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To wish the fun police would just go away and leave people alone

(84 Posts)
Jusfloatingby Sun 04-Nov-12 16:25:12

I was at an anniversary party last night. In the living area there was music and dancing, in the kitchen there was a gang of people (including me) sitting around chatting, drinking and having a laugh. In comes one of the fun police insisting we should 'join the party' - which we thought we were doing- and come into the sitting room and dance around the place with them. The reason we had chosen the kitchen in the first place was because we didn't want to dance and preferred to chat and joke and enjoy ourselves in our own way. She just wouldn't go away and everyone reluctantly trailed after her into the living area.
Its the same at weddings. These pests just won't let people sit back and watch the dancing or slip into the bar with a group of friends they want to have a catch up with.

Why can't people be left alone at parties to just enjoy themselves without knowing that any minute some jolly 'rocking around the Christmas tree' type is going to come up and start haranguing them and forcibly pulling them out onto the dance floor, or up to take part in the karaoke or do the conga.

AIBU to think these self styled 'life and soul of the party' types are a PITA?

FromEsme Sun 04-Nov-12 16:28:44

Oh GOD, I am SO with you. I love sitting down at parties and having a chat with a few people. I like to dance as well, but sometimes I just want to chill out.

People like this need to have a look at themselves. It must be some sort of insecurity thing. "OMG, there's some people who aren't doing exactly what I'm doing, what if that makes what I'm doing wrong, WAAAAH."

mutny Sun 04-Nov-12 16:36:38

Yanbu and i think fromesme is right its a self esteem thing. 'People couldn't possibly be having fun if they are doing what i am doing and if they are i show show shown they are wrong'.

I am terrible i dig my heels in and refuse to go.

FromEsme Sun 04-Nov-12 16:39:08

I had something similar recently when apparently I wasn't getting into the spirit by not dressing up as a schoolgirl.

"Oh you're so BORING!" cried all.

Yes, it's so much fun to all dress up the same in a really quite creepy costume for men to stare at.

PetiteRaleuse Sun 04-Nov-12 16:45:47

Yanbu. I prefer to people watch and talk to people at parties and weddings. I am a terrible dancer, hate drinking and party games etc.

If I decided to drag people off the dance floor and make them sit down quietly and chat they would be a little hmm

people should be allowed to enjoy themselves however they want (within reason)

mutny Sun 04-Nov-12 16:48:59

Yes, it's so much fun to all dress up the same in a really quite creepy costume for men to stare at.

Glad its not just me that finds that creepy. I went with a friend last weekend and town was crawling with fancy dressers. My friend is very reserved and approaching 60. We were in a quiet bar when a load of 'sexy' nurses came in absolutely aresholed. It was 7.30pm. They were milling around the bar annoying people and asked us what we had planned. There were very appalled that our plans were a quiet drink and a meal. They seemed genuinely offended by our plans. My friend was quite embarrassed
being told she was boring and having someones boobs thrust at her so I told said drunk girl to go away. Which she did.

mutny Sun 04-Nov-12 16:50:09

If I decided to drag people off the dance floor and make them sit down quietly and chat they would be a little

I would love to see someone do that.

FermezLaBouche Sun 04-Nov-12 16:52:51

I totally agree with you OP! I thought this was gonig to be a post about killjoys, but it's quite the opposite. I loath how people think you can't be having fun if you're not trolleying around to "I Will Survive" or equal horrors. Piss off and let people enjoy themselves as they see fit!

lurkedtoolong Sun 04-Nov-12 16:54:32

YANBU at all. There is nothing less enjoyable than forced fun. Just leave people alone and get on with your own night. I can take or leave drinking and dancing and party games but when I choose to participate not when someone else tries to force me.

Smudging Sun 04-Nov-12 16:56:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AThingInYourLife Sun 04-Nov-12 17:00:20

"If I decided to drag people off the dance floor and make them sit down quietly and chat they would be a little"

Do it! grin

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 04-Nov-12 17:01:25

Oh, yes, I hate that. Some people seem to have no understanding that people enjoy themselves in different ways.

