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to not want to make any friends in new workplace?

(4 Posts)
EBDTeacher Tue 30-Oct-12 18:57:17

In my first job I wanted to make friends but didn't really find anyone I got on with (except a supply teacher who was only around intermittently) and at the time it made me sad.

In my second job I had constructive, friendly relations with my colleagues but never so much as went out for a drink with any of them. I was happy throughout the time I worked there and left on good terms.

In my latest job I made close personal friends and intially thought it was fantastic and was incredibly happy. However, one of these relationships (with somebody senior to me) broke down and it's pretty much finished in constructive dismissal- not that I plan to do anything about it.

AIBU to go to my new job with the intention of being warm and approachable but to actively hold actual friendship at arms length?

aldiwhore Tue 30-Oct-12 19:05:01

Go into the new job with the intention of doing your job. If you like people, like them, if a few become friends don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

Making a conscious decision to NOT make friends sounds a like you won't have much enjoyment out of work and won't gel with your colleagues.
You cannot be warm and approachable and also resolutely anti-friendship, people will see through that.

YANBU for hoping to keep work and home separate. I do. I defend my private life and don't mix with colleagues outside work at all (not a refusal, just an understanding!) yet I still count a couple of my colleagues as friends.

As my Grandpa would say "you don't shit where you eat" God rest his soul. My DH runs his own business so business and pleasure do intertwine socially. However, there's still a line in the sand we don't cross these days without very very good reason.

TwitchyTail Tue 30-Oct-12 19:05:23

Not at all unreasonable. In fact, probably a very sensible approach.

EBDTeacher Tue 30-Oct-12 19:15:32

That sounds like sane advice aldiwhore.

I'm not sure how much of my current thinking comes from feeling burned and broken! <violin>

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