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Feel like giving up

(12 Posts)
Feellikequitting Sun 04-Nov-12 18:12:13

I'm a regular but have name changed, as people IRL know my nickname.

I just feel so down lately, I love DH but silly little things he does are really annoying me (nothing serious, but things like I took DS out today so he could have a bit of time to himself, then he had a headache when we got back and was useless so I sent him to bed to sleep it off but I had been looking forward to a bit of time to relax without DS climbing all over me.

DS is 20 months and is currently either an angel or a monster. I'm finding it hard when he's being difficult, but I'm struggling to get motivated to go out which I know will help as he gets bored when we just stay at home.

I try to keep the house tidy and clean, but even when I've done loads it still looks a mess as the house is small and we have lots of stuff crammed in. Makes me wonder why I even bother, and it's a mess almost straight away again anyway.

We have money worries and I may have to be made bankrupt. I never thought it would get this bad, and my family would be mortified if they knew - I used to have a well paid job but can't do the hours needed for it with a child so am now a SAHM. I feel so ashamed of money problems, would be different if it was because of redundancy or something but people see that it was my choice to stop working so I should be able to pay my bills.

Me and DH have started trying for another baby. That way once they are both at school I can go back to work, but although I desperately want another child I just don't know how I'll cope.

I just want to curl up and sleep, and never wake up sad

Molepom Sun 04-Nov-12 18:21:58

I really wouldn't be thinking about having another child of you are about to be made bankrupt.

Put that idea on hold for a while until you get back on your feet.

Talk to your dh about getting some time to yourself on a regular basis, nothing much just 1/2 an hour a day for now.

Don't be ashamed of your money troubles. Everyone has them, it's nothing new.

Have a declutter and get rid or sell some stuff on ebay. Anything you havent used in a year and anything that can go ie toys, sell them. The less clutter you have, the less cleaning.

Dont sweat that your house isn't spotless, it's not the be all and end all. I understand how it can get you down and it's the tip of the iceburg, but really, dont worry about it.

Ask for help. From everyone, ask them to look after your child for an hour while you go out/ declutter/rest/sleep/etc..

Molepom Sun 04-Nov-12 18:24:14

Bit flippant on the money thing...Go to the CAB and ask for advice there. Arrange payment with any creditors you have, they are usually very reasonable and will try to help you. Look to see if you are able to get help with your rent/mortgage...

I'm sure someone will be alont with more ideas.

zeno Sun 04-Nov-12 18:27:58

Maybe now is not the time to be trying for another baby. Life doesn't always let us do things the way we planned, but you could choose to let yourselves off the hook with that one for a bit at least.

In the meantime, get along to your gp and tell them that last bit, then accept the help they offer.

Feellikequitting Sun 04-Nov-12 18:44:06

I've been dealing with CCCS about the debts, they are the ones suggesting bankruptcy as the best solution so sorry if it sounded like I was being flippant.

The longer we wait to have another child, the longer it will be until I can get back into work. We are in the unfortunate middle income bracket sadly so can't get any help with the mortgage, and in negative equity so can't rent which would mean we could get a small amount of housing benefit. If it wasn't for debts we would be ok-ish financially, no spare money but enough to get by with a small amount to put into savings.

I do get some time to myself, I shouldn't complain about DH really I know I'm lucky with him and reading threads on here I know he does a lot more than most. I think I'm just unhappy and projecting it onto him as I can't really see what is causing it. I've got the family I wanted, supportive extended family, I just don't know why I feel like I want to cry a lot of the time lately. I'm the type of person who analyses a problem and finds a solution but I just don't know why I feel like this.

healstorturepeople Sun 04-Nov-12 18:45:43

Maybe you need to face reality and only have the one lovely child you have. You clearly can't afford a second.

Molepom Sun 04-Nov-12 18:45:50

Wouldn't you loose the house if you were declared bankrupt though?

DoesItComeInBlack Sun 04-Nov-12 18:49:01

I started with PND when DD was about 20 months and felt just the way you are describing, anxious, and desperately tired and unhappy and emotional. Please go and see your GP, this may be an underlying cause why everything seems so black at the moment and they may be able to help you start to feel a bit more in control.

Molepom Sun 04-Nov-12 18:49:47

I agree with going to see your GP. You have a lot to deal with at the moment, both of you.

lucyellenmum Sun 04-Nov-12 18:57:20

I am sorry you are having such a hard time just now. Money worries are soul destroying and you certainly don't sound like you are being flippant. Can i suggest that you DO look into alternatives as bankruptcy really should only be a final option, especially if you own your own house. Feel free to PM me as i have been to hell and back with debts and have lots of experience with sorting out creditors etc. We now have a DMP (debt management plan) which has pretty much saved our bacon. The national debt line do these (so do cccs actually but i have to say that i have never really found them that usefull), we are with a company called payplan and they are one of the companies that dont charge for this service.

You need to sort out priority debts first:

fuel, water, court fees, tax

Anyone else can pretty much be kept at bay with minimal payments. Have you got the interest frozen on credit cards etc, got a reduced payment scheme arranged? All these things can make such a difference. As i said, feel free to PM me, ive been there, its hell, but it can get better.

lucyellenmum Sun 04-Nov-12 19:00:01

Have just seen that you have no or -ve equity in your house, in a way, this could work in your favour with regards to the bankruptcy, i really think you need some professional advice about this.

I also echo what the other posters say about the GP, they are there to help and you have so much on your plate just now.

Molepom Sun 04-Nov-12 19:00:24


I was the one who said the word flippant. It wasn't towards the OP but to my post prior to that one. Sorry OP.

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