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To think that 11 years old boy should not be in a female changing room?

(324 Posts)
superpushymum Sun 28-Oct-12 16:09:12

Last night I went to a hotel swimming pool. After the swim I was taking a shower in the female changing room. I left the towel on the hook nearby.

When I got out, there was (what I thought) a teenage boy literally staring at me. The towel was out of reach, so I had to run back into cubicle and squeeze myself into my dirty bathing suit.

I don't like confrontation, so I just went out to reception and asked the pool attendant to speak to the mother of the boy. She was also shocked and asked the family to move to the family changing room.

After she left, the mother started to shout that everybody is mad in this hotel and she is not going anywhere.

At the end I had approached her myself and asked her to take the boy out. She told me she can't understand a word of what I am saying (I am foreign and got a slight accent), so I completely lost it by that point and called the assistant again. The boy's mother started saying that her son is 'only' eleven and I should stop being ridiculous and just get on with it. At that stage she also removed her clothes infront of her son and changed into the bathing suit.

I told her I just can't undress infront of him, she got into a strop and told her kids 'come on, let's go to another changing room, this nasty woman does not want you here'.

Was I am unreasonable, or maybe it's a cultural difference, and it's ok in UK to have 11 year olds in the changing rooms? If it was 11 year old girl in a male changing room, would it still be ok?

TomsBentPinky Sun 28-Oct-12 16:10:39

Yanbu if there were family changing rooms availble.

BlameItOnTheBogey Sun 28-Oct-12 16:13:34

YANBU even if there weren't family changing rooms available!

Pagwatch Sun 28-Oct-12 16:15:14

I can't imagine many 11 year old boys would want to be in a women's changing room.
It all sounds quite peculiar.

alpinefresh Sun 28-Oct-12 16:15:26

she obviously has issues. your reaction was fine, i'd have done exactly the same except the bit about talking to her myself. enjoy your swim and dont worry about the batty lady!

Jenny70 Sun 28-Oct-12 16:15:40


Normally I am quite open about boys in changing rooms, but 11 seems to be taking it too far. If there are family rooms, cubicles or anything else, I think that would the better option for that woman. Don't care a fig if she changes with him, but other women are not comforatble with it.

I can sympathise that at 11 it isn't always appropriate to send them alone into the mens changing rooms and children with special needs may never be "old enough" to trust in the changerooms alone.

But kids at 11 are able to change themselves, so if there is a family room or indiv cubicle, surely that is a more sensible solution.

Catsnotrats Sun 28-Oct-12 16:16:09

Yadnbu on the basis that I teach 11 year old boys. The thought that I might bump into one of them in the swimming room changing rooms while I was naked makes my skin crawl (although it would probably scar them for life!)

RyleDup Sun 28-Oct-12 16:16:22

YANBU. She sounds very rude.

JaquelineHyde Sun 28-Oct-12 16:16:41

The fact that there were family changing rooms available remove any valid possible reason for the 11yr old boy being in with the mother.

She was clearly rude and unreasonable and should have moved to the family changing room.

halloweeneyqueeney Sun 28-Oct-12 16:17:10

YANBU, he's plenty old enough to go to the male one alone even if there was no family one. FAR too old to be in there. Not so much because of the adult women but mainly because girls his age would be very uncomfortable with him there i'd imagine!

wigglybeezer Sun 28-Oct-12 16:18:13

My eleven year old would refuse to go in the ladies changing rooms, he shout's " my eyes, my eyes" if he catches a glimpse of me a state of undress! You are not being unreasonable ( and I once worked as an artist's model and am not prudish about nudity). It's not fair on the boy IMO.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 28-Oct-12 16:18:16

YANBU. Unless he had SN he is perfectly capable of and safe getting changed alone in the mens changing room.

EchoBitch Sun 28-Oct-12 16:18:37

Both DSs went in the men's or a family changing room,in fact,by 11 i don't think they would have been seen dead in a family one never mind a women's changing room.

MaryZcary Sun 28-Oct-12 16:18:46

YANBU - even if there is a family changing room an NT 11 year old should be able to change by himself. I presume if he had SN and needed looking after you would have been told.

dd was very upset when she was about 9 because her male classmates were appearing in the women's changing rooms and laughing at her hmm. She refused to go swimming for a while.

The mother sounds a bit barmy though.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Sun 28-Oct-12 16:18:49

YANBU as there were family changing rooms available. The mother sounds awful.

EllenParsons Sun 28-Oct-12 16:19:04

YANBU she sounds nuts and I can't imagine ever finding it acceptable for a boy of that age to be in the female changing room. He is more than old enough to get dressed on his own, so he does not need to be there! I feel quite annoyed on your behaviour reading this and as for slagging your accent,she is pathetic.

EllenParsons Sun 28-Oct-12 16:19:42

Annoyed on your behalf I mean, not behaviour!

bruffin Sun 28-Oct-12 16:19:58

The normal rules are children 8 and over should use the right changing room

WearingGreen Sun 28-Oct-12 16:22:56

I couldn't get my 8 yo into a womens changing room if I held a gun to his head, not that I would want to.

Startailoforangeandgold Sun 28-Oct-12 16:23:06

I don't give a damn who sees me naked, but my 14 and especially 11 y DDs do.

It is not an appropriate place for a boy that age to be.

NinaHeart Sun 28-Oct-12 16:25:38

YANBU. At 11 they shouldn't be in the opposite sex changing room, regardless of anything I can think of.
My SS has special needs and at age 17 cannot dress/undress himself. However, I would NEVER want him in the female changing room as the one thing that appears not to be affected by his SLD is his sexual urge. He was certainly showing signs of this at 11.
It would be hugely unfair on everyone.

ScarahScreams Sun 28-Oct-12 16:30:12

Absolutely NBU ! She sounds like she has some kind of problem tbh!

squishyotter Sun 28-Oct-12 16:36:07

Yanbu she sounds a bit off her trolley!

CiderwithBuda Sun 28-Oct-12 17:03:40

My 11 year old DS would die of embarrassment if I tried to take him into the female changing room!


Sirzy Sun 28-Oct-12 17:06:19

A family changing room is available therefore there is no need for anyone to be in the 'wrong' changing rooms.

Where no family facilities are available I think - except in case where a child has some sort of special needs but then disabled changing facilities should be made available for the childs dignity as much as anything else - that by the age of 8 children should be able to go and get themselves changed in the appropriate changing area.

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