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To think this is actually quite a good idea. (a bit long sorry)

(27 Posts)
FrenchRuby Mon 05-Nov-12 20:29:08

Me and dh live in a 2 bed flat with our dd (18 months) and ds (5). It's ok for now but it won't be when dc's get older. I'm sick of our flat to be honest. The roof leaks and the agents are crap, we've had them out 4 times over the roof and each time the roof people say 'The whole roof needs doing but they won't pay us to do all of it' so they just patch it up as best they can. Every single winter it leaks in our room, the kitchen and the living room. Thankfully the kids room is ok because it's covered by a big tree so not much rain gets onto it. Our 90yr old neighbour's roof was so bad that, according to the roof guys, you could see into her living room from on top of the roof!
I'm sick of ringing them about it to be honest, they are useless. They keep saying they'll get it fixed when the weather allows, we got a notice through the other day saying that they'd be round today weather permitting. They never turned up, it was brilliant sunshine all day and it didn't rain last night. We were supposed to have an intercom fitted on all the flats, they started a month ago, they put in all the phones and said they'd be back to change the main front entrance door (it has no lock at all, you can just walk in) and give us all new keys, that was 3 weeks ago, we've not seen them since. Last winter they left us for a week with no boiler, no heating, no hot water in the middle of January when it was snowing outside and absolutely freezing.
At this point me and dh are just fed up with living here. We don't want to be here but we don't want to move into another rented house because we just feel like it's wasting money when we've been trying desperately to save to buy a house.

MIL has a 4 bedroom house where her, dh's brother and his wife and dh's other brother live. BIL and his wife are moving out in the new year and other BIL is off to uni. MIL has said to us that if we wanted we could move in and use that time to save up for a deposit on a house. I think this is so generous of her, I mean if I were her I'd be looking forward to having the house to myself haha!

Me and dh worked out that it would take us around 3ish years to save up a decent deposit. Also mil's is 10 mins from the uni I'm applying to (fingers crossed I get in!) and if we moved there the kids would have their own rooms whereas now they have to share a room.
It's all sounding really tempting. Dh is keen too. I just want an outside perspective on this really.

nkf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:30:40

It could be great. Is there something holding you back?

girlsyearapart Mon 05-Nov-12 20:31:32

How insane does she drive you? From the way I read it you will be living with her as well?

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Mon 05-Nov-12 20:32:06

It's a great idea if you feel you could live with your mil for that amount of time.

AllDirections Mon 05-Nov-12 20:32:38

What are you needing to think about?

Get packing grin

FrenchRuby Mon 05-Nov-12 20:32:56

Yeah we'd be living with her. I actually get on really well with her, she's a really lovely woman and dc's adore her. Me and dh lived with her for about a year before we got married and had kids, we all got on great.

FrenchRuby Mon 05-Nov-12 20:34:49

Nothing holding me back, I just wanted to make sure I'm not seeing it all through rose tinted glasses haha!

pinkoyster Mon 05-Nov-12 20:35:13

Well in theory it sounds win-win, but I guess it depends on your relationship with MIL, and her relationship with your DH and DC.If you feel you currently get on well, and this won't be affected, then do it. But consider it carefully. If you have to move out due to the relationship turning sour, then it would be a much bigger hassle than moving somewhere now. Also the relationship between yourselves could be damaged irreparably..

I like my MIL, but could never live with her..

pinkoyster Mon 05-Nov-12 20:36:11

Sorry, took me ages to type that! If you get on well with her, then great! Do it!

cheddarcheeselover Mon 05-Nov-12 20:37:18

We're in a similar situation and would jump at a chance like that, go for it.

CanonFodder Mon 05-Nov-12 20:39:16

Well if you've lived with her before and you made it work then, I'd say go for it, and lucky you!

titchy Mon 05-Nov-12 20:41:00

What about you bil? He'll want to come back during holidays won't he? Or he may drop out? I wouldn't take his room away from him tbh so would keep your dcs together. Would you hav to move school? Sounds sensible though if you can deal with those issues!

FayKnights Mon 05-Nov-12 20:41:08

Sounds perfect, go for it.

