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To give him 6 months to show some commitment?

(62 Posts)
Nights Fri 02-Nov-12 17:23:29

Basically, I'm mid 30s, never been married. I have a career, friends, money and social life so I don't NEED a man - I simply want to be in a strong, committed relationship - it's just something in life I want. I want marriage.

Anyway, been with a guy 4 months. He's great, we have loads in common and do loads of fun stuff together. He's told me he loves me and has mentioned about me meeting his family but has so far not pulled this off - fair enough, we've only been together 4 months.

But I do want some sign of commitment soon - I'm scared of wasting anymore time on someone that will never commit. By January, we will have been together 6 months. AIBU to give him until then to show some commitment or re-evaluate the relationship or am I being way too harsh?

Dozer Fri 02-Nov-12 17:25:32

4 months is not long IMO.

lucyellenmum Fri 02-Nov-12 17:26:55

errr - you have been together 4 months,thats like, 12 weeks, thats really not very long - how can you decide that he is the one for you after such a short time. The thing is, you don't sound like you are in love with him - you sound like you just want a husband, like a list of things you are ticking off. I think the fact that you feel like this tells me that he is not the "One" Sorry

katiecubs Fri 02-Nov-12 17:27:34

Yep it's not very long but i guess when in your mid 30's it seems longer.

What sort of commitment are you looking for? If it's just meeting the parents then i guess that's reasonable. Have you discussed the future at all? i.e moving in together or anything like that.

PurplePidjin Fri 02-Nov-12 17:27:38

What have you done to show him you're committed?

Megatron Fri 02-Nov-12 17:29:13

Way too harsh. You've only been together 4 months and presumably don't live together so it's not a very long time to get to know someone and if you want to commit to them. Do you actually want to marry him or just someone?

NervousAt20 Fri 02-Nov-12 17:29:30

Sorry but I think YABU. 4months is not long, just enjoy your relationship for now and let things progress naturally

MooncupGoddess Fri 02-Nov-12 17:30:52

Gosh, you sound a bit scary. It really does take a while to get to know someone, in my experience. Presumably you have met his friends?

Nights Fri 02-Nov-12 17:31:14

I want to marry him. I love him and we have discussed moving in together at some point but I know what people are like for being all talk.

Basically, I love him and want to be with HIM - but if he's never going to commit, I'd rather let him go before investing too much time and emotion.

Dozer Fri 02-Nov-12 17:34:04

How long have you known him?

Is your concern your fertility?

Megatron Fri 02-Nov-12 17:34:33

You need to give him a chance! He may well want to marry you but not feel comfortable talking about it just yet. If you come on so strong you might scare a perfectly good fella away.

missymoomoomee Fri 02-Nov-12 17:34:35

YABVU and clingy, 4 months is no time at all. What exactly is it you want him to do? Propose? Get you pregnant? Get a mortgage with you?

expatinscotland Fri 02-Nov-12 17:36:04

YABU. You sound a bit desperate. Do you want children? Because you can have children on your own and then maybe you won't be in such a hurry to marry, perhaps.

Pancakeflipper Fri 02-Nov-12 17:36:58

Can you not enjoy this relationship? You say you don't need a man then want commitment by 6 months. Don't kill this relationship by only focusing on the future.

WofflingOn Fri 02-Nov-12 17:37:34

You sound terrifying, I'd let him know how you feel Right Now and give him an ultimatum of a ring by January or it's all over.
Then he can decide whether to stay or run like hell.

PeshwariNaan Fri 02-Nov-12 17:37:34

YABU - you're being a bit harsh. He's told you he loves you and wants you to meet his family - what more do you want? A proposal before 6 months? Chill out a bit and if it's right, it will happen.

katiecubs Fri 02-Nov-12 17:38:40

Why not propose to him and see what he says?

WofflingOn Fri 02-Nov-12 17:38:58

How many long-term relationships have you had, and what happened to them?

motherinferior Fri 02-Nov-12 17:41:07

Well, actually, I think that if you want a long-term committed relationship with kids in it, mid-30s is often a time of thinking 'OK, let's get on with it'.

I say this as someone who got up the duff within six months of meeting the present Mr Inferior.

motherinferior Fri 02-Nov-12 17:42:13

It is bloody hard to decide you're going to have kids on your own. My sister did it; I felt it wasn't for me. I wanted a partner to have kids with. So shoot me <shrugs> I'd had enough of being messed around.

Nancy66 Fri 02-Nov-12 17:43:48

I agree that once the clock is ticking you can't waste time on people who aren't looking for the same thing as you.

However, four months is way too soon to be thinking this way.

expatinscotland Fri 02-Nov-12 17:44:09

No, I realise it's hard to chose to go it alone. I considered it myself. But if it's a matter of having children alone or never having them, I was willing to go for it.

Again, the OP has not stated she wants children, but she does want marriage.

Why not propose to him, OP? Or ask him to move in?

Viviennemary Fri 02-Nov-12 17:44:52

I was ready to say yes. But you have only known him four months which isn't very long at all. Give him a year I'd say.

Viviennemary Fri 02-Nov-12 17:45:32

Don't tell him that. (I meant to add) Because that sounds very desperate.

Onemoreforgoodmeasure Fri 02-Nov-12 17:46:41

4 months? A blink in the eye of time! Certainly not (necessarily) long enough. For me it would be a two year minimum before I made any real commitment, aside from exclusivity of course!

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