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To tell a mother about her dd and her boyfriend ?

(34 Posts)
BratinghamPalace Sun 04-Nov-12 15:09:53

So. A new friendship between this woman and me. Her dd came to babysit. She is 16 yrs old and very sweet. She confided in me that she has a boyfriend. It is her first boyfriend She has not told her dm or df as they "would be too protective" . The boy is a year older than her, collects her in his car and they drive around. Sounds harmless enough. She did say the boy takes a drink sometimes. So! AIBU to give her mum a heads up? On one hand I feel that the dm should know if I know and (hopefully) maintain silence. On the other hand this young girl placed her trust in me .....

LFCisTarkaDahl Sun 04-Nov-12 15:12:07

Nope, she's old enough to marry him. I would have a very frank talk with her about drinking and driving and keeping safe in a car.

But no, I wouldn't tell her mum if she asked me not to.

pictish Sun 04-Nov-12 15:12:35

I wouldn't. Personally.

TomsBentPinky Sun 04-Nov-12 15:13:52

I wouldn't.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Sun 04-Nov-12 15:14:25

I wouldn't say anything.

Could be over before you know it anyway

pumpkinsweetie Sun 04-Nov-12 15:14:25

I wouldn't she is 16.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 04-Nov-12 15:15:30

none of your business really OP, why tell her mother?

RubyFakeNails Sun 04-Nov-12 15:15:58

Absolutely not. She's 16, he's 17 and their relationship sounds completely normal for that age.

I can't work out if you mean he drink drives or he drives but also drinks as a separate thing. Anyway as the adult a reminder about being safe in the car and drink-driving if thats what you're saying would probably be a good idea.

Yes its something her mother would like to know but its not something she has the need or right to know. She obviously confided in you so don't abuse that by telling her mother.

BluelightsAndSirens Sun 04-Nov-12 15:16:12

I wouldn't. I know loads about a friends 17 year old because she doesn't feel able to share with her mum so asks my advice.

sad really

missymoomoomee Sun 04-Nov-12 15:16:38

Why would you? And why shouold her Mum know? Thats just like gossiping because you have a bit of information someone else doesn't know imo.

RyleDup Sun 04-Nov-12 15:17:45

Absolutely not. She has confided in you, she's not doing anything wrong, and more importantly, she is 16.

AnnieLobeseder Sun 04-Nov-12 15:18:34

My only concern would be whether he drink drives, and that's not entirely clear from your posts.

usualsuspect3 Sun 04-Nov-12 15:19:04

I wouldn't. Shes 16 ,quite old enough to have a boyfriend.

BratinghamPalace Sun 04-Nov-12 15:20:20

Ok so. Will say nothing. Will have a car safety chat.

MadamFolly Sun 04-Nov-12 15:20:21

No way, she is 16 and can make her own choices.

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 04-Nov-12 15:24:50

I definitely wouldn't tell her mother. But I would have a chat with the daughter about drink-driving, and that she should never get into the car with her boyfriend if he has been drinking. Young drivers are often overconfident, and alcohol just increases that, so the risk of an accident is very high. If she can't see the physical risk of being srapped around a tree then emphasise that her mother would find out about the boyfriend if that were to happen (and she'd be grounded well in to her thirties for the deception).

EllenParsons Sun 04-Nov-12 15:52:04

YWBU to tell the mum. The daughter has not told you anything worrying or wrong so respect her privacy.

ilovesooty Sun 04-Nov-12 16:05:57

I'm with everyone else. Don't tell her mother.

lovebunny Sun 04-Nov-12 16:08:31

when the daughter comes again, tell her firmly that her disclosure has put you in a difficult position.
her parents would expect you to behave as a responsible adult with a minor, and not hold secrets.
ask the daughter not to tell you anything else her parents don't know about.
tell her that you will not tell her parents about the boy, but that you are placing the responsibility for telling them where it belongs, with her, and you are trusting her to tell them. (then its up to her whether she does so or not)
she's the daughter of someone you know, attending your home as a babysitter. she is under eighteen. you are in loco parentis, in the parents' eyes.

HecatePhosphorus Sun 04-Nov-12 16:26:21

Takes a drink as in drinks and drives?

I would be having a chat with her about how dangerous that is.

bonnieslilsister Sun 04-Nov-12 16:31:25

I disagree with lovebunny and if my dd was unable for some reason to speak with me I would be glad she had a friend of mine to talk to.

ilovesooty Sun 04-Nov-12 16:33:14

I disagree with lovebunny too. I'd confine myself to chatting about alcohol/driving as anything else is disrespectful of confidentiality.

Tabliope Sun 04-Nov-12 16:40:16

Partly agree with lovebunny. I really wouldn't want to know as now I'd be worrying about this girl and her bf having a drink and is he drink driving and tbh I've enough worries of my own rather than worrying about someone else's kid. I wouldn't tell the mother however she's going out with someone but I'd not want to know anymore about the girl's situation. I think I'd probably offer her some advice that it's a bad move ever getting into a car with someone that's had a drink, completely irresponsible and leave it at that.

DolomitesDonkey Sun 04-Nov-12 16:49:48

Hang on, you trust this grown woman enough to look after the most precious things in her life yet you don't trust her to conduct an adult relationship?

Sounds like you need to grow up and stop tittle-tattling.

Mrsjay Sun 04-Nov-12 16:54:12

NO I wouldn't say anything do say to her to not get int he car if he has been drinking but they are 16 and 17 not young teenagers don't go running to her mum and dad that isn't fair she is almost an adult,

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