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About calling my mum when I give birth?

(62 Posts)
honeytea Mon 05-Nov-12 09:25:24

I think I probably am BU, or at least over reacting.

I'm due to give birth in 4 weeks me and my DP have asked our parents if they want to know when we go into hospital and when the baby is born, PIL want to know as soon as we go into hospital as they are going to drive down to be with us as soon as I'm in labour, it's an 1000 km journy so it's likely they will get to us just after the baby is born. I asked my mum if we should call her to let her know we were going into hospital and when the baby is born even if it is the middle of the night, she wasn't too kean on us calling in the night time, she said we could call the day after when they are awake, I think she realised I was a little upset that she didn't want to know news asap and she said oh you will be too busy to call us once the baby is born, call after 7 AM. I don't expect my mum to come and visit us as soon as the baby is born, we live in another country, she is coming to us for christmas which is very kind of her.

I just feel really sad that no one will be thinking about me whilst I'm in labour, I couldn't imagine not wanting to know if my grown up child was going through labour, and I'd want to know asap if I had a grandchild. I'm getting so upset about it.

Is it normal to call as soon as the baby is born? what have other families done?

The other issue is my DP is talkingabout how he is looking forward to putting a photo of our new baby on facebook and how proud he will be, I don't have an issue with this at all but I'd feel so sad if random people that I went to primary school/worked for the summer/met whilst traveling see our baby before my family.

I really hope I feel like this because of pregnancy hormones, I'm sobbing and feel so silly.

HappyAsASandboy Mon 05-Nov-12 09:34:30

I think it's amazing how different people can be!

I had twins 2 years ago. At some point, my mum raised the birth and said she'd want to k ow as soon as I went into labour - I laughed and told her not to be daft! The last thing I'd have wanted was two sets of grandparents waiting for me to finish - I'd much rather ring them once it was all done and dusted and I'm settled on the ward.

As it happened, I had a planned CS an my mum knew the date (don't think in-laws did). My DH rang both sets of parents once I was out of recovery and settled on the ward (maybe 3 hours post birth?) and said he'd ring later when he knew was the deal was with visiting hours. When he went out to ring my parents and ask them not to come in until the next day as I was knackered, he found them in the corridor waiting to come in. It still rankles me that they came before they were invited.

So, YANBU for being upset, but neither are they. Different people have different needs, wishes and wants smile

HilaryClinton Mon 05-Nov-12 09:34:58

Don't cry!
My sis was in your position-she waited until 7 am, we'll maybe six thirty.
Her labour was quick and took place in the middle of the night our time.

mrskeithrichards Mon 05-Nov-12 09:38:33

I do think it's a bit odd she doesn't want to know before but maybe she feels she'll worry too much?

Bossybritches22 Mon 05-Nov-12 09:41:27

I would say firmly to DP that he is not to put photos on FB until all your parents are told /have seen a photo/visited.

My mum was with me, MIL & other family were informed by phone but MIl didn't visit for 4 mnths!!!

As Happy says different folks etc

It's so difficult but YANBU to be upset, bloody hormones don't help!

CheungFun Mon 05-Nov-12 09:49:46

My DH and DM were with me (we arranged for DM to stay with us from my due date) and I think DH texted FIL when we went to the hospital and then again once DS was born. DM tried to ring my DBro but he was asleep following a night shift so she texted him and rang him once DS was born.

It s different for everyone though, personally I had a quick labour, so DH literally sent 2 texts, but if it was a longer labour I don't think I'd have wanted him having to update the in laws all the time so I can see why people would rather just announce when the baby has arrived!

With regards to Facebook, I'd tell your DH he can update that as soon as all the family have been told first

Trills Mon 05-Nov-12 09:53:56

My mum is strictly of the "no use worrying" mindset and would rather just know when it's all over.

I agree.

diddl Mon 05-Nov-12 09:55:36

Wouldn´t occur to me to tell anyone anything until after the baby was born tbh.

Even if you don´t tell ILs until baby is here, it´s hardly going to be old by the time they arrive!!

katiecubs Mon 05-Nov-12 10:00:17

I wouldn't have even thought to let people know until the morning - I don't see the point in disturbing people's sleep.

I didn't want people to know I was in labour though and just let them know when DS was born. Think it's more exciting news TBH!

I also would not do a FB post until the family all know.

SenoritaViva Mon 05-Nov-12 10:03:24

I was furious with dh for telling people I was in labour. I felt it was private and know that my mum would have simply worried. Dh went totally the other way and forgot to tell any friends with the second! Basically everyone is different. Don't be offended, your mum won't love the baby any less.

FatimaLovesBread Mon 05-Nov-12 10:04:14

Agree with diddl.
We won't be telling anyone, except maybe my sister as she works at the same hospital. I don't want PIL and my parents wondering what's happening and wanting updates. And if anything didn't go to plan I wouldn't want them worrying.

