to ban DH from travelling when I'm more than 36 (well, 35.5) weeks pregnant?(40 Posts)
DH travels loads for work (in the past month he's been in the US, China and Holland) but I'm worried he'll be travelling when I give birth to DC2, due 8 Dec. So I've banned him from travelling anywhere, London included (we live in Scotland), from mid November. He's pretty much OK about this (despite having to miss a conference in late November), but I just want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable.
My pregnancy has been 100% straightforward (as was my last one) so there's no reason to believe that the baby will come early, but I just don't want to risk it, and I understand that second babies can arrive very quickly, so even if he only took 4 hours to get back from London, by then there could be another addition to the family.
And of course there's our 2yo DS to think of - my mum is lined up to look after him, but worst case scenario if my husband was away and I went into labour, my mum would have to look after DS and I would be giving birth on my lonesome.
If he's ok with it and his work are ok with it, then I don't see a problem at all.
Not unreasonable at all. It's a fair request, he seems happy and if his work are fine, then it sounds good.
I asked DH not to do jobs a long way from home when PG with DD, same goes this time. I've also asked that he doesn't drink too much booze [DD was due 12th December] so that if I do go into labour he can get me to the hospital safely. All the christmas drinks were going on and he had a drink or two and then switched to the softer stuff.
Thanks noble. Just been stressing that I'm being overcautious and a bit selfish.
'Ban' is quite a strange word to use tbh. He's happy about it so I don't see the issue ?
He's QUITE happy about it, but secretly I think he really wanted to go to the conference in late Nov as they've asked him to chair it and it's quite an honour.
Yanbu, I'm also due on December the 8th my dp has stopped drinking at all as we live in a country with zero alcohol whilst driving rules, I think it's a bit too careful myself, if I went into early labour we could always get a taxi. I think it makes him feel a little like he is helping the baby, he wants to do everything he can.
good idea, i say, you want him to be around.
and who else is going to put your socks on?
You're not being selfish, you may go into labour early. Knowing this would only make his conference unnecessarily stressful for you in late pregnancy when you don't need extra stress.
Don't feel guilty! It's not like there haven't been any restrictions on your activities due to the pregnancy.
Personally I'd be packing him off to chair the conference if they haven't already found a replacement, but cancelling other trips. It sounds like a fantastic honour and probably really good stuff for his career. It would be unfortunate if he were to miss the birth but it's at least a week before your due date and you are having a normal pregnancy. That's just me though. You are not being unreasonable, he has a perfect excuse, it's more that he's likely to regret the lost opportunity.
Perhaps you've worded it a bit clumsily? 'Banning' him sounds a bit mother/child rather than a discussion between 2 adults!
But as long as he is fine with it, surely there's no issue?
As a cautionary tale the obstetrician said no problem for DH to go to US when I was 34 weeks. Waters broke day before he was coming home. Labour so long he made it home though!
I was going to say yabu, from the title and the use of the word ban but it sounds like you asked him not to and he agreed which is fair enough.
I'm that his work have accepted it though. My dh flies all over and I'm also due in December and his work is not supportive we've found out this pregnancy. He's away for most of November so I'm keeping my legs crossed! I worry about childcare too if something were to happen.
I would be sending DH to the conference but minimising other travel.
though because my DH was a 10hpur flight, realistically a 24 hour delay, away when I was 37/38 weeks with DS. Absolutely no option o him not going.
DH will be away for a night with work when I'm 37 weeks pg, but only an hour or so away. Am a bit concerned - mainly with what to do with 21mo DD if labour starts in the night, and also because my first birth was fast and furious. But no reason DC2 will come early so he's going.
I have asked him not to go to Edinburgh (we're in the south of england) or Paris between 37 and 39 weeks (elcs booked then), and he's trying to figure it out with work.
TBH I am just jealous that he gets to travel/stay in a nice hotel / go to a top restaurant while I'm cooped up with a toddler feeling shit. And I know it's work. Once upon a time I did such things too... <sighs>
Anyway OP, yanbu .
If everyone is happy = no problem.
I do think you are being rather precious though. Possibly as my DH was in Afghanistan until I was 39 weeks & then flying for ten hours non step when I was 41 weeks.
Could you have a friend on standby to either look after your daughter or go in with you if necessary?
My husband missed the birth of our PFB-who was very prem & born at home.
TBH, I was so caught up with what was going on, husband not there was not even on my mind!
It is quite normal to think like this but having read about the conference I think he should go to that. Your baby could be late and he could have missed it for nothing. It would be sensible to get someone else lined up to be with you or baby sit as relying on just 2 people when it could mean you are alone is too much pressure on them.
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
There may well be other conferences; there will never be another birth of DC2. Ever.
There seems to be a general feeling out there that no matter what, a man's career must not be disturbed in the slightest by having children. Seems to me that at the end of the day FAMILY (or our relationships with other people) are what it's all about, not work.
I agree that it would be a real shame to miss the conference for 'nothing' (ie if DC2 isn't born during that time), but that's life. It can be inconvenient.
issimma: totally with you on the jealousy re travelling vs staying home with a toddler. Yes, it's work, but then he gets to go out on the lash all over the world. And eat recently boiled alive scorpions. Also, I have a great idea - if your DH is in Edinburgh (where I live) and mine is down south (near you) then we could temporarily swap. Might not have our own husbands there for the birth but at least we'd have SOMEONE's. Like that film The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet, but with men.
I'm a genius.
I was in the same situation nearly 20 years ago. I packed him off to the conference and the baby came a few days after he got back. In the worst case he would have been with me within half a day. Not a disaster.
It's not a man's career, it's a person's career. I travelled with work, I had very similar role to my partner and so I was aware of how much it meant to him.
I was relaxed about him being away on the due date as I was sure baby was going to be late.
I could understand if you were uncomfortable about him travelling in the last week of your pregnancy but last month? A bit precious but pregnancy seems to have got very precious since my children were born.
My DH returned from a trip to a remote southern hemisphere country about a week before my third DC was due. I was a bit but my DM was about if the baby came early so I wasn't too bothered about it. I don't think he realised how big a chance there was that he could have missed the birth. he also travelled about three weeks after my DD was born. He really did not want to but needed to. I felt sorry for him but was happy to manage on my own as my DM came and helped ( 3 DC under 4 )
I think YABU "banning" him from going to London, but YANBU to put the brakes on overseas travel so close to your due date.
Could he go to the conference just for the day?
It shouldn't be too much of a problem.
Just make sure you cross your legs, don't have sex, don't go for a walk, don't eat spicy food, etc.
And Murphy's law, or destiny, if it's meant for him not to be at the birth, then he won't. Even if he stays at home.
My Dh was 2 hours away when I went into labour with my ds. Ds arrived 10 days early and mum was staying with us.
I went in to hospital on my own leaving dd with mum and then dh arrived once he had got back.
I think I ended up being in on my own about 30minutes. The midwives were lovely, as were the paramedics who brought me in in the ambulance. However I only properly relaxed once dh arrived.
So I think yanbu to say you don't want him to go away. Especially if you want him at the birth.
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