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To think it's rude to ask a friend how much they earn or how much their house cost?

(83 Posts)
Toffeeapple21 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:34:32

A while ago a good friend asked how much I earn. I was taken back as I was brought up to believe you don't ask such questions. I didn't want to tell her as imagine I earn a lot more than she does and actually felt quite embarrassed. Also, I just don't consider it to be anyone else's business.

Also just moved house and lots of friends have hinted at how much house cost, although no one has asked outright. I know they could always look on Zoopla or Rightmove if they really want to find out.

AIBU to think its rude to ask these questions, or am I being a prude?

DameEnidsOrange Mon 05-Nov-12 20:36:30

YANBU - although a friend of ours is notorious for checking up how much the houses in our village have sold for

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 05-Nov-12 20:36:57

Wages YANBU, house YABU. It's all cultural anyway. Some cultures, it's fine, others not. My theory is that if we spoke about money more, less people would end up in crippling debt.

chandellina Mon 05-Nov-12 20:38:56

House prices are public knowledge so that seems a fair enough question. Salary is much more personal and shouldn't be asked after unless both friends agree it's up for discussion.

headfairy Mon 05-Nov-12 20:39:48

I don't think it's rude really, I think if there was more openness about salaries we wouldn't have so much inequality in pay. I'm always happy to tell people what I earn.

EleanorHandbasket Mon 05-Nov-12 20:42:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goingupinsmoke Mon 05-Nov-12 20:42:48

I think it's a bit rude - I rent and people don't think twice about asking how much I pay, it's like me asking what their mortgage is?

Wages I agree with headfairy I'm still amazed that women can get paid less than men in the same roles, so if we spoke more openly about salary I think firstly we would all be amazed and secondly it may solve problems.

EleanorHandbasket Mon 05-Nov-12 20:43:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MurderOfGoths Mon 05-Nov-12 20:43:33

It depends on the friendship really, I have a couple of friends who I'm happy to talk to about that stuff. Others not so much.

headfairy Mon 05-Nov-12 20:44:07

eleanor none of your business grin

£34k and £380k

lljkk Mon 05-Nov-12 20:45:30

Meh, I don't see the big deal. If they are offended by the answer they shouldn't ask. It is personal, though, I would consider it too private info to share with some people.

Besides, we can all look up recent actual house prices online now, anyway, that's hardly private any more.

emsyj Mon 05-Nov-12 20:45:56

I'm not normally bothered who knows what I earn, but I do have one very smug and nosey friend who has never told me what she earns but likes to hint that it is a huge amount of money and I know when she asked me how much I was getting paid that her sole interest was to prove she was on more (and therefore is better) than me.

I didn't answer her question! grin

In general though I'm not worried who knows what I earn and tend to agree that there would be more fairness in pay levels and more onus on employers to justify their salary structures if people were more open about pay.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug Mon 05-Nov-12 20:46:24

I think it depends on how well you know someone. My best friend I wouldn't have a problem asking her, and i have done. And I wouldn't care about telling her how much I earn (currently £0.) We discussed house prices when we both moved house, we nosed on Right Move at the houses anyway.

I wouldn't ask someone I only chatted to occasionally their financial circumstances though.

Bogeyface Mon 05-Nov-12 20:46:56

YANBU about earnings, that is no ones business but your own.

Regarding the house, I would tell someone if they wanted to know because they were looking to move to a similar area or house, but would tell them to bugger off if they were just being nosey!

ninah Mon 05-Nov-12 20:49:50

emsyi I know just what you mean
The more cagey the higher the salary ime (not that I ask, but have experienced what you are talking about)
agree with headfairy open is the way to go

ThisIsMummyPig Mon 05-Nov-12 20:50:07

I feel about it like I do my weight or age - I would never ask, because some people are a bit touchy, but will happily tell, as it's really not all that important. What I never tell is how much DH and I have in savings (because it's more than the house cost, which seems a bit weird to me)

So £12k, £135k, 11st 11lbs, 33.

TwitchyTail Mon 05-Nov-12 20:52:47

YANBU - rude and intrusive.

Google it or look it up on Zoopla if you're that nosy!

Though I was amazed to find out that for my American friends/relatives, they are considered perfectly standard questions, in the same league as "what do you do", and not felt to be rude. Cultural differences!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 05-Nov-12 20:53:53

I hated the fact that when we moved house, absolutely anyone could look up how much we paid for it. It felt really intrusive. (and I just bet some of our acquaintances did.)

I would never ask anyone how much they earned. My dh's sister once asked dh how much he earned - and then was clearly very pissed off when it was more (much more) than her. She's older than him and has to be best at everything - including parenting.

Bogeyface Mon 05-Nov-12 20:53:59

£20k, £40k

if anyone wants to know!

TidyDancer Mon 05-Nov-12 20:54:32

I don't find it rude, if I don't want to tell I just say so.

But I don't really care.

I earn about £26k, my house cost £320k, DP earns about £45k, PILs gave us about £100k towards the house. Anything else?

grin

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 05-Nov-12 20:54:59

40K, Bogeyface? I want to live near you...

dysfunctionalme Mon 05-Nov-12 20:55:03

It is in some cultures and in others it is perfectly acceptable.

Bogeyface Mon 05-Nov-12 20:59:27

Bought it 13 years ago Mrs, at the absolute arse end of the market, literally weeks before the prices started to shoot up. Not bad for a 3 bed terrace with a big garden though, if I do say so myself!

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 05-Nov-12 21:00:54

Good for you Bogeyface. I am verr jealous.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 05-Nov-12 21:01:43

Ummm I'd say YANBU re salaries. In my friendship circle we're all quite open but I suppose once a couple of us start climbing the career ladder a bit faster that will change.

YABU about house prices though,that can be found out on the interest anyway!

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