PIL going OTT on decorating own room for GC'S(148 Posts)
I have two DC (6 and 1) we live in same town as MIL and they see GC'S once a week either we go to them, they come to us, we all go out.. DS has a sleepover every couple of months and DD not yet though keep asking.
They are their first GC'S, have always been full on with them and would spend every day with them if they could, they buy them a new present every week ( which DP has said to stop but have ignored "it's only something small!") I get on ok with them, have never had crossed words but things have cooled since DC as I just find them so overbearing.
So to my subject..
PIL have just downsized and have just newly decorated one of the rooms for the GC'S to include, new kids bed, kids curtains, lampshade, height chart, framed children's art, train set, baby toys displayed in keeping with theme (they each have a stack of everyday toys in another room that they normally play with)have bought identical comforters and nightlights that they have at home and new set of chest of drawers which when my son opened the other week was filled with brand new clothes for each GC'S tops, trousers, sock, pants etc.
I know they are probably only trying to make them feel comfortablebthere but Is it just me to finds this a bit OTT and to be honest a bit weird like they are trying to re-live parenting? Especially as they only stay over very occasionally. I would never say anything as not my house but find it quite uncomfortable when I go there - even pictures on the walls/mantelpiece are just of GC'S - all other family members have been bumped off to a room that's hardly used!
They love their grandchildren. They love them so much they want them to be totally at home when they do stay.
That's my perspective.
I think it's lovely. My DDs have got their own rooms at my parents house and they have been done out for them.
It's nothing to do with re-living parenting, simply making their grandchildren as welcome as possible.
It their money, their choice. And if their GC is/are the only people to use the spare room then why not decorate and furnish it for them?
I'd be delighted that someone was taking that much interest in my children. I'd happily let both my children stay over, if it gave me time to spend alone with dh. i don't think it's strange. They just sound like excited loving grandparents.
This sounds like my parents. It's just that they are excited, and tbh my ds loves it that they have made him his own room complete with murals on the wall that the whole family helped paint.
I don't see it as them trying to relive parenting though as I make the decisions and when my ds has a sleepover, it is a treat for him.
GP are there to spoil their GC, there isn't a harm in it, as long as they are respecting the parenting decisions that you make and not undermining you - for example, I still stick with the rule that I only cook one dinner and if my ds doesn't eat it, that's his tough luck, and I would be cross if my parents undermined this when he stayed with them.
Ah I think it's sweet. They are trying really hard but it shows how much they adore their gc. So long as they aren't trying to butt in all the time about how you raise the DC I would appreciate the gesture.
What lovely grandparents and how nice for you to have the option of overnight childcare when needed in a lovely comfy environment.
I completely see where you are coming from. I'm about to give birth do pils first GS (please god soon!) and mil has insisted on decorating a 'nursery' at her house. Complete with cot, child furniture, mobile, feeding chair and a load of clothes in 0-3 months and 3-6 months. Now, there is no way she will be having him overnight in that time, although I'm open to it in future. It's the clothes that make it weird for me. He has plenty clothes (yes, already!) and I will carry spares, as I expect you send clothing when your child stays overnight. I keep trying to tell myself it's sweet and they are just excited and it will be lovely for him but there is a bit of me that feels like, I dunno, they are trying to 'win' by having a better room than he has at home. DH understands what I'm feeling but I can hardly tell them what to do with their own house. But I feel your pain
Sounds nice to me (though I can see why you would think it a bit OTT given that so much stuff they'll grow out if is unnecessary). Do you see it as pressure to let DD sleep over / both DCs to stay more often?
It could be an absolute Godsend if you find yourself needing to rely on your PiLs more for childcare at any point - your DCs should be very happy to go there.
I think its great. My parents did the same for dd. She was the only grandchild and she picked how ot was decorated. It has just been redone as I now have a son and dd wanted to share it with her brother.
It seems a bit odd to me-as if they don't have a life. However grandparents are supposed to spoil them so I would just ignore and let them get on with it.
My mum's put aside a room for gc - not decorated yet but it will be and it's lovely. DN stays over a lot and he sees it as his room. Ds has not stayed over but will when he's old enough - even if I'm there he''ll still have his own room. We do sometimes stay over even though we only live 20 mins away.
I can understand the toys and the room but not they the clothes in the drawers! That would freak me out a bit! Can't quite understand why they would buy clothes! Children grow out of clothes so quickly and it's not like they are staying there on a weekly basis!
Why on earth would you not be chuffed as nuts that your dc will have a lovely room at theirgps?
It sounds on the OTT side to me.
Although also making it easy for everyone when the GC stay over-which of course they don´t have to.
It´s not as if they are now demanding that the GCs move in!
Your children are SO fortunate to have grandparents that adore them. You really and truluy should be grateful.
How absolutely lovely for your children to have GPs who love them so and want them to feel comfortable in their home. How lovely for you to have such a constant offer of help. They say it takes a village to raise a child and the nuclear family has destroyed the old extended family support systems but not for you. You seriously are lucky.
Both my parents are dead, my PiLs love my kids but they already had 3 other grand children when mine were born and they werent that interested. They never offer to babysit etc and wouldn't take the kids overnight. I'd love that sort of support and I would love my children to feel at home in more than one house, I'd see it as such a gift to them.
Doodle - it'll be nice if you stay over and you have a comfortable place for dc
Congratulations and good luck
I think it's lovely. I'm a single parent and my kids only have one set of grandparents. My dads house is a pig sty and there's no way they could stay there. I don't even take them there because it stinks of cigarette smoke and is filthy. I have to practically beg my Mum to have either of then for a sleepover and she's never had them both sleepover.
I would be counting my lucky stars if i was you!
Mmmmm, I think it is a bit odd. Not so much the room decoration but the comforters and the clothes. Almost as if they will become "their children" when they get them. (Disclaimer ds1(17) stayed overnight with his granny for 2 nights when he was 11. The others have never stayed over without me.) Do they have other hobbies and interests.
Thanks, yes you are right it is lovely as they enjoy going to see them and I should just let them indulge themselves and the DC's as its their house/ their money . Every week MIL has been out shopping for something new for the room -It was just the clothes I think that freaked me out as I just wasn't expecting to see the draws overflowing with clothes when DS opened it. The last sleepover I packed DS's clothes and when I went to pick him up he was in a full set of clothes (including pants) that I had never seen before.
I just think its nice to have a few bits and bobs to personalise a rooms or them but clothes and comfort blankets is OTT and yes if i am honest it does make me feel they are doing it so they will stay over more often - but we only live 5 mins drive away so don't see why they should stay over more than what they do.
It would creep me out, to be completely honest.
But I get a bit twitchy about grandparents wanting custody style access.
I'm not sure what you can do about it though.
Awwwww you are very lucky...wished all GPs were like this. Just be grateful.
She can only do it when they are little- they will soon want to choose their own clothes so I really wouldn't worry.
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