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I thought I was being helpful...

(74 Posts)
Dramajustfollowsme Sat 03-Nov-12 12:27:38

My dd is allergic to certain washing powders. This is the washing powder that my dmil uses. The last time my dd stayed overnight, she ended up with nasty hives on her face and hands.
Remembering this, I mentioned to mil that I would take over a sheet for dd's bed. (She doesnt need other bedding as she has her grobag)
Fil has just phoned and said that mil is deeply offended and would now prefer not to have her overnight. I honestly can't see why she is offended. I was trying to save her a hassle but also keep dd from having a reaction.
We will now have to cancel going to a friend's wedding as we can't get another sitter.

ChickenFillet Sat 03-Nov-12 12:29:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Numberlock Sat 03-Nov-12 12:30:04

Christ! And how PA to get her husband to ring. What has your husband said? Is the wedding no kids? Could you go on your own or your husband go alone, depending whose friend it is? I know that doesn't solve the problem but seems a shame to miss a wedding of a good friend.

MardyBra Sat 03-Nov-12 12:30:10

Have you explained his to mil? Maybe she as washed the sheets in a different powder and thinks you don't trust her. Breakdown in communication.?

GhostShip Sat 03-Nov-12 12:30:22

Sometimes I seriously question what universe we live in. 'deeply offended'? Seriously?
Have you explained the allergies? She's being ridiculous, missing out on time with her grand daughter for this hmm

bitsofmeworkjustfine Sat 03-Nov-12 12:31:13

she couldnt be that offendend over one instance. maybe this is a symptom of sometheing else

squoosh Sat 03-Nov-12 12:34:34

How rude of you not to allow your daughter to suffer with hives. Take a long hard look at yourself!

Your MIL sounds like a prize ARSE. Hurting your dd's feelings to make a pathetic point. And don't start me on the subject of grown women getting someone else to phone up to whinge and moan on their behalf. Argghh!

YuffieKisaragi Sat 03-Nov-12 12:37:45

No, your MIL is being ridiculous. Offended?! Fgs...

naturalbaby Sat 03-Nov-12 12:38:01

Your MIL sounds like she's missing a few key parts of the story.

Has this response/behaviour (from your MIL) come out of the blue or does she usually over react in such a dramatic fashion?

Dramajustfollowsme Sat 03-Nov-12 12:38:40

She knows that we think that the washing powder seems to be the cause but thinks we are wrong. "nobody in our family ever has such a reaction" confused
I did ask if she was still using persil before saying I'd take a sheet over. Just seems to be another chance for mil to be perceived to be wronged by me. hmm
Dh is going to go to the wedding and I'll stay home. It's his friend from uni. I was so looking forward to getting dressed up and catching up with old friends.

FromEsme Sat 03-Nov-12 12:42:56

As long as I live, I'll never understand other people.

"offended"? For fuck's sake.

Can you call her up and explain? You shouldn't have to, but it would be a pity to miss something you're looking forward to.

ChickenFillet Sat 03-Nov-12 12:43:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 03-Nov-12 12:43:23

Can't your DH talk to her about this? It seems absolutely ridiculous. But then again, I wouldn't want someone that unbalanced looking after my child anyway.

MadamFolly Sat 03-Nov-12 12:43:26

sad That you can't go to wedding, your MIL is being an arse.

squoosh Sat 03-Nov-12 12:44:33

A cynic might say that she leapt on an opportunity to put the kibosh on a night out that she knew you'd been looking forward to. . . . . .

SoleSource Sat 03-Nov-12 12:44:55

Maybe MIL has had enough.of you and this is tbe tip of tbe iceberg for her. How can we tell?

ChickenFillet Sat 03-Nov-12 12:46:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsRule Sat 03-Nov-12 12:56:10


Is there other control/trust issues between you?

Your plans aside, it still seems silly that a grown woman would be so childish and not see her gc over this...not to mention hurt her gc's feelings and wellbeing!

Could she or your fil (he obviously agrees or wouldn't have called on her behalf) have misunderstood something?

I'm struggling to see it from your inlaws point of view or even understand their thinking!

then again I have horrible inlaws

KnockKnockPenny Sat 03-Nov-12 13:11:54

Sole, even if the MIL has had enough of the op, that does not excuse her behaviour. What a bizarre response.

Floggingmolly Sat 03-Nov-12 13:25:04

You should have explained about the washing powder, rather than sending your own sheet!

saintlyjimjams Sat 03-Nov-12 13:26:07

Is she usually this much of an attention seeker a drama queen?

squoosh Sat 03-Nov-12 13:29:37

floggingmolly The op's MIL knows about the detergent allergy, she just chooses not to believe it.

squoosh Sat 03-Nov-12 13:30:56

She knows that we think that the washing powder seems to be the cause but thinks we are wrong. "nobody in our family ever has such a reaction". I did ask if she was still using persil before saying I'd take a sheet over.

Sparkletastic Sat 03-Nov-12 13:36:39

Has your DH spoken to her? How completely ridiculous of her.

LaCiccolina Sat 03-Nov-12 13:37:27

MIL are laws unto themselves. Mine is similar and would at the drop of the hat do the same in a theatrical manner, swoon or whatever. She is at times (read usually after a bottle or two of wine) a complete bitch of the first order. Something to do with Ms of boys? Are all ms of boys destined to turn into these insane women?!? Has anyone caught themselves turning into this??? (Am curious.....?)

I have no help just sympathy and the thought that you are not alone with mental mils..... xxx

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