to give up on my sister?

[ruledbyheart]

I may be being petty but I'm so fed up with it.

Its DDs birthday and not a card from my sister she forgot both my DSs birthdays too, hadn't heard nothing from her till just now which was a text message saying she couldn't afford to send a card, a card is about 29p plus a stamp.

She came to me desperate for 20 quid last month which I lent and we arranged for her to pay back on last day of the month which she didn't, even though I had told her I needed it for DDs birthday, found out afterwards she needed ciggies so weren't for anything important.

I attended her DSs birthday party last month and bought him a gift and card and I feel like its all very one sided.

She works and lives with her MIL and is only skint because her DP is a pothead which funnily enough they have money for.

She has been into my town 4 times this year and not once bothered to call in and see her niece and nephews although on one occasion begged me to drive her home as she had been let down (she had her son with her so I couldn't say no) and she couldn't even be bothered to come to me and say hi first I had to collect her, she was up the next street.

AIBU to think sod it if your not going to ever make the effort then I give up?

[SecretCermonials]

She sounds an utter delight. YANBU

[BarredfromhavingStella]

Sounds just like my twat of a brother who I have not spoken to for 2 years-YANBU.

[Justforlaughs]

I think she's to be pitied if she works and her partner takes her money for pot. She may need more support from her sister. I don't really see a birthday card as the most important thing when she is in that situation. She may really want to make more of an effort but doesn't feel like you are interested in her problems. I don't know her or you, obviously, just saying that that's what I see in your post.

[cozietoesie]

Some family relationships are just one-sided like that and if I were you I wouldn't bother with her. In fact if your DCs see her around a lot, it becomes difficult to explain why Auntie ruledbyheart'ssister hasn't sent them a card - because in their birthday excitement most kids expect an acknowledgment from all their family adults and just don't understand why they haven't got one from a particular person.

I'd keep on sending to her DCs though. Doesn't sound as if they are likely to have much of a fun family life - and you are their auntie so it's good to keep that channel open.

[ruledbyheart]

I try and help her out if I can and have gone down to help her with my nephew and regularly phone to see how she is.

She works but unfortunatly she is a difficult person to get on with and has lost a couple of jobs as she will argue to the management even if she is wrong she is like my mum and will argue black is blue to win an arguement she has already told me she is on her final warning at this job and has only been there 3mths, so its difficult to pity her.

Her reasoning behind her not paying me back is because she is skint and I'm not, I am not financially doing well as on my wage I pay for 3 children, rent, bills etc I just don't shout about it, syhe on the other hand only has her phone, one ds and her dps weed as her mil pays for everything else.
Her response to me asking for it after the agreed date instead of really apologizing was "nah sorry bbe aint got it" grr

[cozietoesie]

Sorry - cross post. Make that 'sending to her DS' etc.

[julieann42]

When people like that ask me for money, I tell them I can take them to the shop and buy their food or pay their prescription charge with my debit card but I don't give them cash as we all know they will really spend it on,fags,booze drugs etc nd then be back asking for more. This does seem to put people off and they don't come knocking on the door again!