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to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

(650 Posts)
TalkinPeace2 Sun 04-Nov-12 18:09:16

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

Pagwatch Sun 04-Nov-12 18:12:14

I don't have a problem with sahm.

If other people are too pig-shit thick to accept that it describes a moment in a persons life and makes no allowance for context then that is their problem.

It would be like saying no one should describe themselves as a feminist because thick people think it means strident man hater.

TalkinPeace2 Sun 04-Nov-12 18:13:30

how many men do not mention their former careers when stuck at home for a period of time ...

StrawberrytallCAKE Sun 04-Nov-12 18:14:03

Bloody hell. It's not a crime to be a sahm you know!! You write like sahm should be ashamed to 'just' be that. It does not necessarily mean any domestic tasks fyi just that you are looking after your children rather than working and neither of which has to be justified to idiots.

TwitchyTail Sun 04-Nov-12 18:14:36

I think people should define themselves however they like.

If someone wants to say "I'm a lawyer but I'm at home with the children until they go to school", or whatever, fine.

If they would rather say "I'm a a stay at home mother", fine.

Just depends how you see yourself. No skin off my nose either way.

Pixel Sun 04-Nov-12 18:15:08

Well I never had a career, I had a job. Doubt anyone is interested in that, I know I'm not!

KellyElly Sun 04-Nov-12 18:15:36

But that's what they currently are. If worked and had taken a career break to go back to uni I would call myself a student, not an ex whatever job I previously did. Also its not some kind of domestic its a woman whose job is bringing up her children full time. Not a label to be ashamed of IMO.

Pixel Sun 04-Nov-12 18:16:13

Oh and I'm not 'stuck at home'. I am allowed out!

WhatWouldGuyFawkesDo Sun 04-Nov-12 18:17:19

My previous job did not, and does not, define me.

Pagwatch Sun 04-Nov-12 18:17:26

But men feeling the need to justify themselves is not a good enough reason for me to do likewise.

I understand your point but I think we should adress the fucknuggets rather than change the label

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 04-Nov-12 18:17:39

Well I don't consider myself 'stuck' at home.

This is a choice I've made consciously, for the benefit of my children. I believe that children are better off at home with a parent before the age of 3, so that is why I am looking after them.

When I return to paid work outside the home, it won't be in my previous field (IT).

Perhaps I should say that I'm a Company Director who only works 2 days a month? Which is also true, but says a lot less about me than the fact that I am at home bringing up my children.

ShatnersBassoon Sun 04-Nov-12 18:17:46

You're being prescriptive and daft.

nokidshere Sun 04-Nov-12 18:18:26

I'm a SAHM (well not really as I work at home) but thats how I describe myself to people even though I had a long and well respected career before the children.

I love being a sahm, and I love being me in my life - I owuld love not to work at home so I could really be a sahm grin.

Its about being content and confident with yourself and your lifestyle choices isn't it?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 04-Nov-12 18:21:07

I found that i mentioned my former career early on in the sahm years (10) , very much because i felt people would look down their noses at my lack of contribution to society. Since coming on mn i realised the error of my ways. No need for defensiveness at all.

Firawla Sun 04-Nov-12 18:22:05

I am a sahm and I don't have a previous career. I've never worked fulltime, I started having my kids young - so what shall I call myself according to you? I have worked part time here n there in shop/cafe in the past, but why should I define myself by that rather than what I do all day every day and have done for the past 5 years and probably will do for another 5 or more years from now, which is looking after my kids? that is more relevant. It's nothing to be ashamed of

RubyFakeNails Sun 04-Nov-12 18:22:17

Thats ridiculous. If someone asks, or the need occurs to talk about what you do, its generally at that present time. I don't think SAHM are forbidden from saying "Oh I used to be a nurse" but simply saying "I'm an ex nurse" is not a response to a question about what you presently do.

In the same way when someone asks what I do (wa/ohm), I wouldn't say "I'm an ex marketing director" because thats not what I was asked.

suddenlyskinnygirl Sun 04-Nov-12 18:22:38

I'm proud to be a SAHM, so that is how I define myself. Sorry if you see the role as being no more than a domestic, but that's your issue really. Although it DOES give me great pleasure to clean my house and make it all sparkly and nice.....

Pagwatch Sun 04-Nov-12 18:22:50

Ditto Jamie. Although it wasn't mn, it was just a realisation tha I was being really stupid

Tee2072 Sun 04-Nov-12 18:23:22

I freelance but I actually count myself as a SAHM.

And I have neither pride nor shame in it.

It's just who I am.

nokidshere Sun 04-Nov-12 18:23:52

Although it DOES give me great pleasure to clean my house and make it all sparkly and nice.....

lol lets not get too enthusiastic here eh........grin

Shellywelly1973 Sun 04-Nov-12 18:24:24

Thats the whole problem!!

A SAHM has so little respect & worth in this day&age.

Ur presuming alot by saying most women are educated until 18/career before children...

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 04-Nov-12 18:24:25

I dont think stay at home mum implies domestic, they are just not in employment.

If a friend described themselves as x whatever rather than not working I would raise my eyebrows and wondef why they felt the need to do that.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 04-Nov-12 18:26:23

Oh yes, not entirelt mn, just getting used to the change, and learning to shrug off the twats who would glaze over as soon as they realised you weren't a rocket scientist or something.

Actually, one of the nicest things about becoming a parent was freeing myself from being defined by the work i did.

Netguru Sun 04-Nov-12 18:26:48

If I manage to conceive again at 42 I intend to retire early!

HecatePhosphorus Sun 04-Nov-12 18:27:44

"So, what do you do?"

"I used to work in a bank/in a shop/in the stock market/in a hospital."

way to reinforce the idea that being a sahm is unworthy. you can't even answer the question with what you currently do! It's like it's a shameful, nothing thing that must be hidden. grin

Be proud of what you do at each stage of your life! There's nothing wrong with being a sahp so why should people try to avoid saying it. It just makes it seem like something to be ashamed of.

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