Aibu to not go back to swimming class ??

[Slinkysista]

My son started a 12 week swimming class in September, I actively dread thus class every week even though it's only 30 minutes every week there is some sort of unpleasantness. Yesterday was the final straw one child kept hitting my son around the head with his fleece, I know I know I sound mad but my son is very gentle and quiet and never hits back, to be honest I really wish he would so he isn't such a target. I eventually intervened and told the child to stop it, he looked straight at me and continued hitting my son. His mother was about three feet away but engrossed in a conversation with two other mothers and totally obvious. I don't know if I'm so annoyed about this because I didn't ask the mother to take charge of her child or because my son refuses to defend himself or because I just hate going because I know there's going to be something. It's at a private club and I just don't fit in , maybe that's why I don't want to go back! I can't figure it
Out. Anyway if it was you would you continue to go? My son is totally unfazed

[TeeBee]

'My son is totally unfazed'. I think that answers your question. Can you go and sit somewhere else whilst he has his lesson?

[WorraLiberty]

It's not about you fitting in, surely it's about your DS learning to swim?

If he's totally unfazed and enjoying his lessons, then I'd keep taking him.

Oh and I would have grabbed the fleece off the child, handed it to his mother and said, "I believe this is your sons as he's just been hitting my child with it".

[EllenParsons]

If your ds is not bothered by these problems and doesn't seem to be upset I would continue, because I think it's so important to be a confident swimmer. This time if something happens tell yourself you will tackle it with the parent? I know it can be hard though if you normally wouldn't, but it is only 30 min!

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

Sounds to me like you are out of your comfort zone and are looking for excuses to not go.

How old is your son?

[redskyatnight]

So it's not something in the class that's bothering you (or DS), but things happening outside (presumably boy with fleece was not in the swimming class?). doesn't sound like not going back is the answer.

[Mrsjay]

go and let your son enjoy his class what age are they you could always tell the boy off say oh becareful your jacket is in the way or 'something' , take a book and sit in the corner waiting for him to finish, it isn't easy if you feel uncomfy but he doesnt seem bothered so just go, if your son was bothered he would say something to you

[diddl]

Your son could just shout "stop hitting me/stop it"

What did you do when the boy carried on?

Where abouts was this-why couldn´t you walk away?

If your son is enjoying the lessons, you should let him carry on.

It sounds as if you both need more confidence.

[JaxTellerIsMyFriend]

Love, with all the kindness in the world, you need to toughen up!

Your DS isnt bothered so you need to get on with it. Go sit elsewhere if you dont want to sit the the other mums, get your child dressed/undressed is all you need to do. And maybe learn a few MN phrases/actions for the little horror and his mother.

[saintlyjimjams]

MAybe your son didn't stand up for himself because he wasn't bothered by being hit in the face with a fleece? If he wasn't upset I'm struggling to see the problem really.

[Slinkysista]

My son is four, you are all probably right, it sounds a bit pathetic written down. I just dread it and when the instructor told me yesterday that we have five more weeks, my heart just sank!

[saintlyjimjams]

FWIW I gave up on swimming lessons when ds2 and ds3 were pre-schoolers as ds2 hated them so much and ds3 kept missing lessons through burst ear drums. They are finally enjoying lessons now (years later and after some real issues with them not being able to swim). But I'd see it through to the end of the term at least.

[Slinkysista]

Yes perhaps it is a confidence issue, also it wasn't just this one incident but perhaps this was my tipping point, I just don't know why it annoyed me so much. I'll go back next week. Thanks I just wish I was the type of person who knew what to do in every situation. I just couldn't wait to get out yesterday.

[ClippedPhoenix]

This is more about you than him really isn't it?

Do you have to fit in?

When I used to take my son to swimming classes, I took a book, sat upstairs in the spectators area and read it until the lesson was over, Obviously peering over now and again to encourage him along.

I didn't get involved with other parents and only spoke if spoken to.

[TeeBee]

Everyone hates sitting around waiting for swimming lessons to finish - its par for the course. But, you know, if you lived where I lived and heard the amount of young children that die in the sea, you'd get on with it. How about trying to befriend the other mums - might make the 30 minutes more bearable. Or take a book.

[Slinkysista]

Yes I do bring a book and try to read, I have DS2 with me, he is six months and the brother of another child in the swimming class comes over every week and chats to me about the baby. I thought this was quite jolly of him at the start but I'm ashamed to admit it's started to annoy me a bit, I get to chat to the five year old what his mum and the others chat amongst themselves. It really isn't that I want to sit with them believe me I don't, I just want to be left alone and have a quiet half hour. Goodness that sounds terrible! He's a lovely kid, really

[Slinkysista]

I've just re read that and I sound really mean. I'm not really, don't know what's wrong with me.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Go for the five remaining weeks and look for another club in the meantime. Learning to swim is important but you shouldn't be dreading going :)

[ClippedPhoenix]

Oh dear OP. Just say hello and chat for a minute then turn back to your book and ignore him in the nicest possible way of course

Just think, it won't be forever and your son will be able to swim, which is an excellent skill.

[TeeBee]

Then you need to take your mobile phone with you and each time he talks to you say 'sorry, I'm on the phone'. He'll soon leave you alone

[ClippedPhoenix]

Or do what Tee says, in fact do them both

[JaxTellerIsMyFriend]

keep going to swimming lessons. Do what tee said with your phone.

I do understand how you feel but keep going. Not all the kids will move up the swimming classes at the same level so you wont always be with this same group of mums/kids.

[Slinkysista]

Thanks for your advice ladies/gents, it's good to have people to chat to :-))

[Goldenbear]

I do understand where you're coming from and why you wouldn't want your son to be hit in the face with a fleece but as others have said it is a really important skill that can be a life saver so personally I would stick with it.

I am not particularly enamoured by the crowd of parents that attend my DS's swimming lessons. I drive 20 minutes to a nearby small town as there were no places left in the city I live in. It is a public pool but in a wealthy area. There are quite a few 'loud' parents helping older siblings with homework. I am the only one chasing a 19 month old toddler around, whom most of them seem to look dismissively at. One week I was sat with DD and a very loud 'Mummy' stared at me, whispered something to her son who was about 9, they both laughed at me and sat nearby. The same woman barges past me in the changing room frequently with 'wills' her son who is in the class with my DS. She is unbearable, delays the whole lesson with her weekly chats with the instructor that last about 5 minutes, I think to tell her what herself and 'wills' have been practicing. Anyway, I can't stand the lessons but I enjoy watching my Son improve and gain confidence so I'll have to 'suck it up' i suppose.

[Slinkysista]

Goodness Goldenbear that sounds terrible, is it wrong that'll give me some comfort to think of you when at my sons swimming lessons! I'm surrounded by several 'loud' entitled types. I despise it but I suppose only five weeks to go! Counting the days until its over.

[fluffyraggies]

You've had good advice OP. Chin up.

I was just wondering what the other unpleasantness' have been? Do any more of them involve your son being bullied or picked on allot of the time?

You do sound shy and insecure in your posts (so was i when my DCs were small :)) and therefore the responses here have naturally focused on that. I just wanted to be sure we're giving you the right advice :)