to feel completely out of any gumption at all?(4 Posts)
Times are hard, but not actually as hard as they have been for us...
Redundancy hit us hard about 5 years ago. We moved out of London fast into a lovely-but-not-us rural village in Hampshire buying an uninspiring house but one that we could afford, the idea was to regroup and find our feet again.
DH is a very very talented creative. Jobs in his sector were zapped by the recession and quite frankly I have had a very unhappy man in my face for about 3/4 years now. Our relationship is actually very good, we are both creative (I am an Artist) and prior to having children I had my own gallery in London, we were both at the top of our trees. I am the starter all the time.
Over the past years, DH has put up marquees for a living, (albeit only for a couple of weeks and he has worked doing any job in his industry he can find) we have scrimped and saved, had awful awful times and ok times., we have made it work. The children are fine and we are a tight little unit.
At the end of last year, I had the sparky idea to start our own consultancy specialising in doing what DH does. Thankfully its gone down a storm and we are busy. I have organised all the web side of things and also managed DH around and through his jobs. In what he actually does I have absolutely no fault, he is very talented and very competent indeed...its just that I have to manage him constantly.
The thing is now though that I am on the floor inside. I lack company of like-minded people, I can't paint or produce any work as DH now has my studio to work in (we needed somewhere for him to go as it was driving me bonkers being together all the time) I am in the middle of nowhere, no car, babes both at school and (most importantly) absolutely no inspiration to move on in my own career.
Recently, one of my all time best friends has become terminally ill and of course this has been a massively hard knock to deal with.
So...that said...I have absolutely no idea where I am going, or how to choose what the frig to do next for me...
couple of points: we are looking to move soon to a bigger town and I am already on the happy pills!
Any and all advice most welcome..
I'm going to try and ignore the smug elements of your post (Artist with a capital A, your 'sparky' idea among other things), because it's no fun feeling depressed (if that's what you mean by taking 'happy pills). And I'm so sorry about your friend.
Things sound like they are on the up and you are making all the right moves - moving to a town, business on track, seeing doctor to get help. You are in a much better position than most, so try to see the positives and hang on in there.
Re like minded people, have you actually made an effort to make friends, do you want to make friends or have you told yourself no-one is like you and written them off?
What is it you really want to do? Paint again? And if so in what context and for what end? Have you discussed this fully with your dh.
OP you need a creative project on the go...as a writer I know I feel utterly at sea without a current project or two (or six ).
Even on the days when I'm not working on my projects, I know they are there, like a friend, just waiting for me. Often when I'm doing somehting unrelated, ideas pertaining to the projects come to me and it feels so good.
Do you have anyhting in mind you've been playing with?
Ooh proud and scary...that is one thing that I have never ever felt...smug...love the idea of it though...
Am going for a reread...
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