AIBU re DHs sodding button!(59 Posts)
Ok I know I am a little but not as UR as him!
DH is sulking with me since last night because I wouldn't sow a button on his coat for him. Now first of all I know it sounds petty but there is a little back story!
Last time this happened, he asked me to do it and I asked why he couldn't do it himself? He replied that 'he didn't know how to'. Now this is a personal bug bear of mine. I don't think it's acceptable excuse for a 35 year old to think not knowing how to do something basic is a reason to get away with not doing it. And he does it all the time. Don't know how to use washing machine, Internet banking, sew a button. Well find out and next time you'll know.
So we agreed last time that I would show him how to do it and then he could do it next time. Fine. Until last night when the button fell of his coat. He comes home and asks me to fix it. I say no, explain why and offer to help him. He gets pissed off. Accuses me of being mean and selfish. Stops talking to me. I go off to bed in a bit of a strop (childish I know but I wasn't going o sit up to be sulked at especially when I only stay up late to keep him company).
Meant to be going out with friends tonight. Said he wasn't coming. I said fine whatever he wants. Finally says he is going but as long as I know he is still pissed off . I asked how long he'll be sulking for? He said he's sure it will wear off eventually or if I admit I was wrong.
I'm NOT wrong. I'm not backing down he can sew on his own fucking button!
YANBU. Do not, under any circumstances, sew on the button.
well the button thing is obviously not the point really is it? Its the "he does it al lthe time" bit which is making you cross.
But, to be fair, people only tend to get away with not doing things if they are allowed to by their partners. However, for you both to be stomping off and sulking because of a button is just childish really. You need to communicate better over everything by the sounds of it.
I think you're being a bit U to be honest. I know how to bleed a radiator as DH showed me once so that I could do it if I ever needed to, but if one needs doing he will do it, as he can do it loads quicker than I can. I'm better at DIY type things so although I got him to watch when I changed a light fixture, I wouldn't presume that meant he was doing them from now on.
Not knowing how to use a washing machine is stupid, but you haven't stopped washing his clothes presumably? Why is this any different?
I know, I know. He did get away with not doing things. Not because he wouldn't but because I was a SAHM and he works long hours. So I figured out the new washing machine, did the budgets etc. TBF I gave him a good dressing down on the 'I don't know how do excuse' a while ago and he's a lot better since. He just feels I should do his as a favour as we are a team etc..
As for communication, when he is one of these strops there is no talking to him. He won't talk, gets more annoyed if I try do. Just withdraws and answers in one word replies.
I get why you're pissed off with the sulking and stuff but to be honest, it would have taken you two minutes to sew the button on. Could you not just have done it for him to be nice? So I think YWBU to start with but now HIBU
My dh does me "a favour" by sewing on buttons since I am crap at it.
Whats wrong with favours?
YANBU, I'd have been pissed off too. Even if he really had no idea how to operate a needle (!) that still doesn't make it your responsibilty to do it for him. YWBa bit U to have stropped at him, but tbf, I can completely understand why you did.
<disclaimer> I do have a biased opinion on this as DH pulled crap like this for a few years. He doesn't anymore. If he doesn't know how to do something, he will ask me how, but will expect to still do whatever himself. That's beacuse he's a grown man, he's capable of looking after himself, and he's well aware that I am not his mother, skivvy, or slave.
Can you make up and show him how to sew the button on tomorrow?
Doesn't seem worth a major drama over really.
If he needs to wear it tonight,then tbh if he's rushed or had a shit day or the timing isn't right for a lesson in sewing on buttons,I would do it,and show him next time.
To me it's just helping each other out with things - so long as he reciprocates.
I taught myself aged 8 how to sew on a button, it's hardly rocket science. Why can't he figure it out for himself? Ah yes, because you "showing" him would mean you sitting there and doing it and him pretending to watch.
I have a DP like this too. Pisses me right off.
The difference is he now puts on washes if he's around and I need him to.
It annoyed me because despite agreeing to he didn't even bother trying. He just wanted me to do it while he sat on the couch watching TV. Its not like I'm an expert I probably sew on two buttons a year. I can't imagine he's worse than me. I think from now on he should be able to sew on his own buttons since he's been shown how to.
To be clear I am not fighting with him. I was a bit pissed off last night but I said this morning that I shouldn't have stropped off. I am just not sewing on his fucking button.
My dh has exhaustively and patiently explained to me which is the correct drill bit to use.He has helped me,shown me and encouraged me in every way.But I still seem completely incapable of any usefulness with a drill.
So he does drill stuff cos he's my mate.
I cut and put up the girls hair as despite his
sad best attempts he's cack at it,despite me trying to show him.
We all have strengths and weaknesses.
Try to teach him some of your skills when he's receptive.I know I wouldn't fancy my dh coming to me now while I'm happily on mumsnet to show me how to put the light up I want doing.
Find a video on YouTube that teaches how to sew on a button, I bet there are loads.
Or, sew on the button with bright pink thread.
I'd do it, only because there are many thing he can do (and he's shown me many times how) that I don't do and I ask him to do, like change a tire, change my car oil, mow the grass, paint the house, mop the kitchen floor. All things I would do for myself if her weren't here.
Life is about give and take, I do things for him and he does things for me.
You only get out of marriage as much as you put in, if you both put in 100% it can be great.
verysmallsqueak he didn't even try though. He made no effort. That's what annoys me.
There's a big difference between "I'm better at x job, you're better at y, so I'll do your x if you do my y" and "i can't, you do it" all the fecking time!
I put dp's dinner on the table every night and do the bulk of the housework and laundry. Because i want to, and am unemployed, and PidjChick isn't due for another month. Once upon a time, he worked from home (1st 2 years of our 3 years living together) and i came home to dinner on the table and clean clothes in the wardrobe.
I would sew on a button "for" my dp, because he hoovers "for" me. If i felt unappreciated, as the OP clearly does, I'd tell him to bloody well do it himself!
californialeaving we do a lot for each other. My point is he won't even try to do it. If he can't or won't do something for me ill do it myself. He'll have a few days sulk.
Put one of these in his Xmas stocking or get him to order one
I have found that many men can't bear not being able to do something. If he has enormous hands and fingers, then he probably will be no good at the fine motor actions and not be able to hold the fine needle, or the button or be able to see it if his enormous ( manly) finger hides it.
I love a man with large hands, and my DH was really good at DIY, but got really frustrated when his hand was too big to get into this hole in the wall and pull the electric wire out of it. His whole body language was full of " failure" that he had to ask me with my small dainty hand to do it for him.
But in the army men are expected to be able to sew a button on,*digerd*.
He must be very embarrassed not to be able to sew a button at aged 35, he should be.
I have found that many men can't bear not being able to do something
get over it and learn, like everyone else.
everything we do we have learnt, if you missed a class, ask, find out and do it.
YA absolutely NBU!
I do not believe that sewing on a button is beyond the wit of man. "I don't know how" is just like "You do it so much better." It's just a socially acceptable way of expecting your partner to do more work and have less leisure time than you.
It's not the button that would annoy me, but the sulking. That's why you can't now back down and sew it on, because then he'll sulk every time in order to get his own way.
Does it sound like I'm talking about a toddler at all?
I'd massively take the piss out of him in front of friends this evening, if my husband had done this. I do sew buttons on for him, by the way, but it's because I offer and I'm better at it, not because he sulks if I don't.
"If he has enormous hands and fingers, then he probably will be no good at the fine motor actions and not be able to hold the fine needle"
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did you fall for that line?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.