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AIBU to be annoyed at the numerous 'treats' people keep wanting to give my daughter?

(37 Posts)
bettyspaghetti33 Thu 01-Nov-12 22:49:29

Ok so my daughter is now just under 2 years old and since we started weaning her onto solid foods at 6 months old I've been careful to try and keep her diet as healthy as possible with as few sugary or junk foods as possible bar the occasional treat. What I can say is so far so good, she seems to love her meals, she eats virtually all the fruit and veg we give her and hardly ever refuses something in favour for something else. It just gets on my nerves when we're out and we meet friends, sometimes childless, sometimes with kids the same age, who always want to provide my DD with treats. These things may be half a bar of chocolate or some sweets, and what really riles me is when people try to give her stuff without asking me first like its ok to offer it to her because she's a small child and they want to spoil her. In these situations I usually tell them that I don't give her regular treats and would rather they didn't offer her anything as I'm trying to bring her up to eat healthily to which I get surprised and sometimes even offended comments about my treatment of her. Am I being unreasonable to expect people to understand this?

Sirzy Thu 01-Nov-12 22:53:43

They should always ask first but really is it a big problem is she has half a bar of chocolate when she is out sometimes? It's not going to suddenly stop her from eating everything else.

A healthy diet has everything in moderation.

VintageRainBoots Thu 01-Nov-12 22:56:31

My daughter acquired three pounds of candy last night from trick-or-treating (her first trick-or-treating).

We're going to have to hide the bucket of candy so that I she doesn't eat it all at once.

PinkFairyDust Thu 01-Nov-12 22:56:58

That's great and all, but you do realise when she does to school she will more likely binge on that Kind of thing because she can't get it at home

RawShark Thu 01-Nov-12 22:58:50

When we are out I let people give DS treats (within reason). It's not regular enough to be a health issue.
WHen we're at home he doesn't have much sweet stuff and eats mostly what I give him as I am not provider of treats.
So I think you are worrying too much about it tbh

SavoyCabbage Thu 01-Nov-12 22:59:49

She's only one though. There will be many things she will be exposed to at school but it doesn't mean she has to be doing them when she's one!

MrsKeithRichards Thu 01-Nov-12 23:00:34

Unless she's bein given 35 treats a day, yabu.

radicalsubstitution Thu 01-Nov-12 23:02:19

YANBU to expect people to ask permission - no-one but you knows what food allergies/intolerances your child may have.

But.......where does this end?

A very wise friend of mine once commented that you could always tell the children at birthday parties who weren't allowed sweets at home. They were the ones who would stuff chocolate and cakes into their mouths as if it was some kind of rare commodity. Will you be with DC at every party?

DH is a proof of this. As a child he was only allowed to watch 'educational' TV - and only on a black and white portalbe. When I first met him as a student he had the TV on literally all the time. I joke that he would have watched the test card (if you are old enough to remember it).

LimeLeafLizard Thu 01-Nov-12 23:03:01

YANBU - your child, your rules, and they should check before giving them.

I think you might find you want to relax your rules a little as she gets older - but that should be done when you / her Dad think she is ready for sweets.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 01-Nov-12 23:04:17

It's really hard. DD rarely has sweets or chocolate. We don't have any in the house and I cook fresh. She eats everything and is great with food. We had guests recently and for three days there was chocolate in the house, I have never heard her learn a word more quickly. It is so difficult. Do you limit it then have her obsessed or give her loads and then maybe she will start to refuse broccoli?

Sirzy Thu 01-Nov-12 23:07:07

I think you just have to make sure things don't become the forbidden fruit. Ds is nearly 3 and the majority of the time would pick fruit over chocolate so the times he wants chocolate he can normally have it.

If you turn it into something exciting and not normally allowed they will want it more

marriedinwhite Thu 01-Nov-12 23:08:53

I think you are teaching her to refuse gifts given with kindness with exceptionally poor grace.

FWIW my DH and his sisters were brought up on strictly rationed, counted out sweets. To this day I find secret Mars bar wrappers in DH's pockets (he's type II diabetic) and his sisters have compensated since their childhoods and would rather eat a treat in secret than share it. They are also both overweight.

I grew up with open access to cupboards full of sweets and couldn't give two hoots if I never saw a sweet again.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 01-Nov-12 23:12:22

I just never understand why in a normal house there would be, cupboards full of sweets. I'm not going to count out sweets but why can't children be offered, most of the time, healthy food? We don't currently have in the house... crisps, sweets, chocolate or biscuits. Am I weird?

bettyspaghetti33 Thu 01-Nov-12 23:12:27

Well it's not like my DD never has any treats at all. We do give her bits of homemade cake and biscuits from time to time and she is allowed to have the odd sweet drink or bit of chocolate. I suppose my point is that other people seem to think it is their right to spoil her and give her anything they want.

blackeyedsusan Thu 01-Nov-12 23:13:05

dd rarely has treats at home (egg allergy cuts out a lot of cake) at birthday parties she still eats the cucumber/tomatoes/grapes and strawberries and has actually on occasions picked the fruit option instead of the biscuit option when offered at home shock i wonder if she is the exception that proves the rule?

