To feel so ungrateful

[scundered]

Hi, first post I wondered if you could let me know if anyone else feels like this?

After a conversation with my dh this morning, I feel really bad. We have 2dcs, a home that is fine and no major problems, yet we both find it difficult to feel grateful for it.

Getting up each morning feels like hard work and I really find it difficult to get motivated each day as they all feel the same. I feel so ungrateful! I know there are people out there who would be so glad for what we have

So am I ungrateful, or are the fantasies and realities of being married and having children different for everyone?

[HeinousHecate]

Life is pretty dull that's the truth of it. It's monotonous. Get up, see to kids, get ready, go to work, work, come home, see to kids, go to bed, get up...

I suggest you find hobbies and interests outside the family. Both separately and together. Together so there's something you can share and separately so there's something you can do that's just for you and that you can both come home and talk about.

And if you feel like you should appreciate what you've got - some people volunteer in order to help others and in doing so find it gives them a sense of perspective. homeless shelter, soup kitchen, hospital visitor. Maybe you could consider that.

If you feel like your feelings go beyond the 'general life is fairly dull' level then go to the GP to rule out depression.

[scundered]

Thanks for that, its good advice. We used to have hobbies together before we had children, but you know how that goes when they come along. It is definitely very monotonous, the same thing different day! Thanks again

[HeinousHecate]

You're welcome.

I know how it is when you think if I have to live this day one more time I am going to scream

[IHeartKingThistle]

I find it helps if you always have something to look forward to, even if it's a small thing.

[dysfunctionalme]

Yes, things to look forward to.

And humour. Are any of you funny? You could hire funny dvds, okay I know that sounds like a truly terrible idea but funny is great. Make sure that the people you hang out with know how to enjoy life and don't just moan all the time because that's really toxic.

[scundered]

Yeah I hear you! I often think to myself though if I am living this never ending same day, why do I keep making the same mistakes!

You are very right Iheart if we get a few financials sorted out am going to have to organise something am waiting to hear if I have been made redundant from work, I find out tomorrow so that will decide alot too!

[scundered]

dysfunctional yes I prefer to think its me, another v good idea, thanks. I think I have become negative and toxic never mind my company, my poor friends I used to be fun what happened!

[ViviPru]

It might help to take a weekend/day out to get everything straight; finances, stuff around the home, all those niggling jobs. Chuck stuff out, get stuff organised. If it means paying for childcare on a Sunday or whatever, so be it. Just get your existence in order so when you get back into daily living, it doesn't feel like everything's on top of you, and you will have time between those mundane daily tasks to enjoy life a bit more.

[fatfingers]

I feel the same OP, I find life is like a treadmill. No advice I'm afraid because I seem to always be changing my job to bring a bit of excitement into my life! I'm watching this thread with interest, as the jobs market is rubbish at the moment.

[scundered]

Thanks again everyone, vivi great advice because those things definitely put more pressure on day to day life when everything feels disorganised and unfinished

[Whoknowswhocares]

I think everyone feels like this most if the time tbh! Especially when there are no big things on the horizon..... New child,house move,holiday etc etc give you something to think about in the mundane times. If you are going through a phase where things are more day to day, it's damn hard to keep up the excitement. There's only so much you can enjoy housework!!

[aldiwhore]

YANBU. I try very hard to insert a bit of fun into most days, even if it's something as 'crazy' as going to the park after school, or watching a film in bed with the children... small things that you feel you don't have time for, often you do if you plan them.

For me time, which is rare, I try to meet up with a mate for lunch at least once a month, or decree that Sunday afternoon is going to be for pottering only (no housework) and get my mosaic stuff out...

Life is dull. Family life is a hamster wheel that can be very repetitive. I am all for plans and routines, but sometimes it feels that they leave little time for anything else, so I also fully support breaking them!

Get the whole family on board with the dull stuff. On a Thursday evening we have a mad hour of blitzing where we all muck in (the youngest isn't a lot of help but he's occupied at least!) and we ALWAYS enjoy Friday night, whether we watch a movie together, or have a take away, just something to break up the dullness.

We are also going on a lot of walks at the moment, it's just so beautiful... we don't walk far, it takes about 20 minutes.

[Stase]

If you like food and cooking (and perhaps are the one that does most of it..?) I find shaking up what we eat can put a new spin on things. Look up some healthy recipes, things you wouldn't normally eat, cuisines you're not familiar with.
And put some music on while you cook! I always forget how much better music makes me feel. A bit of loud reggae, or things I liked 15 years ago.
Agree, walks are very restorative!

[scundered]

Great advice everyone, thank you. So today I think I will make goulash instead of sausages go for a nice long walk and vow to live a bit more like Aldi