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to be a bit annoyed and hurt with DH?

(51 Posts)
KittyLilith Tue 06-Nov-12 13:46:04

DH and I are both students. This morning we both had presentations to give. He's fine with public speaking and was happy and confident about his. I'm not and have been stressed and nervous for a week about it. He knows this.

This morning I left before him and texted saying good luck which he replied with a thank you. This afternoon I texted again to ask how it went and again got a reply, quick chat etc. Not once has he mentioned my presentation or asked about how it went or anything.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt and annoyed that he couldn't spare me a thought and a quick message? I know it's only a little petty thing, but I'm still a bit upset.

mmmerangue Tue 06-Nov-12 13:47:39

YANBU but thats men for you

GhostShip Tue 06-Nov-12 13:48:56

I'm assuming he's busy? I'm not making excuses for him but sometimes when you're preoccupied your mind doesn't think about what it should be saying

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Tue 06-Nov-12 13:49:07

I'm not sure if YABU or not, TBH. My DH is the same - I think he sometimes forgets he's not the only one who's studying for a degree.

How did it go?

KittyLilith Tue 06-Nov-12 14:00:31

He's not busy. He told me as much in his messages. He does tend towards thoughtlessness (if that's a word) and I know if I point it out he'll be apologetic and ask. I sort of want him to ask because he wants to know though not just to placate me.

It went quite well thank you sunny better than I expected anyway. I do know my stuff but it doesn't stop me hating public speaking or shaking like a leaf when I'm done.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 06-Nov-12 14:02:53

He's an arse OP.

And you know what they say "Once and arse --------

KittyLilith Tue 06-Nov-12 14:25:35

Very blunt ClippedPhoenix but I have to agree he has been acting like an arse lately.

mmmerangue Tue 06-Nov-12 14:39:29

When he gets home just say to him that you were disappointed & hurt that after you asked how his (breezy no problem) pres went, he didn't bother to ask how your (sweaty handed shakey leaf-y) pres went.

TBH my DP hates texting, phoning, etc. So I just leave those kind of conversations till he gets home.

StanleyLambchop Tue 06-Nov-12 14:45:11

Well done to you for doing something you find difficult! Your DH sounds really selfish actually. YANBU to be hurt.

KittyLilith Tue 06-Nov-12 15:09:43

mmmerangue Well I got home and brought it up and as I expected I got apologies and the excuse he thought it was tomorrow. I'm home tomorrow and he knows it.
Stanley thank you.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 06-Nov-12 15:14:29

Nothing like a bit of gaslighting to get you out of a situation is there. My blunt comment stands even more now sad

Numberlock Tue 06-Nov-12 15:18:07

I don't buy it as an excuse when people say they hate texting, phoning etc.

Her husband should have known it was important to her and made the effort.

To say he thought it was tomorrow is unbelievable.

mmmerangue Tue 06-Nov-12 15:21:09

You were talking about it this morning? But he thought it was tomorrow? ehem WHAT.

Numberlock Tue 06-Nov-12 15:22:43

He does tend towards thoughtlessness

Can you give us some examples, OP?

KittyLilith Tue 06-Nov-12 15:39:09

I know he's lying about thinking it was tomorrow. If I say that though it'll turn into an argument and it seems like such a waste of energy over something so stupid. The thoughtlessness is just more of the same. No "good luck" for tests or exams. Not even a "how was your day" most of the time.

He is being bloody selfish. He will tell me endlessly about his day but give me the vaguest of interest about my day.

He wasn't always like this sad. Wouldn't have married him if he was.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 06-Nov-12 15:41:40

Of course you wouldn't have OP.

Thing is, this is what he's like now and will probably continue to be.

BonaDea Tue 06-Nov-12 15:43:31


He's a man, though, what can you expect?

I called DH this morning when I came out of my MW appointment and had the following conversation:

me: "hi, just calling to say that all's fine with the wriggler - he's still in there wriggling away".
him: "what? what are you talking about? what's a wriggler?".
me: "Um, our unborn child..."

I had reminded him for the umpteenth time about 2 hours before that I had the appointment. He's just a man. They can't help being stupid.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 06-Nov-12 15:52:09

Most people are very good at remembering things that really matter to them.

Your DH was probably preoccupied BonaDea, I don't mean for a moment to suggest that he doesn't care about your baby but your sentiment, applied so generally, is patronising nonsense.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 06-Nov-12 15:55:17

Why do some people expect so little from their partners angry

scarletforya Tue 06-Nov-12 15:56:20

Oh no you didn't Bonadea ! shock

pictish Tue 06-Nov-12 15:57:25

He's a man, though, what can you expect?

What a load of shit. Men are absolutely no different to women when it comes to showing their spouses respect and consideration. Stop thinking they are - you are selling yourself short, and giving him leeway to do whatever the hell he likes and not give two fucks about how it might affect you.

He's just a man. They can't help being stupid.

Bollocks bollocks utter utter bollocks.

Hassled Tue 06-Nov-12 16:00:21

Being a man is not a fucking cop-out for being thoughtless and unable to say "sorry, I cocked up". It just isn't. There are some very thoughtful men out there - I'm sorry you don't seem to have one at the moment. But no-one should be cut any slack because they have testicles.

BonaDea Tue 06-Nov-12 16:10:07

I have to say I don't agree.

Men and women prioritise very differently. Of course deep down I accept men love, care, worry the same as women do. But I really do think that men have much more of an ability to focus on self and on the task at hand than worrying about sqillions of things and other people at once the way many women do. He was distracted, focused on something at work and hadn't given me, the appointment or our baby-to-be a second thought all morning.

I think suggested there aren't fundamental differences is naive.

pictish Tue 06-Nov-12 16:11:44

No...YOU said

He's a man, though, what can you expect?


He's just a man. They can't help being stupid

I do not think it is I who is naive.

pictish Tue 06-Nov-12 16:14:07

And in fact - to elaborate - I used to kind of go along with the type of thinking you are now. God I was naive back then. And how low my expectations were!

"Men think diferently to women blah blah blah" that was me!

Glad I wised up.

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