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to be fed up with helping?

(31 Posts)
freddiefrog Tue 06-Nov-12 08:44:49

Our girls are members of our local scout group. DD1 a Scout, DD2 a beaver.

DH is an assistant scout leader, I help every week at beavers. We've helped refurbish our scout hut, DH does the accounts for the scout troop, we help at activity days, we help at camps, we're involved in the back office type stuff with running the troop. We both give a fair amount of time.

On Sunday afternoon I received an email asking us to go and help shift some furniture around. I didn't check my emails on Sunday so didn't read it until Monday morning.

Sent an apology to say sorry, only just got message.

In response, this morning, I got a massive rant about how our group leader has to do everything himself, no one ever helps, he's going to quit, he's fed up, he hopes i enjoyed my 'lazy' sunday, etc, etc, etc

Now, I understand he's annoyed, but I feel we do more than our fair share. No other parents put as much time into helping (most dump and run). I spent weeks helping paint and sand down rusty beams, clean and sort the hall. I've got a million things I'd rather be doing on a Friday night other than sitting in a hall with 30 rampaging kids, so I'm feeling a bit 'well, fuck you' to be honest.

We're all volunteers, I only have so many hours in a day and I genuinely didn't see the email until yesterday.

Purple2012 Tue 06-Nov-12 08:48:33

He is being unreasonable. You do your fair share.

Sugarice Tue 06-Nov-12 08:51:33

He's being an arse!

Reply and point out how much you do, I'd be pissed off at the 'lazy Sunday' comment he sent.

freddiefrog Tue 06-Nov-12 08:52:16

Just to add, I don't expect anyone to kiss my arse. I'm happy to help. I just don't expect that kind of response to the one time I didn't

girlsyearapart Tue 06-Nov-12 08:53:37

Yes yanbu- he should direct his rant at all the other parents who don't help at all.

Did you reply?

My sister is a guide leader, she runs her own business and has 3 dcs. She is overrun with paperwork and guide related things taking up her time. She won't give it up as the group will fold - and she also mainly enjoys it.

I get so fed up of parents picking up their guides at the end of camp not bothering to even get out of the car to say thanks let alone help unload the van.

When she has people like you who help she is extremely grateful no way would she send an e mail like that.

glentheflamingbattleostrich Tue 06-Nov-12 08:54:53

YANBU, he on the otherhand is being an arse.

I'm Chair of a Residents Association and get frustrated at people not pulling their weight so understand he is fed up but you do more than your fair share.

I think I'd be replying pointing out how much you do and suggesting he gets others involved too if it is too much work for him as you actually have a life away from Scouts. I'd also be tempted to send him a breakdown of everything you have done in the last month time wise but then I am a bit petty like that

Tiredmumno1 Tue 06-Nov-12 08:57:43

Another YANBU over here.

Sounds like you do plenty as it is, maybe you could do a gentle reminder of that, and ask letters to be sent out to other parents, to try and get a bit more help.

CarpeJugulum Tue 06-Nov-12 09:01:03

I ran a Brownie unit, and eventually gave up due to lack of support. I would have bitten your arm off for the support you are giving him and YANBU!

However, perhaps (if you are in a generous frame of mind) he doesn't realise how much you actually do for him. I would suggest an email back to him pointing out what you do, and that if it was really urgent, then he no doubt has your telephone number.

Maybe suggest a recruitment drive - we had parents who wanted to help, but couldn't help at meetings due to jobs; but they did other roles in the group, for example an accountant dad did our books, a mum who worked for a supermarket always bought unit foods/supplies using her discount.

Either way, you have my sympathy!

Longdistance Tue 06-Nov-12 09:03:02

Does he not own a telephone? confused

ebwy Tue 06-Nov-12 09:11:19

I'd stop helping, and find adifferent scout group. He should be thanking you for all you do, not bitching because you didn't help due to not knowing

foslady Tue 06-Nov-12 09:29:54

I'd suggest asking him how many others he asked and that he was ranting at the wrong people......if he insists he is correct then tell him to find other volunteers.............there's a difference between been a volunteer and helping the community and being made a mug......(BW , I love our Rainbow/Brownie/Guide groups, help when I can and appreciate all the ladies do.......wish a few others would help out on the rota though)

whois Tue 06-Nov-12 09:53:49


What a way to thank you for all your help!

Don't get narky with him tho, he is obv feeling unappreciated too. Suggest a recruitment drive to get more parents involved.

Tailtwister Tue 06-Nov-12 10:01:33

It sounds as if you're doing a huge amount already. YANBU, he was rude but sounds very stressed.

