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to refuse to feed a 4 year old

(23 Posts)
Justforlaughs Tue 06-Nov-12 14:59:01

who comes round after school. Her parents ask if they can bring her round and they don't really stay long (normally because I am rushing off t clubs/ work) but everytime the 4 year old wants a biscuit/ apple/ orange/ bag of crisps etc. I say no purely on the grounds that if I give it to her my own 4 yo will want one and I feed my kids early because of the other commitments. I feel really mean, although I have explained and asked them to give her a snack on the way to my house. AIBU

squeakytoy Tue 06-Nov-12 15:02:58

why not just stop her from coming, it sounds like you dont really need her under your feet anyway

Sugarice Tue 06-Nov-12 15:03:45

Why is she coming to your house?

Justforlaughs Tue 06-Nov-12 15:08:52

She was a good friend to my DD2 when she was in pre-school, my DD is still there but this little girl has moved up now. It's nice for them to stay in touch and i'm more than happy for them to come round I just have a problem with feedng her when she's here. As I said, they won't stay long - probably about 3/4 hour - 1 hour and then I'll be feeding my kids at 4.30 before we dash off. I really don't want to say no them coming round as I really like them.

Floralnomad Tue 06-Nov-12 15:12:55

Personally I don't see why you can't give her an apple etc and if your child asks for something just say no you are having your tea in a minute . Do you always give your children whatever they ask for just because someone else has it ?

pigletmania Tue 06-Nov-12 15:30:08

Just give her a heathy snack, fruit, crackers etc but say to your dc their having tea soon. Don't have her round so often, say no to the parents your busy

AndiMac Tue 06-Nov-12 15:32:30

If her parents have seen you say no several times and haven't started providing a snack for her when she's over, I'm guessing they don't have a problem with you saying no to a snack for her.

Shinyshoes1 Tue 06-Nov-12 15:40:35

YABU , she's 4 and probably hungry after school. I know my 4 year old is.

Is it really too much trouble to give her an apple?

Tell your kids they'll be having their tea shortly and give her a little snack, for how much a bag of value apples are?

I'd feel mean

TravelinColour Tue 06-Nov-12 15:43:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quirrelquarrel Tue 06-Nov-12 15:45:52

I think what other people have said is best, just tell your DC "no" without quibble, and give the hungry kid a fruit....what's the problem? Plus you can give your DC cucumber, which is just water and doesn't fill them up.

pictish Tue 06-Nov-12 15:45:57

I think kids need a snack after school too, although I reckon her own parents should be providing it.

StuntGirl Tue 06-Nov-12 15:47:15

It's her parents job to feed her if she's hungry! She won't starve or anything if you say no, don't worry.

WitchesTit Tue 06-Nov-12 15:48:30

" Do you always give your children whatever they ask for just because someone else has it ?" - Floralnomad.

But then is it okay to always give someone else's child whatever they ask for just because they want it?

YANBU at all OP, sounds like this little girl has just got into the habit of eating at your house.

Floralnomad Tue 06-Nov-12 15:56:53

I said that because the OP says that that is the reason she says no , personally if a friends child asked for food I would check that the parent didn't mind and then give it some fruit . It's not for me to decide whether someone else's child eats or not ,if the parent is present.

valiumredhead Tue 06-Nov-12 16:20:34

Why can't you give her an apple and tell your child that they are having their tea soon so can't have one?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 06-Nov-12 16:34:46

Are her parents there when she is at yours? If not, then perhaps they don't realise she is so hungry.

plutocrap Tue 06-Nov-12 17:49:28

Maybe the parents could feed her before she arrives.

BooyhooRemembering Tue 06-Nov-12 18:02:02

i think it depends whether she comes over everyday or if it's once a week or once a fortnight.

Tryharder Tue 06-Nov-12 18:17:14

YABU. It's an apple.

SpiralDancer Tue 06-Nov-12 19:40:17

Why not just cut up a portion of fruit or raw veg (no to crisps and junk) that both children can share? I often have lots of extra children in my house and if anyone wishes for a snack then they can help themselves to the fruit bowl.

NotALondoner Tue 06-Nov-12 19:44:38

not your job to feed other people's kids unless you have invited them for a meal.

Inertia Tue 06-Nov-12 19:47:22

Frankly I wouldn't have after school visitors at all on days when we had clubs etc to get to. Can you not just arrange a weekly playdate on a more convenient day ?

clomum Tue 06-Nov-12 20:09:28

In that situation, it's up to her mum to provide a snack. She could give her one when she's leaving school so that yours don't see it. Or have something left in her lunchbox to keep for later.

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