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AIBU to want the ring bk i bought my nan 15 yrs ago ?

(42 Posts)
gobbymare Mon 29-Oct-12 19:03:21

Its quite simple really, i bought my nana a ring about 15 yrs ago, with the thinking that when she passed i would get it bk and have something personal to remember her by, i feel guilty asking tho, and my nans wish was that all her jewellery be sold to pay for her funeral, so in finding this out i offered to buy the ring bk, do ppl think thats shocking ?

xMumof3x Mon 29-Oct-12 19:04:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Euphemiaaaarrrrgggghhhh Mon 29-Oct-12 19:06:11

No. What reaction did you get?

mellowcat Mon 29-Oct-12 19:06:18

No do not find it shocking at all, you want something to remember your nan, that sounds fair enough to me.

gobbymare Mon 29-Oct-12 19:07:54

I just feel guilty in asking like i am unsure if it looks like i am only out to get what i can, but if it is to be sold then i thought i needed to ask, i just dont want a stranger to have it, i even asked if it could be burried with her rather than anything else, i dont know why i feel so shitty now i have asked confused

gobbymare Mon 29-Oct-12 19:09:08

My cousin who looked after nana for the last few yrs said she hasnt seen it, but said she would have a look, so i got the impression i could maybe buy it bk.

JoleneRocks Mon 29-Oct-12 19:09:25

Its fine as long as you aren't just expecting to be given it back. If her wishes were for it to be sold then I would think it should be fine for it to be sold to you rather than someone else.

To be fair, when you gift something it can't really be on the expectation that you will get it back!

PickledFanjoCat Mon 29-Oct-12 19:09:38

Theres nothing wrong with that. Just say you'd like it to remember her by, you know she wanted it sold for the funeral so your happy to have it valued and pay that towards the costs.

That's totally fair.

Sorry for your loss..

QueenStromba Mon 29-Oct-12 19:13:45

If I was the executor of your Nan's will I'd let you have it for a token amount (like a quid) so that you could have it as a keepsake while still honouring your Nan's wishes. If it's especially valuable you might end up having to pay market price but you should definitely get first refusal.

gobbymare Mon 29-Oct-12 19:16:15

Its not of a great deal of value £ wise but i would definatly pay whatever they wanted for it, its my very own personal item of my nanas and she never took it off for yrs because i would hope it meant something to her, which in turn would mean so much to me concidering she had more rings than fingers and toes lol but chose to wear the ring i bought her.
I didn`t buy her it on the understanding i would get it bk but now she has passed and they know what it means to me i would hope they would rather sell it to me than a pawnbrokers.

Euphemiaaaarrrrgggghhhh Mon 29-Oct-12 19:24:15

Aaw how sweet - I hope you get it. My grannie died 10 years ago and other than her wedding and engagement rings she had got rid of all of her jewellery. sad

thebody Mon 29-Oct-12 19:27:50

I hope you get it op, so sorry for your loss.

gobbymare Mon 29-Oct-12 19:28:50

Im glad ppl dont think i am BU even tho i feel shitty for asking for it, thankyou all for your advice smile

MrsClown1 Mon 29-Oct-12 19:31:57

I hope you get it. Dont feel bad for wanting it. In my heart I think your nan would rather you have the ring than a stranger.

I am so sorry for your loss. My nan died 25 years ago and I still miss her so much. All my passwords at work are her name and variations of it so I think of her every day.

LaCiccolina Mon 29-Oct-12 19:32:15

Absolutely not an unreasonable request. Agree with posters, please post how turns out?

Really hoping u can buy/have. So sorry for your loss x

foslady Mon 29-Oct-12 19:38:59

She asked for her jewelry to be sold, she didn't say no one in the family could buy it, did she? I think it's a beautiful gesture OP.

gobbymare Mon 29-Oct-12 19:40:57

Thankyou everyone, you have helped me feel better.
My cousin isn`t sure where it is at the moment because towards the end she was so poorly it proberly didnt fit anymore so has more than likely put it away, but assures me she will have a look when she can. smile

gobbymare Sat 03-Nov-12 19:13:46

Hi MN, can i have some advice please?

