Is your mother-in-law crazy too?(40 Posts)
Don't get me wrong, my mother-in-law is a lovely woman. I know I'm much more lucky than many. She's just a bit ... full on. Here are a few of the bonkers things that she has done since dd was born, four months ago.
1. She phones me every day. Every day. To ask how dd is. I've managed to get her to stop doing it very early in the morning. She gets up at six.
2. She "organised" all the millions of (gratefully received) baby presents by taking them all out of their little gift bags and wrapping paper bundles, thus separating each one from its carefully preserved tag/label/card. When I asked her, through gritted teeth, if she remembered who had given us what, she just looked at me blankly. Everyone just got a generic, "thank you for your gift" letter.
3. When the baby's birth was announced in the paper, I thought it would be nice to keep a copy of the paper, so that dd could see it when she's older, and read the news of the day... Next time I opened the paper to have a look at it, there was a little square hole where her birth announcement had been... MIL had carefully cut it out, so we could keep the tiny square of paper!
4. Months before the baby was born, she announced her intention to stage a big christening party for her. She was offering to pay for it, so very generous and a nice opportunity for the family to meet the baby. BUT, she insisted that she wanted to have it while her DS was still on paternity leave, ie within two weeks of the birth! Maybe some people bounce back quickly, but this was my first baby and I really didn't know if I'd be up for a party two weeks after childbirth. When I told her this, she responded with an incredulous, "Why not?" This woman had two children. As it turned out, I was barely mobile two weeks after the birth. I put my foot down and we had a christening a month after the baby was born. It was an exhausting experience and I was in discomfort throughout it.
5. She gives the baby a lot of baby talk, including shouting "Coo! Coo!" at her. I have not the words.
6. She's already planning what dd will wear on Christmas day!
Am I being unreasonable? What does your MIL do?
My MIL has said that (unborn) DS will sleep in her bed when we go and visit when he is 6ish weeks old. He is to sleep inbetween MIL and FIL in their bed even though they smoke and I hope to breast feed.
Either she is going to have to be told this is not an option or we won't be going.
My Mil is very boring, I have no issues at all with her.
my MIL is lovely... my MOTHER is as mad as a box of frogs
3 and 5 are hardly that bad... you could have bought another paper.. its a newspaper, there are thousands of copies made surely? and as for baby talk.. she's talking to her grandchild.. who is a baby.. it will not harm your childs development..
she just sounds like a very loving grandmother to me, who may be a bit over-enthusiastic and trying to be involved.. she doesnt sound crazy..
I am in the unfortunate position of having an Ex MIL AND an Ex step MIL. Nothing nice about either, but MIL is particularly toxic. My eldest mournfully talks about how she wishes she had 'normal' grandma
Mine moved into our house for the first 3 months.
Ha! Beat ya.
my MIL sometimes drives me demented, but she is lovely really. She managed to raise a pretty fantastic son (in my eyes anyway!) so she must have done something right.
Your mil sounds lovely, just a tad over-excited.
Believe me, you are lucky my mil, now estranged was toxic, this woman doesn't sound toxic.
Be pleased she wants to help out & pay for things for her gc, it's lovely.
Maybe have a word about the 6am phonecalls though, either that or switch the landline/mobile off at night
My MIL is totally bonkers, but NOT in a good way! She can be really, really nice and then totally vindictive with no warning. Eg. she can be lovely one day and then the next time I see her she can completely ignore me (in my own home) for the enttire day. Not acknowledge that I exist and ignore any comments or questions I direct at her as if I haven't spoken. She can scream abuse at me in teh street with no build up at all, she can be extremly rude to me in public and when I was breastfeeding she refused to move her handbag off the only empty chair (in a judo compatition) to allow me breastfeed as she was keeping the chair for when my sil was going to arrive, I had to stand at the back and struggle. Totally bonkers, I envy you
My MIL is lovely and I never had any of these problems, sorry (DCs are now 12 & 10). However I am quite
scary assertive. In reply to your specific points, re 4, 5 & 6 you may be a tad unreasonable but 4 is already over, 5 & 6 are still to come but are unlikely to stop the earth spinning. In respect of 1,2 & 3 - 1 is unreasonable on her part and it is fair to stop it; 2 and 3 are annoying and a bit rude but it doesn't sound like she is doing anything too awful. Some of the stuff we see on MN is much worse. Calm down a bit and maybe your DP could have a word so that she backs off a bit - but really, none of it is earth-shattering, is it?
