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To not send gifts/cards to my sister?

(6 Posts)
Bizarrelife Sun 28-Oct-12 10:42:04

My sister and I have not seen each other for about 3 years - there is a distance of a 100 miles in between but we both drive, and it's just both of us feel there are more important ways to spend our precious amount of free time than visiting the other one.

We have both said in the past that if we weren't sisters there is nothing about the other that would draw us together as friends, we are just very different from each other and have a very different outlook on the world.

Due to not seeing each other, and having very sporadic contact with each other via phone (about every 6 months) we don't know what the offspring are into this makes present buying very difficult.

Our children are now late teens, and I just don't see the point spending money on something that I don't know the recipient will want when funds are tight on both sides.

I've not spoken to my sister since March, but she's moaning to our mum that I've not sent gifts this week for her kids birthday.

I've said to mum that it's pointless to send gifts to someone I don't speak to for months on end. And mum has said that she is family so I have to send gifts.

AIBU to think gifts aren't a given right, and in our circumstance its pointless to send gifts just for the sake of it?

ChickenFillet Sun 28-Oct-12 10:50:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad Sun 28-Oct-12 10:50:24

YABU if you didn't tell her that you want to stop doing it , YANBU for thinking its a waste of time all round. My DM and her sister don't talk ,except at family funerals , and stopped exchanging gifts when we were small. I don't know my cousins or their families and they don't know mine . It's not an issue but you should have dropped her a line/ phone call to tell her first .

Nanny0gg Sun 28-Oct-12 10:52:59

If you wanted to stop buing presents (which is fair enough, although vouchers would probably have been appreciated) then you should have talked it through with her. Just stopping was pretty pointed and I can see why she's upset,
You've left your mum in a fairly awkward position too.

Helltotheno Sun 28-Oct-12 11:16:18

This is all so passive aggressive. You're saying you and your sister don't get on so why not just go the whole hog and remove her from your life and vice versa? All thing banging on about presents for each other's kids is just hypocritical in the extreme. Just send her a text saying that you're going to knock the pointless present stuff on the head, since neither of you seem to have any positive feelings for each other whatsoever. Just be upfront and call it what it is: a non-relationship. Much better that all your children see an honest stand on something tbh.

And I agree with the poster above about getting your mother involved. Neither of you is 12 any more....

TidyDancer Sun 28-Oct-12 11:19:44

Did you send a card? If you did, YANBU. If you didn't so much as wish a happy birthday at all, YABU.

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