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about this meet up?

(36 Posts)
whatatwat Fri 02-Nov-12 12:56:54

meant to meet a friend today with all our kids, mine 13ds, 8dd, 5ds, and her 11ds and 7ds. were going swimming and then for lunch.
i called her this morning to check when we were meeting and she dropped in that her friend F was going to tag along with her kids, who are 7ds and 3 ds.
now i know this woman but have spent afternoons with her and spent 5 or 6 trips out with her and when i have been with her her kids are a bloody nightmare.
they scream, fight and run about where ever you are, cinema, resturant, library etc, they pay no attention to her, they are rude to everyone and are serious hard work, some times she try's to calm them down, but mostly she puts it down to boys being boys. they break toys and she doesnt bloody appologise, they rip books and she says they are spirited.
i got off the phone and said to my eldest 2 that these kids were going, my eldest said, ''well then i'm not'' i asked why and he said they drove him mad, they try to treat him like a big climbing frame and she treats him like a childminder, asking him to run about after them, take them to the loo etc. and he just doesn't want to.
dd then said, i don't wanna go either, as she is then the only girl and the 2 boys who are roughly her age are just nasty to her, wont let her join in etc.
so i called my friend back and said i would rain check that something had popped up. she questioned me, and i said that my eldest 2 didn't want to have to spend the day with these kids.
then friend went mental, how my kids were being cheeky and rude and how i was being prescious and nasty. she also said that i am letting down my kids and being rotten to hers.
i said i wasn't changing my mind and that basically it was tough, i was putting my kids first.
so was i out of order?

happyinherts Fri 02-Nov-12 13:00:45

No, I dont think you were out of order.

She didn't ask your opinion or permission before inviting her other friend along too and your children are old enough to express their opinions being as it's day out for their benefit.

Leave it - she'll come round when she thinks about it and if she doesn't then she really isn't a friend.

kige Fri 02-Nov-12 13:01:24


Rude of her to invite another person without checking.

She sounds like a shit friend anyway, accusing you of letting your kids down and being nasty etc. nobody would get away with speaking to me like that - I'd ditch them instantly.

Sparklingbrook Fri 02-Nov-12 13:02:21

I think you did the right thing. I have a DS who is 13 wink Your friend should understand TBH.

katiecubs Fri 02-Nov-12 13:02:27

No don't see why they should have to go to something they don't want to. did you expalin the reasons why?

KenLeeeeeee Fri 02-Nov-12 13:02:30

YANBU to cancel because your kids didn't want to go, and she WBVU to lash out at you like that.

whatatwat Fri 02-Nov-12 13:04:11

i think she lashed out cause she then reaslised that my eldest wouldnt be there to referee and my dd wouldnt be there to inject a bit of girlness and calm to the day.
she actually said that my ds should be happy that people trust him wiht their kids...erm..not really the way you see things at 13.

Chasedbyzombiebees Fri 02-Nov-12 13:04:50

YWNBU at all. V rude of her to invite someone else without checking.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 02-Nov-12 13:05:13

She was the one that changed the dynamics of the day wasn't she.

Good for you, telling her why you weren't going.


She is.

5Foot5 Fri 02-Nov-12 13:05:35

Not at all! Your friend sounds a bit of a loon. Leave her and friend F to enjoy bitching about you and you and your kids enjoy your day

Pixieonthemoor Fri 02-Nov-12 13:07:25

Not unreasonable at all!! What was going to be a lovely day out would have been ruined by these other two children. It was rude of your friend to just invite them along and her reaction to you was outrageous! Well, let her spend the day in the company of these two nightmares and then perhaps she'll think again!!

Hope you have a lovely day, just you and your dc's!

EldritchCleavage Fri 02-Nov-12 13:09:16

I think you are perfectly entitled to opt out of an arrangement changed without notice if it doesn't suit you any longer. Friend 1's reaction was spectacularly rude.

Sounds to me as though friend 1 finds friend 2's children a bit much unless she has your kids along to ease the way, and she is now cross that she and her children will have to deal with the whole onslaught by themselves.

A friend of mine has younger children than I have, and treated my DD like a babysitter when we were all together. DD hated it (she doesn't mind babysitting when she's asked, but not when it's assumed she'll do all the trips to the loo, bottom wiping, answering the interminable questions etc while the adults are sitting happily over a cuppa)

So now I meet the friend on child free occasions (and if it's in her house, DD usually finds she has to meet a friend that day...) wink

So YANBU at all - and I wonder if your friend's reaction/overreaction is because she knows she's being unreasonable about expecting your DS to referee, and is attacking because she feels defensive?!

freddiefrog Fri 02-Nov-12 13:12:08


I have a friend like that, she has 6 under 6 and they are wild. She doesn't discipline them at all, but expects my 11 year old DD to babysit them while she sits chatting. She got snotty with my DD few months ago after one of hers had covered themselves in poster paint as my DD 'should have been watching her'.

We had words and we haven't socialised with the kids in tow since

whatatwat Fri 02-Nov-12 13:17:32

freddie, we had a situation like that, her boys started fighting, she wanted my eldest to seperate them. he said no. she thought he sould do as he was told. i told her that they were not his problem. she was not impressed.

freddiefrog Fri 02-Nov-12 13:23:49

I just noticed I wrote 6 under 6, should have been 4 under 6

bumpybecky Fri 02-Nov-12 13:32:04


I've got 4dc, 14,12,8 and 4 so similar ages and it is absolutely not on to expect the teenager to be responsible for younger ones like that. It's one thing if the teenager volunteers for the role, quite another to expect it.

akaemmafrost Fri 02-Nov-12 13:36:19

YANBU at all. I think it's fab you listen to your kids like that too. I never had a say in anything as a child no matter how directly affected, it's rubbish and I wished my childhood away wanting to grow up and choose for myself.

Groovee Fri 02-Nov-12 13:42:18

I have a friend who gets stroppy when my dd isn't here when she "drops in" as she expects dd to entertain her 7 year old and the 7 year old then strops and is rude to everyone as she wants my dd's full attention.

I rarely see her now as it's too much work.

whatatwat Fri 02-Nov-12 17:38:50

friend has just rang me to tell me that us ''refusing'' to go ruinned the whole day.
apparenlty they had to cancel swimming as F cant manage her boys in the pool, they had been counting on my ds to watch one of the boys while she had the other!!!!!!!!!!!!
the fucking cheek of the pair of them.
i told her that there was no way my ds was being given that responsibility for his own brother or sister, never mind anyone elses kids. he is 13 ffs.
she said i was a hypocrite beacuse i let him watch my children. and that i didnt understand what it was like to have 2 children. i pointed out that he watches them in the house, when im in, or if i have to take one to something and its a case of waiting for the oh to come home for the 10 min change over. and that im pretty sure i know what its like to have 2 kids when i have 3 of my fucking own.
oh well. 1 friend down.

IslaValargeone Fri 02-Nov-12 17:43:08

You are well rid.

MissWinklyParadiso Fri 02-Nov-12 17:47:07

You are well shot of that woman. Stropping because you refused to let her awful friend use your son as an unpaid babysitter. And well done you for listening to your children and not just shafting them with the crap jobs. You sound very reasonable and like a lovely mummy. Hope you had a nice day.

NettoSpookerstar Fri 02-Nov-12 17:48:37

Not one friend down at all, one rude user!

whatatwat Fri 02-Nov-12 17:50:48

we had the lazyist day in the world, and loved it.

UndeadPixie Fri 02-Nov-12 17:53:02

shock Love the "that i didnt understand what it was like to have 2 children" comment hmm

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