I, on the other hand, ate loads of sweets as a teenager and got several fillings. I am expecting a bit of a rebellion later, though I will try and persuade her to clean her teeth at least.

ds is much more normal in his desire for sweet things and gets treats occasionally, usually when i need to keep him quiet grin... mind you he does have his odd moments... he is quite happy to be bribed to silence with carrot sticks...

Fakebook Thu 01-Nov-12 23:14:43

I gave DS some chocolate the other day and then he started crying for more (aged 9 months). Had to distract him to make him forget it! I don't think a little taste here and there matters much. Babies forget everything.

blackeyedsusan Thu 01-Nov-12 23:15:09

they should ask first. giving dd cake would make her very poorly. some biscuits would too.

DaveMccave Thu 01-Nov-12 23:19:48

I was the same with my DD who is now 5. She still is a great eater. (she started to occasionally refuse things once she started nursery, where they did regular tasting sessions and she started to say vegetables were 'discusting' even though she still ate them! So it was definitely learnt)

She has packed lunches at school, has not been teased (as far as I'm aware) the other children try her olives and raw vegetables and other kids have been known to ask their parents for them.
She never expects a pudding, she gets really excited about fruit etc unlike other kids I know who expect junky puddings each day and turn their noses up at fruit now they are older, all the same kids who's parents told me that pudding wouldn't do my kid any harm. I used to be called cruel regularly. She's been ill about once a year her whole life though, I don't know if that's coincidence, but I do think too much refined sugar lowers the immune system.

I admit, in the last year I have become a lot more lax, particularly on weekends, but she still eats considerably more healthy than her peers.

People don't do it because they don't care about your childs health though, just because they haven't educated themselves on adequate nutrition, they have been fed lies by advertising from food companies etc They want her to enjoy it without realising she'd benefit from and enjoy fruit just as equally. I found it easier just to say she didn't like chocolate or aspartame gave her a bit of a rash or something so as not to offend. People always asked me, but it was the fact they asked me in front of her so when she was old enough to understand it was difficult to say no. (hence why I'm more lax these days).

usualsuspect3 Thu 01-Nov-12 23:22:25

Then they get to teenagers and spend their lunch money on junk anyway.

SavoyCabbage Thu 01-Nov-12 23:23:27

Me too Dave. My oldest is almost nine and she can take or leave chocolate, sweets etc. Both mi dc have a tupperware box full of sweets that they put their sweets form parties etc in and they are allowed to eat them whenever they want without asking and they don't really bother. They would beat you to death for a mango though.

HipHopOpotomus Thu 01-Nov-12 23:26:12

My 18 month old dd2 was given sweets last night. I just smile and say thank you, she can save it till she's 2 grin

They are wrapped and she plays with the packet until I can smuggle it away or she moves on from it.

HipHopOpotomus Thu 01-Nov-12 23:27:31

Dd1 got loads trick or treating but she's very good with them. They will last months.

DaveMccave Thu 01-Nov-12 23:31:27

It's a classic response that those who are deprived will become obsessed and I don't think it's true. Yes my DD has a sweet tooth, I think nearly all kids do, and bloody hell she will whine for sweets in shops. But at parties she is usually the only one who picks the treats in moderation and knows she has to eat a bit of healthy or savory first, which is certainly not what I see other children doing. She knows that if she's good when we nip to the shop she can pick a piece of fruit from the greengrocers and she is just as excited about that as when she gets chocolate.

I don't even see other parents guide their children towards a piece of cucumber or watch how much they are piling on to their plates at parties. I'm always a bit shocked at how much people let their kids waste at parties tbh too.

marriedinwhite Thu 01-Nov-12 23:32:26

There were cupboards full of sweets Mrs TP because visitors brought them for me and because nobody every made an issue of it and I could help myself when I wanted, the stash just grew because it wasn't forbidden fruit.

Admittedly my DC like sweets more than I did but even though they are 18 and 14.5 now if I bring home a packet of sweets whichever one lands on them first carefully divides them between two bowls - I find it quite sweet that one would never hog the other's share. DH and his sisters lived in such a rationed environment that their mother used to have to write their names on their selection box contents to prevent ructions.

usualsuspect3 Thu 01-Nov-12 23:33:33

Well done you, Dave.

You win the smug MN parenting award.

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