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Different ideas about monogamy

(39 Posts)
IKIAMBU Sat 03-Nov-12 13:42:12

My DP and I have very different ideas about monogamy, which I only discovered when we started living together.

He thinks that, by design, every one has a partner; it's the way they are made. When they come into being, then two are betrothed and must be together throughout their life. This means that they are forced to stay together, even if one is flawed or defective.

I, on the other hand, like to mix things up a bit. I don't believe that every one is matched; just that that's how we, as people, view it. We superimpose our own sense of monogamy onto a situation that doesn't need it. I like to think every one has a new chance each day and a whole range of options. Maybe the two originals will come together again, maybe they won't. Either way, it will be by random chance as opposed to being held together, against their will, to ensure they stay together. I like to think the choices I make are my own.

He says I am thinking too much about socks. But then he would- his match.

BertieBotts Sat 03-Nov-12 13:44:05

Surely that isn't to do with monogamy but about fate/"the one" etc.

Or are you saying he wants a monogamous relationship and you want an open one? Because that's not going to end well grin

Softlysoftly Sat 03-Nov-12 13:45:23

I think she's saying she doesn't care if one foots black and the other is pink with blue polka dots.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Sat 03-Nov-12 13:45:35

So basically your take on monogamy is that every day you may find someone else you fit with better and move your affection to them?

Thats not monogamy, its fuckwittery.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sat 03-Nov-12 13:45:48

You may be being unreasonable, I've got no idea what you're asking though.

Bunbaker Sat 03-Nov-12 13:47:26

Could you clarify your original post?

HecatePhosphorus Sat 03-Nov-12 13:48:19

So he believes in soul mates?

That's sweet.

I think it's fine to have different views as long as you respect each other's view and the different views don't cause problems - like one of you believing in sexual monogamy and the other one not!

The only thing that paranoid old me would worry about would be that he's setting the groundwork for being some sort of arse grin you have to stay together no matter how flawed he is, cos it was pre-ordained!

Softlysoftly Sat 03-Nov-12 13:49:04

Socks people socks, this is like a comprehension test <<swot>>

BandersnatchCummerbund Sat 03-Nov-12 13:49:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecatePhosphorus Sat 03-Nov-12 13:49:47

I think she's saying that she doesn't believe a) that the person you are with was decided for you before you were born by some sort of higher power b) that you have to stay with them forever even if they're an arse and c) that it's possible to love more than once in your life.

But I may have misunderstood.

Back2Two Sat 03-Nov-12 13:50:06

I think she's saying he is quite particular and anal, but she likes it any which way just so long as she's got two on the go at any given time.

lisaro Sat 03-Nov-12 13:50:38

So what if one gets lost in the washing machine of life? Meh. Bollocks.

Softlysoftly Sat 03-Nov-12 13:51:18

Arf back2two

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 03-Nov-12 13:53:36

Have you considered submitting to pseud's corner?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 03-Nov-12 13:56:20

I'll betcha dp's socks aren't monogamous at all. I bet he just buys a dozen identical pairs, and doesn't actually put the original pair back together again at all. (Unless they're "wacky" Xmas socks, gifted to him)

So his socks are just as promiscuous as hers, they just hide it better.

HecatePhosphorus Sat 03-Nov-12 13:57:37

Why are people taking the piss? Am I missing something? Is this a joke thread that has gone over my head?

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 03-Nov-12 13:59:17

I think because she's asking a serious question in a slightly jokey way (re. socks), Hecate?

I don't know what else to say other than musings on what monogamy means - IMO it's all fairly pseudy as what matters is that you're both happy, doesn't it?

Softlysoftly Sat 03-Nov-12 14:00:44

Hectate, reading the last line leads me to believe she is not talking about her and DHs relationship, more about the matching or non matching of socks.

TheReturnOfBridezilla Sat 03-Nov-12 14:00:51

I have a similar outlook. I throw other partners into the mix regularly but I like to think that some days the original pair comes together again and reminisces about their shared origins and the good old days before parting respectfully again. grin

HecatePhosphorus Sat 03-Nov-12 14:02:07

oh, I'm going to have to go and find an easier thread, I just don't get things like this blush grin

HecatePhosphorus Sat 03-Nov-12 14:03:40

<cringe> and there was me answering all seriously and she is talking about pairs of socks!!!

I do this sort of stuff all the time. Totally miss the jokes! <sigh>

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 03-Nov-12 14:05:50

You're very nice, Hecate, I'm glad you posted because it hadn't occurred to me not to read it this way. blush I'm turning horrible, aren't I?

OP ... I dunno, really, do you think he minds that you feel differently? You don't sound especially bothered than he doesn't agree with you, but I suppose that goes naturally with your perspective. I agree with you btw, I don't believe in soul mates though I do think it's a lovely romantic idea.

I guess maybe he could use some reassurance that you don't love him any the less for not believing in soulmates - there's a big difference between thinking that lots of different people are compatible, and 'settling' or just not being very fussed.

Maybe it's a bit like the way you might think as a teenager that you only have the capacity to love a certain number of people, but then you realize as you go through life that you can actually love a huge number of people?

Softlysoftly Sat 03-Nov-12 14:05:57

But it was very insightful Hectate <<head tilt smile>>

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 03-Nov-12 14:06:16

As long as one of the pair doesn'twash sleep around too much and gets faded jaded. Then the original pair can never be reunited.

lovebunny Sat 03-Nov-12 14:07:47

i might have 20, or 40, i never count. but they are all the same. when i need to get rid of them i dispose of them all and start afresh. i don't tolerate any pickiness from them - they are interchangeable.

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