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Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

(261 Posts)
plumviolet Tue 06-Nov-12 11:18:54

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

NickNacks Tue 06-Nov-12 11:21:00

I think you are overreacting tbh.

pigletmania Tue 06-Nov-12 11:21:29

That not acceptable at all. Thse teachers were behaving totally unprfessionably

pigletmania Tue 06-Nov-12 11:22:34

I have worked with very challenging adults and would never think of doing anything like that

ReallyTired Tue 06-Nov-12 11:23:21

It sounds like as if your daughter is far too young for such a formal class. Its not fair for her to distrupt the class and ruin it for those who want to learn. If your daughter is misbehaving then the staff should be talking to you.

I would not pass comment on one of the ballet teachers pretending to shoot your child. It could be argued that you should not have been spying on her. Prehaps you could have a talk with one of the teachers and ask her whether your daughter is coping with the class as she is quite immature for her age.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 06-Nov-12 11:23:42

I think you need to calm down and maybe ask yourself why your daughter was the only one not sitting down and didn't do as she was told.

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Tue 06-Nov-12 11:25:01

i wouldn't take the 'shooting' thing too personally, if she had been doing that for an hour, you could understand them having a laugh about it, (only if none of kids could see, esp your dd)

I would have a word about her participation though, just tell them, you peeked through the door and saw she was the only one not sitting, how is she getting on?

Don't pull her out yet though,she may just need time to settle, like you say it's all very new to her.

WorraLiberty Tue 06-Nov-12 11:25:09

Was it a pink gun?

pigletmania Tue 06-Nov-12 11:25:16

She is only 3 a toddler she is supposed to be immature. Mabey she is a bit too you g for such a class and you would be best to wait a couple of years

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Tue 06-Nov-12 11:25:47

I would be quite cross about what I'd seen too, but I would also be questioning whether or not my DD was old enough to go to a class like that if she wouldn't do as the teacher said.

LadyMargolotta Tue 06-Nov-12 11:26:57

I agree, she is too young for a formal class, but she is not immature for her age, she is behaving like a normal just-turned-three year old.

I would take her out of the class and try and find something more imformal, she she can run around and play.

GooseyLoosey Tue 06-Nov-12 11:27:34

If this is your dd's first experience of a social setting outside the home, then of course she does not know the rules. How could she be expected to? She may be a bit behind in learning social rules, but that does not make her a difficult child, so don't worry.

You need to explain to her about needing to listen to the teachers and do exactly as they ask her, just as if she was listening to mummy.

The shooting thing is not great, but you will find that these things happen and if you sweat them all (as I have done in the past), life becomes very hard.

hatsybatsy Tue 06-Nov-12 11:27:41

Unless you daughter was distraught at the idea of being 'shot', then I wouldn't really se the issue? The teachers couldn't get her to cooperate and this was alight hearted joke IMO.

definitely don't pull her out, but DO speak to the teachers to understand hoe it's going and how you can help her join in.

It's by doing little classes like these that they learn how to behave in a classroom situation. Maybe try a group music session as well - where you are with both your dd's?

quoteunquote Tue 06-Nov-12 11:28:22

Not appropriate,

If it her first class, maybe she hasn't quite got a feel for the class yet, have a chat about it, ask her if she noticed the teachers getting frustrated with her,

ask her if they asked her to sit down, ask her what she thought they wanted to her to do, find out her perception of the lesson,

then explain that if she wants them to be able to show her all the interesting
new things she will have to help them by being good, and be the first to do as they ask,

is there another type of dance class? Something a little more lively that she could also do, modern, jazz or funky?

plumviolet Tue 06-Nov-12 11:29:50

But surely it's a good place to learn how to behave appropriately and they should tell me that my daughter is being a bit distructive and maybe not ready for a year or so?

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Tue 06-Nov-12 11:29:54

I think you're overreacting.

I should imagine that if they'd had almost an hour of your DD prancing about, not doing what she's told and not joining in, meaning that they had had to direct their attention to her all the imte instead of the rest of the class then they were probably just venting their frustration in a non-harmful way.

Take her out of the class though as she's obviously too immature for it.

AuntieStella Tue 06-Nov-12 11:29:55

As long as it was definitely done so the other children cannot see then, although unprofessional, it's not something to make an issue of. Depending on how long DD had been refusing to participate, exasperation is a very understandable reaction and if the teachers required a safety valve, better that than eg snapping.

Did she participate in any part of the class? If she isn't ready to join in, it might be worth waiting a bit and trying again later.

Viviennemary Tue 06-Nov-12 11:30:18

I certainly wouldn't take the lighthearted shooting gesture at all seriously. She does sound a little young for the class though if she is finding it hard to concentrate and do what the teacher says.

OhGood Tue 06-Nov-12 11:30:31

I think that's horrible and inappropriate and really odd - what a bizarre thing to do. If it were me I would have said instantly 'Saw you do it, please don't do it again.'

really it's ridiculous to call watching your child through a window 'spying'. Get a grip.

OK, so you are maybe expecting too much from your DD - she won't understand how to follow instruction from other adults if she has had no experience of it. But surely this is something you can work out with the ballet class teachers, practise at home, etc etc. They must expect some messing around if they teach toddlers.

Can you try and work together with them?

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Tue 06-Nov-12 11:30:45

Actually, no I've changed my mind. Keep her in, she obviously needs to learn some lessons about how to behave away from mummy.

moleskin Tue 06-Nov-12 11:31:02

To be honest I find it a bit wrong that parents aren't allowed to stay and watch. What if one of the kids wanted a poo and needed help? They are still so young! Which is what's stopping me taking mine to any where you have to leave them. Thankfully we've found a more relaxed one where there's no subscription you pay on the door and parents are encouraged to stay

MackerelOfFact Tue 06-Nov-12 11:31:39

I think you're overreacting too. If she'd whipped out a replica firearm and told your DD to sit down or she'd blow her head off, then obviously that's completely unacceptable. But there is a HUGE leap between making a gun sign at a child pretending to be a flying creature, and actually meaning your DD any harm.

It's up to you how you feel about leaving your DD with these teachers given the lapse in professionalism you have witnessed, but I don't think it would bother me TBH (and I have a DD about the same age).

Hullygully Tue 06-Nov-12 11:32:13

Sometimes shooting can be a bit harsh. Perhaps they had misplaced the lariat?

LadyMargolotta Tue 06-Nov-12 11:32:38

All of my children have been to creche/nursery/dance classes/swimming lessons etc. I would not be happy if a teacher mimed shooting at my barely three year old.

I don't blame you for being upset and thinking this is inappropiate. I wouldn't wnat my children going to a dnace class where the teacher behaved like that.

SamSmalaidh Tue 06-Nov-12 11:32:43

If it's her first ballet class and first time she's met with formal rules then give her a chance!

I also wouldn't care about the shooting thing if the teacher was obviously joking around.

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