wink

Rugbycomet Wed 07-Nov-12 19:17:15

It wouldn't be reminding if they did it the first time!!!! That's what I tell mine!!!

overtheseatocalais Wed 07-Nov-12 19:17:43

This sounds awful, I know blush but I sometimes make DH sign to show that he has knowledge of events happening and that he is picking up the children or whatever... he is very absent minded and a bit in his own world, so I find that works. He says if he reads soemthing it locks it in. The signature just reinforces that! That makes me sound very controlling, but as an occasional tool it may work for you too!

notnagging Wed 07-Nov-12 19:18:19

Not getting the car from the garage so he could get the kids on time then having to leave the baby with a neighbour and borrow her car to get them deserves a moan! But as soon as I open my mouth he strops off.sad

LindyHemming Wed 07-Nov-12 19:30:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubby64 Wed 07-Nov-12 19:33:43

I get this from my DH, "You are always moaning/nagging me to do things" Yes!! I am! if I didnt, things dont get done, children dont get picked up, animals dont get fed, etc. I work 25hrs plus a week, as well as trying to organise the home/shopping/kids and everything else, and I say I just cant do it all. Thing is, if he forgets to do something, the first thing he says is "but you didnt remind me!" It gets sooooooo frustrating.

diddl Wed 07-Nov-12 19:36:47

How often does he forget things when it´s solely about him/his work?

If it doesn´t involve the children very often, I´d leave him to it!

Nagoo Wed 07-Nov-12 19:52:45

I am grin @ making him sign! smile

AFAIK the synced calendars can be set to beep reminders? So I put events in and it beeps on both our phones.

notnagging Wed 07-Nov-12 20:20:51

I shall try not reminding him but it has consequences for all of us. He is like thus about work as well btw. Sets reminders for himself then still forgets to do it. This is another reason I work, just in case!

Whoknowswhocares Wed 07-Nov-12 21:08:04

Well if he can't even be arsed to remember to pick up the correct number of kids from school then he really has got a problem hasn't he!
He has a choice....moaning(if it is essential he remembers cos it affects the kids etc) or remembering (unless its stuff which only affects him, in which case leave it). Tell him straight. He can choose which he wants, but being totally crap and not getting called on it is not one of the options!

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