If you have read my original post you will have some idea of whats going on...

My cousin got back to me with regaurds the ring I bought my nan, and said it is being burried with my nan because of my so called mother.

My nan (my moms mom) was not even cold when my mother was asking for her belongings, also bare in mind that my mother hadn`t spoken to my nan for years.

My cousin who is dealing with my nans funeral and is also her next of kin was rather upset by this, who can blame her ? (i didnt know that my mother had asked for said items as i dont speak to my mother (for the last 7 yrs) at all.

So about 3 days after my nan passed i asked if i could have the ring i bought her 15 years ago, she said she didn`t know what ring and that she would look for it i was then told nan wanted all her jewellrey to be sold to pay for funeral, understand that too so i offered to pay what i paid or she could get it valued either way.

So i hadn`t heard from my cousin up till now and this is her reply...

Hey hun have found that ring but I am gonna bury it with nanna to save arguments coz if I give u it yr mam gonna kick off and if I give yr mam it its not fair on u so to save arguments I have decided that. There is some other stuff of nanna that I have u can choose something from it if u want instead c u Tuesday

I feel this is wrong because of a few reasons.

I don`t speak to my mother or family (dad & sister included) and they never knew that i bought my nan a ring so how would they know ?

My nans wish was that it be sold to pay for funeral, so why isn`t she doing this ?

Why would my mother even want a ring that I bought my nana ?

Nothing else will feel the same as the ring i bought my nan all that time ago that she has never taken off up until her passing so i dont want anything else.

I understand my cousin is in a sticky situation, but my mother didn`t even bother with that side of the family so i feel its a bit of an excuse as to why she wont sell it to me ?
Burrying it with my nan isn`t helping anyone ?

AIBU to feel like this ?

foslady Sat 03-Nov-12 19:16:27

Is your mum aware of what the ring looks like? Would she knnow it was your Grans? I'm so sorry this is what's happening, a death always brings out the worst sad

gobbymare Sat 03-Nov-12 19:21:32

Hi foslady, no my mother wouldn`t know what the ring looked like , i very much doubt she would even care about the ring.
I just get the feeling that my cousin is going to sell it like my nan wished but not to me to save arguements.

It sure does foslady sad

Cahoots Sat 03-Nov-12 19:28:50

You sound like you ate being very reaonable. Unlike everyone else involved. I am sorry for your loss. I am afraid this type of thing happens all the time when people die.
I hope you can sort it out. What about buying an identical replacement that your cousin could switch with your ring....Or is that too daft.

gobbymare Sat 03-Nov-12 19:33:47

It was bought 15 years ago from a TV shopping channel i doubt i could find one identical in such a short space of time, funeral being tuesday.

gobbymare Sat 03-Nov-12 20:00:41

OMG my mother has told my cousin that she went halves on the ring, (which she never) so its even more of a shitty situation now.

Is it wrong to hate your mother so much, I`M FUMING !!!!

MORCAPS Sat 03-Nov-12 20:08:56

Just let it go. Nothing good will come of this.

Do you really want to get into a tussle?

Try to remember your Gran the way she was, don't make yourself feel worse over the ring.

If you get into this you are giving your mother exactly what she wants, which is a game. Even if you 'win' and get the ring, she will still have gotten what she wanted from you.

DontmindifIdo Sat 03-Nov-12 20:20:33

Can you send an e-mail or call your cousin, explain clearly that you aren't in contact with your mother but you understand how hard she can be to deal with and you understand she's put your cousin in a terrible position. Say you'd like the ring back and are will to both pay whatever she thinks it's value is (if she wants to take it to be valued that's fine) and that you are also able to promise you'll keep this from your mother.

But be supportive to your cousin, if she's done the bulk of the caring, she's probably going through a really hard time now, throw in your mother causing dramas and I can see why she's just going for what seems the easiest and the 'fairest'.

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