My PIL live on the next street from us. They moved there from about 200 miles away, 3 days before the birth of PFB 5 months ago. MIL seems to be obsessed with PFB. Obsessed in a way that no-one else in the family is (my Grandma/sister/mum/dad who all live close too)
Passive agressive if she doesn't see him twice a week and very openly offended if we use anyone other than her to babysit.
Once a friend had the baby out in the pram so we popped over to see PIL (without baby) and she went on about it to everyone. Never mind that we'd gone to see them, she kept going on about how we had come without the baby!
She keeps a mental tally of how many hours other people have spent with him, and wants to make sure she's never had less time than anyone else. She asks people how many hours they've spent.
Her own MIL lived 8 miles away from her when DH was growing up and she invited her once a year only. So its not like in their family they spent a lot of time with grandparents and expects us to do the same.
I'm a very unsociable person, I like to spend time just me, DH and DS (and so does DH) and am struggling with this new arrival in our lives. My parents live 2 miles away and I get on with them fantastically, have a brilliant relationship, but opt to only see them socially maybe once a month for dinner or something.
It isn't that MIL is bored, she has a circle of friends and an activity (ie book club, volunteering, orchestra) 4 or 5 days a week plus her and FIL love pottering in their garden.
I feel that when she had her family she rarely invited her parents, or PIL round, or visited them and got to just enjoy her baby and DH in peace. I'd like to do the same. In an ideal world we'd see them maybe once a month. The latest thing is that our cleaner has asked for a few more hours so we've said she can do some "mothers help" and look after the baby a few hours a week so I can get some things done. If we hadn't have been able to give these extra hours cleaner had to leave and get a full time job.
MIL was very upset to hear this (ie someone else with baby not her) and eyes filled up with tears and she didn't speak) AIBU to think there is a difference to having a professional relationship with an employee, who will be emptying dishwasher, tidying playroom, doing any odd jobs and I can tell her how I want things done with baby, to having my MIL in the house 4 times a week (who I don't feel comfortable dictating to and who obviously wouldnt be putting washing on etc like the employee would be) I like MIL I just don't want her in my house all the time - why can't she see that? I want some privacy.
I told my mum that cleaner (who is very responsible, trustworthy and been with us a long time and loves the baby) would be doing some 'mothers help' and my mum just said great, sounds perfect. No tears.
I don't know what I really am asking...just struggling I suppose with the suffocating feeling that this is MY baby, and I want some space. DH is at least in agreement with me but understandably hasn't yet found the courage to tell MIL to back off a bit as he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.
As it is we see PIL much much more than my Grandma/sister/Parents who all live within 2 miles as well and would love to see us more, they just dont get passive agressive when we're busy.
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AIBU?
To feel suffocated by MIL?
75 replies
HeidiHole · 03/11/2012 16:27
OP posts:
TwitchyTail ·
03/11/2012 16:37
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TwitchyTail ·
03/11/2012 16:47
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