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To say something to my friend?

(16 Posts)
shriekingnora Thu 01-Nov-12 13:26:12

She took two of my DC in her car this week. Drove them for an hour and a half each way to an event.

So far, so good. Until I discover that she had 5 kids in the car with her as she had miscounted. One of mine is still small enough to need a booster and was sharing a seatbelt with another child and had no booster.

I genuinely don't know if I should say something - they are moving soon and it is unlikely to happen again but I worry about her children as well. If she had asked I would have happily have lent her my 7 seater.

Would I be unreasonable to mention that I would have lent her my car? And that it is bloody dangerous not to restrain children properly in the car?

Euphemiaaaarrrrgggghhhh Thu 01-Nov-12 13:27:45

I would have happily have lent her my 7 seater

So you'd rather she drove a car uninsured? confused

Onlyaphase Thu 01-Nov-12 13:29:08

I would say something to her. Although I'd have difficulty keeping my temper whilst I did it.

Even if the situation isn't going to arise again with you, she needs to know that other parents wouldn't be happy with this.

Onlyaphase Thu 01-Nov-12 13:30:00

My car insurance allows other adults to drive my car provided I've given them permission, so insurance might not have been an issue

shriekingnora Thu 01-Nov-12 13:31:41

Definitely not to drive uninsured. That would be silly. My policy would have covered her but would have been prepared to pay anyway.

Not sure how to word it, really. Have spoken to another parent (who brought it up with me) and they are also very upset.

FreudianLisp Thu 01-Nov-12 13:31:53

I would have been furious. That's so dangerous. A relatively minor accident could become a tragedy in those circumstances.

SoleSource Thu 01-Nov-12 13:32:09

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

EdsRedeemingQualities Thu 01-Nov-12 13:34:26

No, I wouldn't. Perhaps she realised too late and thought you would be angry if she backed out - we've done some odd configurations with 4 children and 2 grown ups before, but still, I'd be uncomfortable about doing it without consulting the other parent - I imagine she realises it was far from ideal but didn't want to let you down.

Putting children at risk though is not the answer - I just think, speaking to her about it in a confrontational way might not do any good iyswim, if it's unlikely to happen with your kids again.

sooperdooper Thu 01-Nov-12 13:37:29

If she's got fully comp insurance she would probably be insured to drive any car third party, I'd mention it to her so another time she thinks about it

shriekingnora Thu 01-Nov-12 13:39:32

Solesource - eh? What are you talking about?

Absolutely agree Eds - confrontation unhelpful. I might just say if she's ever stuck again she can borrow my car. If she had checked with me I would have had the chance to say 'I'm not happy with that, but why don't you borrow my car'.

WileyRoadRunner Thu 01-Nov-12 13:41:42

Solesource - have we missed something juicy, what confession?

OP it's too late to say something now but if your friend will be ferrying your children anywhere again when the time arrives I would double check travel arrangements. It is unacceptable to travel with somebody else's child not restrained in the proper manner.

MardyBra Thu 01-Nov-12 13:42:41

How can someone not be able to count up to five children?

I think I would mention it. Are you likely to stay in contact once she moves?

vampirestakeknickers Thu 01-Nov-12 13:44:31

I ended up needing one more seatbelt than I had to move some children around a while ago. I couldn't get hold of the other mother, no mobile reception. But this was short, 5 minute run, over private country estate roads where no-one can do more than about 20 due to the potholes, not long trek.So I made two of my own share a seatbelt and drove even more slowly than usual. I would be livid if I found that a 'friend' had been so cavalier with my children's lives while fully protecting her own.

shriekingnora Thu 01-Nov-12 13:46:43

I think i know what solesource means. I posted on another thread that I pretended to be unable to fit the car seat for six years so I wouldn't have to do it. I actually just meant SO DH WOULD HAVE TO DO IT. Not so I made my children curl up in the footwell. Hope that clears that up...

Hello lovely Mardy, someone was coming then they weren't (so DD was invited) then they were. She had 24 hours notice of the too many children issue. And just chose to say 'oh, whoops'.

I would rather she had said DD couldn't come after all. Better disappointed than other possible outcomes.

MardyBra Thu 01-Nov-12 13:55:12

<waves back at the lovely nora>

imo the child who was coming and then wasn't and then was should have been told "sorry we've filled the space in the car now". I would be livid if someone had travelled that far with unsecured DC. I can understand vampire's situation and think she probably made the right call.

shriekingnora Thu 01-Nov-12 13:58:19

I'm not just lovely Mardy, I'm perfect. It was all the way from where I live, through where you live and to a place beginning with 'w' famous for it's maltings. In the dark and rain. Also understand vampires situation is completely different and I agree she made the right call.

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