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To want to kill the next person who asks me when I am going to have another child?

(79 Posts)
FantabulousFryingPan Mon 05-Nov-12 21:13:15

DS is two. I have been asked so often when I am going to have another one I could scream. Of course, it doesn't help that we've been trying for a year now and AF came today.

Why are people so bliddy rude/nosey/thoughtless/lacking in social skills? As if I'd tell them anyway.

I don't think iabu, though probably giving a death stare rather than actually killing them would be fairer.

Aaa argh!

Waitingforastartofall Mon 05-Nov-12 21:16:49

I wouldn't advise killing them, but I know what you mean. My Ds is five and i am constantly badgered about it but I'm opposite end and don't want any more. People just generally are curious, I tend too just nod and carry on.

Loie159 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:17:41

Sorry to hear that ttc is taking a whille. I think it depends who is asking tbh. If its you DM or best friend then YABU, if its the checkout lady in Sainsburys or someone in the post office queue then YANBU. I know it is difficult to talk about certain things esp if they are upsetting for you, but most people probably aren't meaning to be rude, maybe just making conversation ?

scurryfunge Mon 05-Nov-12 21:19:50

I used to get asked constantly. Now DS is 18 I get asked why I never had another one. Just ignore. It's no one else's business but your own.

yellowsubmarine53 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:20:24

Fair enough that this drives you potty, especially if you've been ttc for a while. People just don't realise that their bit of small talk can be so upsetting.

Rise above it, is my only advice...

FantabulousFryingPan Mon 05-Nov-12 21:21:12

It's mainly colleagues and random people. There are lots of other ways of making conversation when you know someone's as a toddler than asking about 'number 2' though...

EthelredOnAGoodDay Mon 05-Nov-12 21:23:34

Just ignore. Some people are just tactless/nosey/have nothing else to talk about...
Hope it happens for you soon, I was in a similar position a few months ago, but am now 20 weeks. Good luck.

giraffesCantLightFireworks Mon 05-Nov-12 21:23:57

I get asked this loads at toddler groups! If I am feeling especially blunt I say the truth - my dd was still born and have had mcs and don't know if can carry a baby sucessfully and am scared to try again.

I always want to say "nah I hate kids!" - while at a toddler group I run with the kids I am paid to look after wink

DaPrincessBride Mon 05-Nov-12 21:25:23

YANBU. I have one DD who is 2 and it's all I hear, not just from my family and friends but also strangers. I say I just want one and I get outrage (how selfish I am, how she needs a little brother or sister etc etc).

It's actually not through choice. DP has had some serious health problems that we have chosen not to share with family, and he has been left infertile. So they don't know how bloody insensitive and hurtful they are being.

EverybodysSpookyEyed Mon 05-Nov-12 21:26:25

'it's not through want of trying'

that always shuts people up!

LittleBallOfFur Mon 05-Nov-12 21:26:31

I know what you mean - my DS has just turned 2 and we're always getting "are you planning on having any more?" (Or from MIL, "when are you going to get on with it?"!)

We DO want another baby but we're waiting to try because of sodding money, and it will happen for us when it's right for us! (I hope!)

Hope you get the result you're hoping for soon Fantabulous. It took us 14 months to conceive DS which makes me nervous, but at the same time we're not quite ready for number 2 (as broody as I am!).

LittleBallOfFur Mon 05-Nov-12 21:27:31

A lot of hope in my post grin

greencolorpack Mon 05-Nov-12 21:27:59

I never ask people questions like that because of threads like this. Also because I am generally quite tactful and it's none of my business.

KatyPeril Mon 05-Nov-12 21:29:32

YANBU! I hate this! I don't fucking want anymore alright??!!! And no, I won't change my mind when she's older. FUCK OFF! <and calm>

EuroShagmore Mon 05-Nov-12 21:32:55

You could try saying to them: "are you using contraception? how often are you having sex? Oh I'm sorry, are those questions intrusive? Because that's basically what you just asked me....."

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Mon 05-Nov-12 21:33:31


I burst into tears when a colleague asked me if I was planning another one (it was 1 week after a chemical pregnancy that took its toll emotionally).

She won't be putting her foot in it again, it was embarrassing for everyone.

McHappyPants2012 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:33:51

I get asked this question with 2 DC people soon shut up when I say my husband will not be pleased as he has had the snip.

There are loads of ways to have a conversation, I don't think there is a need to ask such an intimate question.

Also men never get asked this question

EverybodysSpookyEyed Mon 05-Nov-12 21:37:38

my dh often gets asked when we're having a third

if i get asked i just say 'when dh can give birth to it'

It is easier when you don't want another but when you are struggling to conceive it does hurt.

EasilyBored Mon 05-Nov-12 21:38:10

Yep yep yep. I just tell them the truth: 'never. We're done. We wanted one. We had one. That's it.'

I do get a lot of 'oh, you'll change your mind later'. Well, no actually, I don't think I will. And even if I felt the urge, the reasons for only have one would still be there. So no more babies thankyouverymuch.

Jinsei Mon 05-Nov-12 21:38:21

YANBU. I get this a lot. I'd love a second child but I miscarried dd's sibling and we haven't been able to conceive again. I don't think people mean to upset you, they're just incredibly insensitive.

I've had this a bit. But having ttc'd for 8 years before DS arrived, it's water off a duck's back! I just say 'it took so long to get this one, I could be nearly 50 before number 2 comes along!'
I still feel utterly amazed to have DS, so I haven't got a burning urge to have another. It'd be lovely if it happened - obviously.

Just re-read my post. I didn't mean to sound that smug! It is shit when people pry and you feel uncomfortable.

FantabulousFryingPan Mon 05-Nov-12 21:45:13

Thanks all. Also, don't get me started on the 'ooh I got pregnant first month trying!' brigade when they find out how long you've been trying. Like I should give them a medal or something.

I'm in a bad mood, can you tell? wink

Dryjuice25 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:45:24

Never crossed my mind this question could be that intrusive......but can see why but I suppose it depends who is asking ....

FantabulousFryingPan Mon 05-Nov-12 21:47:18

Dryjuice, one time was a consultant, who asked me in front of my boss. Awkward.

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