My pet hate is those people who cannot enjoy a drink or twenty without insisting you get pissed too, or people who insist on 'group photos' every three seconds. I like a few pictures of a party if everyone's got dressed up or something like that, but not when you're in your everyday clothes and will all see each other again in a few days anyway.

mutny Sun 04-Nov-12 17:05:47

Oh my god the cry of 'group photo!' send chills down my spine.

BackforGood Sun 04-Nov-12 17:07:35

OTOH, I'm not sure why you all meekly went and followed.
Why not say "No thanks, we're having a great time here, catching up with each other / getting to know each other / reminising / whatever" ?

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 04-Nov-12 17:10:37

YANBU. I don't dance. Some people won't take no for an answer on this, but I really don't, and a refusal seems to offend them.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn Sun 04-Nov-12 17:12:58

Wow! Look at you all!

And here's me, thinking I'm weird - good to know I'm not alone grin

Arthurfowlersallotment Sun 04-Nov-12 17:13:25

Charlie Brooker summed it up perfectly when writing about Andy Murray..

The people who want Murray to smile are the same ones who try to make me dance at weddings. They want the world to conspicuously enjoy itself in a manner of their choosing, and they turn vaguely sanctimonious when they encounter pockets of resistance, as though their definition of fun is the only one that matters

Arthurfowlersallotment Sun 04-Nov-12 17:15:25

Oh and the last time someone tried to pull me towards the dancefloor by my arm I stood on their foot.

Notquite Sun 04-Nov-12 17:22:48

Yes yes yes, you are my sort of people.

I can't bear being pushed into the role of miserable party pooper (because I bloody well won't dance if I don't want to) when I was actually having a good time chatting.

thenightsky Sun 04-Nov-12 17:23:08

YANBU OP. I hate them too. But you don't have to go with them to the dancefloor you know. I tend to tell them to go away and stop being so rude with their interrupting of other people's conversations.

The last party I went to this happened and about 6 of us (chatting in the kitchen) turned round and said, en-masse... 'OH DO FUCK OFF'


SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Sun 04-Nov-12 17:30:54

I can sort of see both sides. If someone has planned a themed party with games and dancing, it's a bit off for people to refuse to dress up and sit in the kitchen refusing to join in: if you know you hate fancy dress etc then don't go to the party in the first place. Because it can be a real dampener on an evening to have too many people sitting about with faces like smacked arses, talking about world hunger or whatever.

ON the other hand, if it's just a general party then people should be let do pretty much what they want as long as they're not annoying other guests.

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 04-Nov-12 17:35:13

Mmm. I know what you mean SGB, but do you never meet the kind of people who decide how a party should be despite the fact it's bugger all to do with them? Like when the hosts are perfectly happy with everyone doing their own thing but one person takes it on themselves to do it 'properly'?

A mate of mine used to have (presumably still has, but for obvious reasons I don't see much of her any more) this annoying habit of inviting everyone to her birthday then a couple of weeks in advance sending round messages: 'It will be fancy dress - themed [odd obscure randomness]!' or 'I've decided to make it fun with a little game, you must all devise a set of clues for a treasure hand and share them with the next named person!'

I got fed up with finding polite excuses why I was suddenly busy/putting up with crap so just stopped going.

I am fairly antisocial but surely the point of not being five any more is you don't need organized jollies in order to have fun with other adults of an evening?

HoneyDragon Sun 04-Nov-12 17:41:01

I'm that evil bastard at parties that offers to stay put and look after handbags etc, or offers to help in the kitchen.

Gradually my fellow shirkers join me until we are strong enough as a resistance to the fun police. By the end of the evening a coup is staged and they have to sit on the floor as the chairs are ours grin

KatyPeril Sun 04-Nov-12 17:50:21


WhereYouLeftIt Sun 04-Nov-12 17:54:59

<quietly sings You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties to self>

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