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to think that you don't do this?

(60 Posts)
winkle2 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:00:00

I don't have kids so I want a parents perspective on this.

My sister and I fell out a few months ago because she thinks I (verbally) attacked her children. I didn't, and have tried to explain but she won't listen to me.

Today we had a family occasion at my mums house. She wasn't there but her 5-year old son (my nephew) was.

He said to me 'mummy said I'm not allowed to talk to you and if I do then I'm not allowed to go to nanny's house anymore'.

I was shocked and upset.

AIBU in thinking that you don't do this or is this fair game considering she thinks I have been horrible about her children?

AgentZigzag Sat 03-Nov-12 23:04:01

What did you say?

It's a pretty crucial part of the story isn't it?

CollieEyeOfNewt Sat 03-Nov-12 23:04:14

That's quite extreme to say that to your child. Having said that don't put the child into a situation where he loses the contact with his grandparents. You really need to speak to your sister.

What did you say? How did she interpret it?

moopoint Sat 03-Nov-12 23:04:53

I think it's ridiculous of her involving her children like this.

SavoyCabbage Sat 03-Nov-12 23:06:19

I think a lot depends on what happened previously.

winkle2 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:06:39

I said to her (in an email) that she announced at my wedding 'this is shit, there's no food for the kids and fcuked off to McDonalds'.

I have since tried to explain to her that it was announcing this is shit so that other people/my mates can hear, not the fact that she took them to mcdonalds, but she thinks that I'm cussing her because her kids eating habits are bad.

MsVestibule Sat 03-Nov-12 23:08:17

"Verbally attacked" is pretty strong language. I think SIBU to say that to her 5 year old but you need to sort out the thing with your sister before it goes on any longer. What does your mum think about it?

RubyFakeNails Sat 03-Nov-12 23:09:03

Well its hard to say, as it sounds like she feels, based on her interpretation of your behaviour, you pose some sort of danger or risk to her children and she therefore doesn't want them interacting with you.

I have a certain relative who I've banned my children from having anything to do with and this is for their own good. Although I don't think its right that she has said it will affect visiting grandparents.

Even if you tell us what you said, it probably doesn't matter as its about how your sister feels towards what you said. She's obviously really upset with you whether what you said was bad behaviour or not.

UltraBOF Sat 03-Nov-12 23:09:40

She sounds like a bit of a dickhead. What's your relationship like usually?

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Sat 03-Nov-12 23:10:16

Fucking hell, your sister is, erm, how do I say this politely in a non-offensive way...ever so slightly not behaving how you would expect the majority of people to behave...

Has she got a massive guilt complex about taking her DC's to MacDonalds?!

And how is food at a wedding 'shit' for kids anyway? Either it's shit for everyone, or she means that it isn't junk food and she only feeds her DC's junk food, in which case, surely the only person judging her is HER?!

BooyhooRemembering Sat 03-Nov-12 23:11:01

she's being a complete idiot if she thinks that was a verbal attack on her kids and telling a child they wont be able to visit their nanny's if they speak to their aunt is disgusting.

ConfusedPixie Sat 03-Nov-12 23:12:30

Your sister is a dick. I felt that before I saw what she said at your wedding shock She shouldn't be dragging the children into it, but goodness me that's bloody awful of her. I can't believe you kept in touch after the wedding!

MsVestibule Sat 03-Nov-12 23:12:37

I'm pretty tired, so not sure if I've got this straight. Is this right?:

- At your wedding, she announced "This is shit, there's no food for the kids" and took them to McDonalds.
- You were unhappy with her behaviour at your wedding, so pulled her up on it by email.

If I'm correct, how did you verbally attack her kids confused.

Proudnscary Sat 03-Nov-12 23:13:45

You both sound childish and argumentative.

Why did you send that email?

I presume there's a huge back story?

winkle2 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:14:10

MsVestibule you are right.

Couthy - I think you're right. She feels guilt for the kids' eating habits.

CollieEyeOfNewt Sat 03-Nov-12 23:14:36

I have questions on this: why was there no food for the kids? Do you usually sneer at McDonalds?

Basically, has she got a point?

This does not excuse her for filling her child's head with worry over talking to you and losing nanny. That's beyond mean.

CollieEyeOfNewt Sat 03-Nov-12 23:18:31

I recently got married & had a reception with really boring plain food for the kids (25 of them aged 2-7), and adult, spicy, food. Is that what she meant? Unsuitable because of palate? Clutching at straws...

winkle2 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:18:35

Proudnscary - yes there is a backstory.

A couple of years ago we had a massive argument. I had a go at her (rightly or wrongly) about letting a 2-year old play 18 rated games on the Xbox.

Since then I have backed off. I feel that it's her child and perhaps I got too involved and should let her bring up her own child her way (regardless of what I think).

I sent the email to her and my other sister because in my culture my husband is supposed to buy my sisters a new sister in law present and her and my other sister were emailing me for the present.

I got annoyed and listed the reasons why I didn't believe they deserved it. This was only one of the points I listed. But it's the one she's holding on to.

Childish and argumentative? Not sure on that one. But def underlying issues there.

BooyhooRemembering Sat 03-Nov-12 23:19:35

TBH if there was a family event happening that involved someone i didn't want my children speaking to i wouldn't take them, never mind sending them alone to have to take it upon themselves to avoid that person and tell them why! is the nephew quite confident? my ds is 7 and would feel incredibly embarassed telling an adult he wasn't going to speak to them, he would feel it was very rude!

winkle2 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:21:40

boo - she turned up later with my 3 year old niece who also was showing signs of awkardness towards me.

winkle2 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:22:39

collie - food might have been unsuitable but would you say 'this is shit' at your sisters wedding within earshot of others?!

Silence Sat 03-Nov-12 23:23:04

It is far more than we know. And you all seem to dislike each other
Shame really

winkle2 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:24:14

I think you're right Silence, I do dislike the way she is. Shame really as I was so close to her I was there when both of her kids were born.

Maryz Sat 03-Nov-12 23:25:23

If I were you I would carry on being nice to her children, and try very hard to forget about it all.

The kids will forget - unless she carries it on, in which case there isn't much you can do.

Personally, I think if you take your kids to a wedding, you feed them whatever is on offer (or ask the hotel for bread if they won't eat it), but I wouldn't continue the argument. Draw a line under it and hope that she will (eventually) do the same.

CollieEyeOfNewt Sat 03-Nov-12 23:26:08

No, I wouldn't have said that.

I wouldn't have sent the email you sent either. To both your sisters? What did the other one do?

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