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to not buy siblings (ok all but 1) presents for Christmas?

(18 Posts)
CrapBag Tue 30-Oct-12 22:03:42

I have had enough tbh. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers. Sisters are 26 and 15, brothers are 22 and 21.

Last week was my birthday. One brother was away with the army so he can be forgiven (although he came back days after my birthday so not completely forgiven) but I got not a single acknowledgement from the other brother, 26 year old sister managed a Happy Birthday on facebook. I don't count facebook messages as a proper birthday message from a sibling, distant family and distant friends yes but not closer people. 15 year old sister got me a card with some money in (first time ever and I know my dad had something to do with this but at least she made some effort so it was greatly appreciated).

Its the same story every year. Sometimes I get a card from some of them, others not one of them will bother. I always send cards and my brothers up until this year have always had money. I have now told them that I have stopped at 21 (because I never get anything from them so I am fed up). I still have my 15 year old sister to buy for and I will stop at 21 for her too.

My 26 year old sister buys for my kids, although they never ever get their presents remotely on time. Brothers can be hit and miss with my kids as well, both for their birthdays and Christmas.

I am bloody fed up of them. I make an effort to at least ensure they get a card and up until this year, presents but I get fuck all consideration back. Would I be unreasonable to only buy a Christmas present for my 15 year old sister? 22 year old brother has just moved 300 miles away so we probably won't even see him at all. I may see the other brother. I have no idea if either of them will get the kids anything (brother 300 miles away probably won't, local brother might), I know they won't get me anything. 26 year old sister has got my kids presents but they won't be getting them until after new year as she is going away (it will probably be their birthdays in February before they get their Christmas presents), she sometimes buys me and DH some chocolates.

I just feel like they clearly don't give a shit about me. I am the oldest and have always made a huge effort with them but I get no consideration so I just can't be bothered. Would it be bad to just get the 15 year old even though my children may or may not get some presents from some of them? (None of them have any children).

fluffypillow Tue 30-Oct-12 22:23:57

YANBU. I would just buy for the 15yr old, then maybe start buying again when Nieces and Nephews come along. I would be fed up too.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 30-Oct-12 22:26:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MunchMunch Tue 30-Oct-12 22:29:09

I think your stop at 21 rule is ok.
Personally i wouldnt be bothered about getting a card/present for myself if my sister/brother is buying for my kids.

sausagesandwich34 Tue 30-Oct-12 22:30:55

we don't bother for siblings once children come along, but we do buy for the dcs

personally I would want to tell them I wasn't getting them anything before not doing, but I would then quite happily not buy them a present

OpheliaPayneAgain Tue 30-Oct-12 22:31:06

TBH I don't get this whole big family present thing, either birthday or christmas. Cards are for people who are too socially inept to pick up the phone.

Do people really make such a song and dance about events once they are past their teens?

Furthermore - if you are buying to be seen as Lady Bountiful and get presnts back - then you're daft

CrapBag Tue 30-Oct-12 22:31:27

I think it is a shame when people don't even bother with cards because someone has children. I can't even say that is what it is with my siblings as they barely bothered before I had children.

CrapBag Tue 30-Oct-12 22:33:01

"Cards are for people who are too socially inept to pick up the phone."

I think they show that someone has at least bothered to think about you on your birthday. And what if you don't get a phone call or even a text?

Raspberrysorbet Tue 30-Oct-12 22:34:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

80sMum Tue 30-Oct-12 22:35:26

Our cut-off age is 18. The only people over that age that I give birthday and Christmas money to are my DCs.
So, if I were you I would buy gifts only for the 15 year old.

