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To want dd1, aged 5, to stand up to 'friend'

(3 Posts)
throwinshapes Mon 29-Oct-12 20:32:23

Dd1 is a kind and really sweet kid. Nary a mean bone in her body, really.
Anyways, she's just started y1 and become friends with a girl who's clearly having a shite time at home, parents having split acrimoniously <I know this cos I provided a statement to police when I witnessed her dad assault her mum, and this girl has also told me about a few things at home>.
Now, I'm very sympathetic/ empathetic in view of her plight- as I was in a similar home situation when I was 5, but dd1 has expressed upset/ disquiet about the way this lass treats her and orders her around at school.
She sorrowfully told me that she's not allowed to invite any boys to her (my dd's) party.
She's not allowed to say hello to a boy she's good friends with.
She also ripped keywords off her wall when she came over for a (first) play date last week.
Now, it may be the case that she needs to 'grow a pair' and stand up to this girl, and we've talked about it and she feels unable to do so. She said 'this girl is the boss of me'!!
Aghh.
How on earth do I teach her the skills to stand up for herself, as clearly this acquiescent behaviour cannot continue.
Am I over thinking this?
Shall I have a chat with the teachers?
WWYD?

Ithinkitsjustme Mon 29-Oct-12 20:35:01

I'd definitely have a word with the teachers as this situation is no good for the other girl, as much as it isn't any good for your DD. She sounds like she has been badly affected by the events at home and this needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. As for your DD, yes, I'd teach her that she doesn't need to do everything that this other girl tells her.

throwinshapes Mon 29-Oct-12 20:39:36

Thanks ithink, I have tried to coach her on how to respond to her demands.
Ie 'no thanks I don't want to do that and if you shout at me <which she's told me she does> then ill go and play with someone else' etc.
It breaks my heart sad

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