I've got less than 3 weeks to go and I don't even want to make any plans as if we have to cancel them then they'll know i'm in labour.

Maybe you're mum would just rather know when it's over and not worry.

Journey Mon 05-Nov-12 10:06:05

I think you are overreacting.

I presume this is your first baby. When you go into labour it can take a while to establish. There is no need to tell your dm as soon as you have your first contraction.

Even if your baby is born at 1am the hours after your birth go very quickly and it is a special time just you, your dp and your baby. Waiting until 7am is not a big deal. Personally I think it would spoil it a bit if my dh wanted to go and phone everyone straight away.

Jus tell your dp to wait until your family knows the news before putting it on Facebook.

FatimaLovesBread Mon 05-Nov-12 10:06:19

Also, what if you have a couple of false starts? Start having contractions which later stop or a really long latent phase? Or were you just planning on phoning once you're in active labour?

SparePants Mon 05-Nov-12 10:06:26

I'd send her a text. Then you won't disturb her but she'll have the news as soon as she wakes up. I wouldn't have dreamt of ringing people in the night tbh. Our DS was born at lunchtime but we still only sent texts (and then turned phones off) as we didn't want to be stuck chatting on the phone to all and sundry. We phoned parents later on when we'd had our special time together and were ready for visitors.

freddiefrog Mon 05-Nov-12 10:06:43

It didn't occur to me to tell anyone until after the deed was done, but MiL was very upset we didn't ring her and tell her.

With DD1, I was induced and all parents knew that I was going in, but MiL wanted regular updates - not much happened for hours and hours other than me eating my own body weight in Jammie Dodgers, then it all kicked off and DD was born in under 2 hours

With DD2, my Mum knew but only because she was looking after DD1, again MiL moaned merry hell. It was 3am, it didn't occur to me that anyone would want a phone call at that time of the morning to say I'd gone into labour.

YouSeveredHead Mon 05-Nov-12 10:08:43

It's not just about your mum, if you want the support of talking to her then call. Maybe she doesn't want to put pressure on you, maybe she knows it will remind her of how far away she is and this is upsetting?

LST Mon 05-Nov-12 10:10:05

My mum was in the birth suite with me the whole way through. So was DP. They had a jolly old time.

missymoomoomee Mon 05-Nov-12 10:10:13

You really won't give a hoot who is thinking about you when you are in labour as long as the drugs midwife and DH is there thats all that will matter.

I could have had a Gorillagram come in and sing me congratulatory song while I was in labour and it wouldn't have registered.

NervousAt20 Mon 05-Nov-12 10:10:40

Both sets of our parents would have wanted to know as soon as I went into labour but I ended up with a c section so as soon as we were back on the ward DP phoned our parents straight away.

Try not to let it upset you everyone's different x

cbeebiesatemybrain Mon 05-Nov-12 10:10:40

I couldn't bear the thought of people knowing I was in labour! Mil had asked for a phone call to let her know when things started but when the time came I begged dh not to call her.

HorraceTheOtter Mon 05-Nov-12 10:20:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeytea Mon 05-Nov-12 10:25:14

Thanks for sharing all your experiences smile

I think youseveredhead your right, it will highlight how far away I am from them, my mum had a baby when I was 18 and I was very much involved, she had a c-section in the end so I wasn't in the room with her. If we lived in the same country she would have been there at the birth, I think she resents me living so far away a little.

I am planning on skyping with my family so that they get to see the baby when he is new, I know it isn't the same as an actual new born cuddle but I hope it is still speacial for them.

I really get on well with my mum, we are great friends but I am always the one to call and suggest times to skype, we talk about once a week, when I was about 6 months pregnant I got upset that it is always me who calls so I didn't call and just waited till she called me, so we didn't speak for more than a month, I called eventualy as I wanted to speak to my little sister who is only 9. SOmetimes I think DM would be happy with 6 monthly update letters.

Tuttutitlookslikerain Mon 05-Nov-12 10:25:48

I didn't tell anyone I was in labour with DS1. My mum guessed though, because she kept ringing the house phone, every 10 minutes (no one had mobiles back then) and got no answer, plus I was over due. We did ring them to tell them he had been born in the early hours though, but my mum had asked us to, as had PILs. I wouldn't have cared if they hadn't!

When I needed to go to hospital with DS2 and we couldn't contact our friend who was going to baby sit, I asked my mum to come, she said it wasn't convenient as she was decorating my brother's front room! I was bloody offended and pissed off over that I can tell you!

Tuttutitlookslikerain Mon 05-Nov-12 10:28:27

Oh Honeytea, my mother is like that! She moans if I don't ring, but when I said to her I hadn't moved, neither had my phone number changed she got all arsey!

diddl Mon 05-Nov-12 10:35:59

"I asked my mum to come, she said it wasn't convenient as she was decorating my brother's front room!"

shocksad

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