CrapBag Tue 30-Oct-12 22:40:07

I'd like to think that my siblings would acknowledge my birthday with a card, as I have ALWAYS done for theirs. Why do people think this is too much to ask.

oohlaalaa Tue 30-Oct-12 22:42:58

We're haphazard with each other, if I see something I know my brothers will like then I buy it as a Xmas present. But some years I haven't bothered, and they've not noticed. We don't bother with birthdays. Sometimes brothers buy me a present, but not always. We don't spend much on each other. They would never forget my daughter though, and they are both v generous. Neither of them have children.

apostropheuse Tue 30-Oct-12 22:48:26

We don't buy for adults' birthdays.We only buy birthday cards and presents for children.

I really don't think it's necessary when you're a grown-up.

TwitchyTail Tue 30-Oct-12 22:55:57


< bah humbug alert >

I hate buying presents for other adults, and I hate receiving them too. I wish everyone just bought what they wanted for themselves! Less waste and stress all round.

Maybe just have a quiet word with them all in advance, ie shall we agree we're not doing presents this year, to avoid any misunderstandings. They'll probably be relieved that you've taken their hint grin

nokidshere Tue 30-Oct-12 23:05:18

We dont really do cards and presents in our family - there are way too many of us.

We each buy for our own children, and we all buy for mum/dad. Mum/dad don't buy for their children but for all their grandchildren (14 of them)
and for the (15 and counting) great grandchildren they send a card with £5 for each of them on birthdays and at christmas.

Personally I would rather ring my siblings on their birthdays/christmas and speak to them, whats the point of buying a card that will be in the bin a week later?

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 30-Oct-12 23:06:02

I can sort of understand why you may be upset. But at the same time. See the flipside. I was raised with no culture of celebrating birthdays or Xmas. I'm not Christian but many non Christians celebrate Xmas right?

Anyways sure I still got birthday presents from friends when I was younger, and I vividly a remember one family birthday party, but nothing else. I was taught birthdays christmas valentines etc were commercially created for an industry to make money on our emotional guilt. I did feel left out as a kid but from the age of 12 I did believe it was just commercial. Why should i feel pressured to give gifts and presents on a particular day. Why should people go out of pocket to give gifts to keep up with the jones', and then 'expect' a gift n return? I thought the giving of presents was meant to be about expressing love, and free will and having no expectations of being rewarded for ones kindness?

I as a rule buy gifts whenever I have the money, I can't follow birthdays, I've got 6 siblings, 7 nieces and nephews, 5 first cousins with 10 kids between them. I don't do Xmas but I do eid, and its impossible to get everyone a gift every year twice a year, since we have 2 Eids quite close to each other. money is quite common as gifts. Usually the small kids are given money 1 eid only £ 10 for 0-6 yr olds. 6+ yr olds get £20. The following years eid adults only get gifts usually saris for the women, knitwear for dad he never bores of it long as it is debenhams, or m&s lol If we can't afford saris its money for adults too. I feel happier this way, and I don't feel bad that I've overspent or gone not debt to please others.

Have you thought maybe your siblings don't do anything in return because they don't have the means to? Sure they may have 10 quid lying around but you need a lot more than that for a decent present. Maybe they dont want to sent you just a card? Trust me your family love you, just as much as joe blogs who may furnish you with dozens of present. material goods isn't a measure of that persons love for you at all.i never thought my siblings or parents loved me less or more just because I didn't receive a eid present or birthday present from them. It's neither here nor there. Surely it matters more how they treat you though out the year, rather than one day?

MatriarchalDreams Tue 30-Oct-12 23:11:16

I'm one of six siblings, we're aged between 21 and 30, for years we've been doing a secret santa for Christmas presents. As we only have to buy one present we can spend more money and time choosing it, thus ensuring we get something good! Maybe you could suggest doing something similar to your siblings?

thebody Tue 30-Oct-12 23:15:51

Na, my dh one of 5 and me one if 2 and we all have lots of kids.

We buy a bottle of wine and chocs per family and then a £10 for any kid under 18.

It gets out if hand otherwise.

Just tell your family in a text or call what u plan and then just do it.

To he honest they will probably be relived someone suggested it.

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