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To tell friend people are laughing at her or not?

(57 Posts)
Whistlingwaves Sat 03-Nov-12 09:44:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bedmonster Sat 03-Nov-12 09:50:34

This could be about me. I would be mortified if anyone pointed it out. Your friend will know she's put weight on. Not sure what im saying really. You obviously care about her which is lovely but people can be very sensitive about their weight. Proceed with caution.

chunkythighs Sat 03-Nov-12 09:50:57

I'd tell the people laughing at your friend to shut the fuck up. Are these people on the cast of 'mean girls'?

bitsofmeworkjustfine Sat 03-Nov-12 09:52:27

leave her alone, she has enough people on her back without you joining in.

are you 12?

UndeadPixie Sat 03-Nov-12 09:53:33

Oh that's tough. She might be in denial over the weight gain? I wouldn't like people laughing at my friends but I would heave no clue what to do in your situation. Yanbu to care, but I think your friend would think you unreasonable to point it out.

Could you go shopping with her and gently guide her to some clothes in a bigger size that would flatter her?

frootshoots Sat 03-Nov-12 09:53:58

She's obviously in denial, so any mention of it will no doubt leave her feeling defensive and hurt.

She knows what she looks like, she has eyes, she will feel the struggle to get the zip up. Leave her be for now, no good ever comes of telling someone they're fat.

IslaValargeone Sat 03-Nov-12 09:57:14

Who is laughing at her, your friends? because if that's the case I'd be rethinking who I mixed with tbh, not pointing out she's fat.

Whistlingwaves Sat 03-Nov-12 10:04:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wtf1981 Sat 03-Nov-12 10:07:32

I think the 12 related to age rather than dress size. . .

Think the shopping idea is a good one.

And tell the so-called friends they're mean!

Whistlingwaves Sat 03-Nov-12 10:09:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrunchyFrog Sat 03-Nov-12 10:10:44

My sister does this, she's gone from an 8 to a 12 and looks bloody awful (skimpy revealing stuff anyway.) She looks great on the odd occasion that she wears clothes that fit her!

No way of saying if without causing hurt though, IMO.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Sat 03-Nov-12 10:11:31

Start by telling them not to be arseholes. It's up to your friend what she wears and what she looks like.

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 03-Nov-12 10:14:52

What SGB said.

I do feel for her though - that must be horrible.

EdithWeston Sat 03-Nov-12 10:20:53

Tbh, I'd be looking for different friends who don't spend so much time laughing at people's appearances.

GhostShip Sat 03-Nov-12 10:26:28

I'd be telling the people laughing at her to shut the fuck up, to start with.

In telling her, I think it depends on your relationship with her. Me and my mates can tell each other we look bloody awful and we wont be hurt, will remain friends and thank them for their honesty. But you and your friend could be different.

Is she buying the same size clothes or just simply wearing the ones she already has? If it's the latter money could be an issue.

lovebunny Sat 03-Nov-12 11:50:27

poor woman. how will knowing people are laughing at her make her feel any better?
who are these people who are laughing, anyway? how do you know they are laughing at her? do they share this with you? why do you accept that?
dont' say a word. ask her to come clothes shopping with you and deliberately (without telling her) try on some clothes that are too tight, as well as some the right size. ask her for comments on them all. hopefully she will notice that tight clothes don't look so good on you, and transfer that knowledge to her own situation.

BooyhooRemembering Sat 03-Nov-12 11:59:19

your friend is in denial. i know because i am doing the same thing. i have gone from a size 8 up to a size 12 but am still forcing myself into the smaller clothes. i have told myself tehre is no point getting rid of the clothes and spending money on bigger ones because i will be losing weight again. this may or may not happen but at the minute i am stuffing myself into the clothes and have bits poking out all over.

if you are a good friend you will be able to tell her without hurting her. if it was my friend, i know she would be honest with me and say "look, these clothes dont fit you and make you look bigger than you really are. lets go shopping and try on some stuff that will make you look so slim." it wouldn't be nice to have it pointed out but odds are your friend knows she doesn't fit these clothes she just wont accept that it's permanent. also, does she want to lose weight? could you support her in that?

BooyhooRemembering Sat 03-Nov-12 12:00:12

oh and please dont tell her she is being laughed at.

LucieMay Sat 03-Nov-12 12:01:30

As someone pointed out maybe she can't afford new clothes, I'm a yo yo dieter, I own clothes between size 10 and 20! It can get bloody expensive!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 03-Nov-12 12:03:10

I think the shopping trip is a good idea too.

Do not tell her people are laughing at her,certainly not if it's people from your social circle. She probably feels self conscious about the weight gain and it would destroy her confidence to know that I think. Is there any particular reason for the weight gain? Has she been ill/depressed?

bitsofmeworkjustfine Sat 03-Nov-12 12:03:57

i didnt mean are you a size 12 i menat are you age 12!

FreePeaceSweet Sat 03-Nov-12 12:05:32

Leave your friend alone. Tell those bitches in the sweetest possible way to pull their lips over their heads and swallow. Why would you want to pass on the nasty musings of some twatty bullies? Your friend won't thank you for it. She is entitled to dress as she likes.

bitsofmeworkjustfine Sat 03-Nov-12 12:06:05

just because you would be upset doesnt mean she will be,

Ignorance is bliss.

You will be the one that hurts her because you told her. Have you watched Shallow Hal?

IDrankAllTheGravy Sat 03-Nov-12 12:09:06

I hate threads like this.

OP: I'm worried about my friend regarding a weight/looks issue

Response: oh my god you're such a bitch! Are you 12? hmm How dare you want to help your friend out? You must leave her in denial and never tell her the truth!

If I was you OP I would tell your friend her clothes are too tight. Obviously say it as nicely as possible, but honesty is just about always the best policy.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 03-Nov-12 12:15:51

If she looks dreadful than tell her - no one wants to go out looking like a sack of shit hmm You don't have to be nasty about it, one of those vague conversations about manufacturers skimping on material and how items are cut smaller would salavage her dignity. Or the good old trick of buying a size bigger and everyone tells you that you have lost weight.

I have a friend who pours herself into a size 12 when she has awful weight fluctuations but will not admit she is a 14 or 16 at present. I just tell her it's time to get the other wardrobe out.

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