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I don't want to be childish but I am hurt

(29 Posts)
WinkyWinkola Tue 06-Nov-12 13:50:58

A good friend of two years or so has just moved. She had a house warming and a bonfire party. She told me all about them - friends with kids were there, how much fun etc.

Now I could be hormonal and over sensitive (ds3 9 weeks old), but I did feel really hurt that we weren't invited. Perhaps she just wants to keep her friends separate groups and I shouldn't be so touchy.

Dh thinks that perhaps she's not quite as good a friend as I thought a d I should invest less time and energy. And he's annoyed about the bottle of champagne we gave them for house warming gift.

AIBU and childish to feel hurt?

mirry2 Tue 06-Nov-12 13:53:59

It seems a bit insensitive to tell you about it. Maybe she thought that you wouldn't want to come as you had a newborn?
I would be hurt as well.

dreamingofsun Tue 06-Nov-12 13:54:54

she sounds a bit dim to me. maybe there is a reason for it, eg keeping groups separate, too many people......but you would have thought she'd have the brain/sensitivity to include this in conversation or keep her mouth shut.

you haven't just overlooked the invite, eg one thats been emailed?

if it was me i think i'd just cool things slightly and see what effort she makes. But then i'm no relationship guru

Coops79 Tue 06-Nov-12 13:56:35

I'd be upset too; it probably was just that she assumed you'd be going nowhere with a newborn though.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 06-Nov-12 13:57:31

Well I'd feel the same to be honest.

Why would she tell you and not have invited you?

I'd tend to see her in a different light now and back off a bit.

WinkyWinkola Tue 06-Nov-12 13:58:54

She knows I go out with my babies at this age as they're so portable.
Heigh ho never mind. Just back off a bit and not take it so seriously.

BlameItOnTheBogey Tue 06-Nov-12 14:00:31

I'd be really upset but I'd also think she was totally odd and lacking in social sense - why did she feel it was ok to tell you about it when you weren't invited?

redexpat Tue 06-Nov-12 14:01:31

I'd be upset. I'd give her another chance, if she does anything like it again then I'd do what your DH says.

MrsCantSayAnything Tue 06-Nov-12 14:04:09

This is why I find people in general SO difficult OP.

I can't get my head around people like this!

I was with two friends the other day who thought nothing of finalising their bonfire arrangements to which I was not invited.

Maybe I'm weird but it seems to me, that if you want to be with SOME people and not everyone...keep it to yourself!

YANBU!

wineandroses Tue 06-Nov-12 14:06:56

You could have asked her why she didn't invite you; I would have. She may have given you an good reason, or perhaps realised that telling you about it was insensitive. You could ask her next time you see her.

DontHaveAtv Tue 06-Nov-12 14:10:02

I can see why you feel a bit hurt. I would have asked her why she didn't invite me.
I get like that, but then when I do get invited I dont wanna go.

Sugarice Tue 06-Nov-12 14:12:35

Well I'd be really pissed off that I hadn't had an invite and I'd have to ask why not.

It was rude especially if you consider her to have been a good friend.

lljkk Tue 06-Nov-12 14:21:45

You have been snubbed. YANBU.

WinkyWinkola Tue 06-Nov-12 14:25:53

But if I ask then it will be awkward. It looks like we are not as good friends as I thought and it's not worth generating awkwardness over it. I am sad about it though.

clomum Tue 06-Nov-12 14:29:41

Do you normally socialise with her for parties and things?

Or is it more meeting after school type thing?

You see there are people I know via the dc and see for coffee and things but I don't really know their dh and so wouldn't necessarily invite the whole family round for a party if I'd not known them that long.

It might be that she's inviting people she's known for much longer than the two years she's known you.

I still think it's a bit thoughtless to mention it to you though.

StanleyLambchop Tue 06-Nov-12 14:31:36

I would be upset in these circumstances too. I had to laugh at your DH's comment about the champagne though, that is exactly the sort of thing my DH would say! So, YANBU, and are you actually me????

kerala Tue 06-Nov-12 14:32:33

What a rude weirdo (her not you). You dont discuss an event you are hosting with someone who is not invited confused. I had this with a woman in our NCT group who would tell me in great detail about the lovely time she had with another woman in the group to which I was not asked (was sitting at home on my own at the time with new baby crying). Fair enough to not invite someone but not to bang on about said event.

Bin her.

WinkyWinkola Tue 06-Nov-12 14:33:02

No we've been out for dinner with dhs and other mums fro school that we both like and consider friends.
It's weird. I actually think in a clumsy way she's letting me know she doesn't regard us as good friends as I thought. It's fine except weird and hurtful.

kerala Tue 06-Nov-12 14:33:06

Oooh and with your DH about the champagne.

Justforlaughs Tue 06-Nov-12 14:33:26

YANBU, I would feel the same. I probably wouldn't have asked why I wasn't invited but I would have said something like "We were very quiet as we didn't have anyone to celebrate with"

clomum Tue 06-Nov-12 14:38:41

In which case it does sound a bit thoughtless of her.

highlandcoo Tue 06-Nov-12 15:05:05

She is really socially inept isn't she?

We all have friends who are closer than others, but it's basic good manners not to discuss shared activities in front of others who aren't included.

This happened today after a volunteer meeting between four of us. One of the women said to J and me, as we were leaving: "so let's get together for that theatre trip we mentioned ages ago" No attempt to include the fourth (new) member of the group. If she wasn't going to invite her she should have waited to discuss it on a separate occasion.

So YANBU to be hurt. She is not such a nice person as you thought IMO.

Mousefunk Tue 06-Nov-12 15:14:33

Its like a 5 year old going 'I had a great party, everyone came and you didn't nananana' its really rude imo.. i'd also be upset (I think most people would). YANBU.

WinkyWinkola Tue 06-Nov-12 15:21:03

She is lovely though and very considerate most of the time. We have a real laugh and our dss (aged 3 - we both have other older children) are great pals, go to nursery together and have a play date at least once a week. She's so down to earth. It's just out of character. Never mind.

At least I'm not being childish and over sensitive! I was trying to brush it off as nothing but couldn't.

Themumsnot Tue 06-Nov-12 15:21:17

Really rude and YANBU at all to feel hurt. I'm totally with your DH on this one you need to pull back from her - I'd be annoyed about the champagne too.

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