FrenchRuby Mon 05-Nov-12 20:41:34

We are so lucky, mil is awesome. We all spend a lot of time together anyway, we go around there a few times a week for dinner or on weekends for the day.

Purplehonesty Mon 05-Nov-12 20:42:30

Hmm we spent a year living with my dad while we built a house and to be honest with you it drove us all mad.
Little things like ds not sleeping very well and keeping everyone awake, not being able to wander around with nothing on (!) and loads more things like me ending up doing all the cooking and cleaning whilst working too.
I think in general we just felt on edge cos it wasn't our house.
But it's a good way of saving up money; why don'tyou trial it for a week and see what issues arise

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 05-Nov-12 20:42:47

Go for it, but set out boundaries (rent, shopping bills, eating together or cooking separately etc) in advance and agree a timescale (eg after 8 weeks) to review whether it is working for you all.

quoteunquote Mon 05-Nov-12 20:43:21

Well if all you have to lose is a leaky flat, it's got to be worth at least trying it.

FrenchRuby Mon 05-Nov-12 20:43:38

What about you bil? He'll want to come back during holidays won't he? Or he may drop out? I wouldn't take his room away from him tbh so would keep your dcs together. Would you hav to move school? Sounds sensible though if you can deal with those issues!

Absolutely, we thought of that, dc's have no problem sharing a room if that happens because it would only be for 3 years and MILs house is quite big. I am almost 100% positive bil won't drop out though, he is insanely clever and very, very determined in what he wants to do.

FrenchRuby Mon 05-Nov-12 20:46:27

Also mil's house is still in ds's catchment area, it is important to us that he stays in the same school because he has SN and has amazing support at his current school.

Just be careful about expectations - does MIL know you are thinking of 3 years? My DB and SIL lived with my folks for nearly a year but my folks thought it was only going to be 6 mths so things were a bit fraught at the end.

Also be sure that your DH's siblings are ok with it - in theory it's not their business but in practice it could cause family fallout.

However as you have shared successfully before and other members if the family have lived there too it sounds good!

FrenchRuby Mon 05-Nov-12 20:53:07

*Just be careful about expectations - does MIL know you are thinking of 3 years? My DB and SIL lived with my folks for nearly a year but my folks thought it was only going to be 6 mths so things were a bit fraught at the end.

Also be sure that your DH's siblings are ok with it - in theory it's not their business but in practice it could cause family fallout.

However as you have shared successfully before and other members if the family have lived there too it sounds good!*

We said it'd probably take us that long and she's fine with that. I think if we did go ahead with it we'd sit down first and talk about the plan and time scales etc so it's all clear and to make sure she's definitely happy about us staying that long, she doesn't seem to have a problem with 3 years though when we were talking the other day.
I also don't think bils will have a problem with it at all, but again we'd definitely all sit down and talk about it first.
I definitely think it's worth a try, I mean the worst that could happen is that it doesn't work out, then we'd just move back into a rented house/flat and we'd be no worse off really.
I think I am definitely convinced this is a good idea haha!

Pascha Mon 05-Nov-12 20:57:44

I would be jumping at the chance if I were in your position. It gets you out of a horrible flat, it gives you time to save money, it gives your children comfort and security and you've lived with your MIL before so you have a good idea what to expect.

Even if you do decide after six months that its not working well you will have saved for that long and can always just move back out. I agree you should be clear with your MIL what your objectives are and set some basic ground rules for day to day living.

I imagine she actually doesn't much like the thought of suddenly being alone after having a house full of people.

Pascha Mon 05-Nov-12 20:58:45

Hehe xpost.

Do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Rowanhart Mon 05-Nov-12 21:00:45

Sounds perfect to me. Hope you get a deposit saved!

Just makes sure you pull your weight with the food shopping and cooking.

And remember there will be two women sharing the kitchen!

girlsyearapart Mon 05-Nov-12 21:12:26

If you ve lived with her before and it was ok then I don't see why not.

You might need to lay a few ground rules re the kids though- my pils and my parents both think it's fine to give them sweets and biscuits whenever they want for example

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