It's such a shame, but these things always seem to rely heavily on a few people, with the majority not helping at all.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 06-Nov-12 10:08:40

If I got an email like that, I would withdraw all my help immediately and he'd soon see the bloody difference.

Just because he sent you an email requesting help, it doesn't mean you are obligated to drop everything else in your life to be at his beck and call.

I hope you have sent him a proper snotty reply - he can't go through life being an arse and not have that challenged.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 06-Nov-12 10:12:33

Email rather than a phone call suggests he has difficulty communicating with people, which may be why he hasn't been able to recruit other volunteers. Is he a task-focused person, rather than a people person?

If he is normally more pleasant, put it down to stress and suggest working together to identify what tasks aren't covered and to form a plan to recruit more helpers.

It's easy to play the martyr rather than delegate, especially if you're not good at communicating and engaging people.

sausagesandwich34 Tue 06-Nov-12 10:12:35

he sent you an email asking for help the same day?

what does he think, you sit there with your email oen all day waiting for new messages?

what an arse

Badvoc Tue 06-Nov-12 10:17:53

Oh, I hear you!
He is bvu.
I used to be an assistant beaver leader in my old town and tbh was relieved to move and be able to quit.
It was exhausting and the leader was asking me to do more and more jobs sometimes like you at very short notice.
I am currently helping run an Xmas event at my local church and have likewise been left to do everything...the vicar isn't even answering my e mails now...
Won't be volunteering next year that's for sure sad

lottiegarbanzo Tue 06-Nov-12 10:22:44

If he is persistently unpleasant though, I think you have to point out that this is why you can't work with him so much / any more, for the sake of the group. He'll continue to alienate people otherwise. Also, he'll probably bitch about you.

EuroShagmore Tue 06-Nov-12 10:30:19

Reply with a list of all that you do.


zzzzz Tue 06-Nov-12 10:31:07

Reply that you found his mail very rude.
List all you have done.
Await apology.

Notquite Tue 06-Nov-12 10:53:16

You'd be quite entitled to tell him where to stick his woggle, but if you want to continue to help, remind him firmly how much you do, point out that you're not permanently on-call and suggest he (not you) initiates a volunteer recruitment drive. He's probably hacked off at the lack of support, but directing his frustration at the few who do help isn't very bright. He needs to stop being a martyr and organise some more help.

I help with admin for a junior sports club and seem to have become the first point of contact for demanding and sometimes arsey parents (one spoke to my DH on the phone yesterday and referred to our home as the club "office"). I do it to take some of the load off the volunteer coaches, who work their backsides off for our children, but I wouldn't continue if they were giving me a hard time too.

degutastic Tue 06-Nov-12 11:47:22

Aww, I can't imagine our GSL ever being so unappreciative to someone who helps so much sad If he's often like this, I would walk away, to be honest. If it's a one off and he's normally appreciative I would send back a stroppy email stating that you find his attitude offensive given the amount of time you help out. Then wait for him to apologise and move on as if nothing happened smile

freddiefrog Tue 06-Nov-12 14:43:26


He's not normally quite so unappreciative, but has ranted like this before when he thinks people are not pulling their weight. He is very self-righteous and a complete martyr, doesn't like delegating tasks to anyone, but rants about having to do everything.

For example, we were trying to get various grants to renew the scout hut roof - I've got quite a few contacts with this sort of thing so I offered so take over the task, but he didn't want anyone else to do it then ranted like mad about being the only person raising any money

The problem is, hardly anyone does help with this sort of stuff, it is always the same old people while the majority swan in, dump their kids and scarper at the first sign of being asked to help. But he should be ranting at them. Not us. We couldn't actually help this time anyway, we had other stuff on, regardless of whether we got the email or not and he can't expect us to drop everything everytime he clicks his fingers.

I like helping out there, I enjoy it and us helpers and leaders have a good social time together out of scouts. I don't expect thanks every week, I don't expect him to kiss my arse in gratitude, I just don't expect to be ranted at because I can't help with everything

And yes, he has our number, if it was that desperate, he should've phoned. I'm not a mind reader and the batteries in my crystal ball have gone flat.

I've not replied yet, I've not had a chance yet, and I might end up telling him which orifice he can shove his head into

The 'lazy Sunday' comment really stung actually, given the last 3 sundays have been spent helping at scout activities

Sugarice Tue 06-Nov-12 14:47:44

He sounds like a twat to be honest.

You must reply to him , what right has he to make snotty comments regarding how you spend your free time.

zzzzz Tue 06-Nov-12 14:53:31

The last THREE Sundays have been spent helping. shock

For goodness sakes the mans bonkers.

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