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To have stopped granddad's contact with grandson?

(31 Posts)
Emmon Sun 04-Nov-12 18:49:12

My dad recently came to England from France to visit my 14 month old boy. I made sure all contact was tightly supervised as he was violent with me as an older child.

Things went well until my husband went out for a walk with baby in his pram. My dad and I got into a petty argument and he said when my son returned he would "put him in the road and let him crawl in the traffic. That way people would see what a dreadful mother you are and call social services".

I gave him 5 minutes to pack his bags and £20 for the bus to the airport. Since then I have blocked all contact.

I genuinely believe it was an idle threat, but it concerns me that anyone can visualise a baby crawling in heavy traffic.

Should I let him see his grandson or have I done the right thing?

EleanorHandbasket Sun 04-Nov-12 18:50:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Sun 04-Nov-12 18:50:33

YANBU. What a vile individual.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 04-Nov-12 18:51:19

you really need to ask that?

ofcourse you should keep your child far away from people like that

StickEmWithThePointyEnd Sun 04-Nov-12 18:51:41

If he was violent with you as a child he is unlikely to have changed.

UnbridledPositivity Sun 04-Nov-12 18:51:56

That's a pretty bizarre thing for a grandparent to say. If he was violent to you as a child, I'd say you're definitely justified limiting contact. If he makes you uncomfortable, it is also fine to cut all contact for your own sake, as well as to keep your DC safe.

Well done for standing up to him, that was quick thinking kicking him out in such a decisive way.

MinnieBar Sun 04-Nov-12 18:52:38

I suppose he would say he was 'only joking'. But if that's his idea of a joke, you're well rid. Ugh.

TheLightPassenger Sun 04-Nov-12 18:52:38

How awful, that is such a strange and cruel thing to say, sounds like he hasn't changed since you were a child.

BooyhooRemembering Sun 04-Nov-12 18:53:55

you did the right thing. i wouldn't have him near me or my dcs again.

ArtexMonkey Sun 04-Nov-12 18:54:25

Yanbu.

You're well rid there.

I'm sorry.

AMumInScotland Sun 04-Nov-12 18:56:10

Well done. I wouldn't have even given him the bus fare. He ought to be trying to prove to you that he has changed - if he can't even be bothered to pretend to care about his grand-child's welfare, you are better off without him in your life.

HecatePhosphorus Sun 04-Nov-12 18:56:19

He was violent with you as a child.

He lost all right to be part of your family then and there.

You are not being unreasonable at all.

He is still continuing his bullying of you. That is a vile thing to say to someone.

You did more than me in giving him the £20, tbvh. I'd have shut the door on his arse and not given a shit how he got home.

Emmon Sun 04-Nov-12 19:38:23

The problem is my mum (who was also abusive) is now dying and I wanted to part on good terms with her. However they are both so psychologically damaging I am not sure I could keep contact up. I also have to take the threat against my son seriously.

HecatePhosphorus Sun 04-Nov-12 19:56:19

I must be without heart because when I read that, I'm afraid I thought - so? So someone who was abusive to you through your childhood is dying. You owe them nothing.

You are a far better person than I. you must have a very big heart. Because I can't imagine being able to be that forgiving of people who abused me. I'd just let them go and be done with them.

You will have nothing to reproach yourself for if you have no further contact. Nothing at all.

Someone who has abused you is owed nothing from you.

FamiliesShareGerms Sun 04-Nov-12 20:04:44

Your responsibility is now towards your son. YANBU to protect him by not allowing contact with either parent if they pose any kind of a threat to him (or you). Sorry

technoduck Sun 04-Nov-12 20:05:41

You did the right thing what a vile man, I'm sure your baby gets more than enough love from you and your partner and doesn't need such a horrible person in his life.

FamiliesShareGerms Sun 04-Nov-12 20:05:51

And yes, what Hecate said

MadamFolly Sun 04-Nov-12 20:43:12

You did the right thing.

I understand it must be terribly difficult to finally give up on people that you feel should love and nurture you.

But they haven't loved you or nurtured you.

You need to protect your son and yourself from their bullying.

<<hugs>>

squeakytoy Sun 04-Nov-12 20:50:04

Just because a person is related by blood to someone, it doesnt mean you have to let that person into your childs life (not talking about the childs parents, just other relatives), particularly as they are not going to have any beneficial effect on that child.

comedycentral Sun 04-Nov-12 21:06:42

How awful! I would totally cut my losses now with him.

Ilovecake1 Sun 04-Nov-12 21:08:43

Scaryw..... How sick is he even to think that!! I would never have any contact with him again!!

Ilovecake1 Sun 04-Nov-12 21:09:16

Scary not scaryw!! Lol.

lovebunny Sun 04-Nov-12 21:09:18

you did the right thing. you tried. he failed.
you are protecting your son.
well done.

Shellywelly1973 Sun 04-Nov-12 21:22:31

Op,

I really feel for you. You definitely did the right thing about your dad.

Maybe you could write to your mum, Its about you & your baby now.

Take care.

AMumInScotland Sun 04-Nov-12 22:07:37

It takes two to be on good terms - I can understand why you would want to reconcile with your mother before her death, there's always the feeling that it will soon be too late. But if she is damaging to your emotional well-being then I think you sometimes just have to grieve for a relationship which was never what it should have been, and accept that she is not going to suddenly become a better person at the end. You have done what you could, and should not let yourself be pushed into feeling guilty that the relationship is not what you hoped - that is their fault, not yours.

If you are determined to keep trying with her, could you visit just by yourself before the end, if you think that would help to give you some kind of closure? You certainly should not involve your baby - they have forfeited any right to have a relationship with him by their behaviour.

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