My (hopefully!) future mil, I discovered an hour ago, has been teasing dp since we moved in together a year ago, only months after we got together, about not proposing to me yet. And asking when she'll be having grandchildren from us. Crazy woman. Lovely crazy woman
OK, honeytea and ThinkAboutIt, you have both totally beaten me! The sleeping arrangement thing is very weird, and I reckon anyone, even your own mum, in the house for a long time would drive any new mum insane! My MIL is certainly not toxic, just smothering me with love! I'm willing my sister-in-law's upcoming wedding to hurry up - I think it'll take the heat off me!
My MIL is complete crazy and I ADORE her. My mother is also a little nuts so maybe I'm used to it.
Generally, apart from during the summer when she lives abroad. I see MIL nearly every day, certainly 4 times a week. She calls or texts me everyday. She is always planning something, taking the dc off somewhere, cutting their hair, changing their clothes, doing all the things despised on mn. But I love it. She had 12 children! I completely trust her, she is the most extrovert person I've ever encountered, she is prone to being a bit rude and spiteful when she gets stroppy. However I still wouldn't change her.
I don't think any of the things you mentioned sound bad, and I think they were all done with good intentions.
My MIL moves in with us next month. She will join 7 of us already in the household (including my mother).
She is bonkers in a lovely way (leaves messages on the ansaphone asking if the 'lady' can pass on a message to us and leaves our phone number and address so she can get hold of us and tell us that she rang. ITS MY VOICE ON THE BLOODY MACHINE!
She's not interfering at all though.
I think your MIL sounds lovely (annoyingly lovely). All those stupid little things are irrelevant in the big scheme of things - and it's precious to have parents that genuinely do care and want to be a part of it all. You may have to put your foot down a bit sometimes, but if you act the amazingly grateful DIL all the other times she won't take it personally I'm sure
bitsofmeworkjustfineSun 04-Nov-12 22:04:01mmy MIL is lovely... my MOTHER is as mad as a box of frogs
are you my daughter?
My MIL invited my DHs ex round on my 1st meeting with her. Upon discovering that was 13 years younger than DH she decided that I was a gold-digger (not that there was any gold to dig for) and that his ex was a much better match for him. Her, my FIL and DHs ex were all alcoholics and got along famously and because I have never had a drink with them I wasn't accepted.
She refused to talk to me at my wedding, I tried twice and she turned her back on me. She told me I 'trapped' her son by getting pregnant, and the only time she met my DS she said that he clearly wasn't DHs. The list goes on and on.
Mine has just discovered facebook, or rather, FIL has, but using her name (No, I have no idea why)
He writes bonkers comments on every status DP writes, ALL IN CAPITALS SO IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S SHOUTING.
thinks its amazing that I can find different music on the computer....
Is very good at pooh poohing an idea of mine and recycling it 3 minutes later as her own brilliant idea...
Is currently sat on sofa watching DH play beatz on his phone. She thinks he is good at it because, of course, he played the recorder as a child.
I was talking about baby names to mil today and said I'd heard of a few perrys.
She started saying oo that's what I called dps fathers willy. I'd shout put perry away put perry away.
Fucks sake man. Need. To. Know. Basis!
Mine is v odd.
When we go to visit, she watches out for us and when she sees us pulling up outside in the car she goes to the front door and opens it, then goes somewhere inside the house and ignores us. We have to go through the unlocked door and look through the house to find her. I just find it SO rude. Surely, the normal procedure is for the visitors to knock on the door and the homeowner to open it and greet them? It is for everyone else I've ever visited.
She also gives us random tins and packets of food out of her cupboards and they are always out of date. I have no idea why. Possibly she thinks we are very poor and can't afford to buy food?
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